Gone
by ElleLaw
Summary: While dealing with the wake of her censure and impending divorce, Casey Novak finds herself in an impossible position. In the aftermath of tragedy, can Alex and Casey overcome all their challenges when there seems to be no way out.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Please don't hate me. This story has been driving me wild, so I had to start it! You get two chapters out the gate and you will understand why very soon. This story will be very different and I really hope you love it! I promise my other stuff won't be neglected for as long as before! Jessie's Girl update is on its way!**

* * *

 **"The carbonation in my drink**

 **The bubbles rise while my heart sinks**

 **And all I tend to do is think of you"**

 **Morning Song by The Lumineers**

Casey Novak sat on the front porch of her rented cabin in upstate New York looking out over the lake. It was late October and the trees were finally starting to turn. Normally, this was her favorite time of year, but not this year. Nothing could make her happy now.

She felt hollow inside and it hurt worse than anything. If only she could rewind time she would change everything. She'd make different choices and not lose the one thing she loved most, hell not lose everything.

Looking over the papers one last time, she began to cry again. This wasn't what she wanted but her choices brought her to this moment. She had to face it, this was all her fault. All she could do was hope and pray that somehow one day she could fix things.

Signing the papers, she held them close to her heart. Once she mailed them her life would forever change. Her hopes and dreams would be over. Maybe she could change that outlook.

Looking towards the sky, she said one last prayer and stood walking into the cabin. Sitting at the desk near the window she pulled out some paper and a pen. She'd include a letter with the papers.

 _October 20, 2008_

 _My dearest Alexandra,_

 _The last time I saw you, you were boarding a plane for Cambridge. I hope you are enjoying your job there, I truly do. I only hope and pray that you are happy, and that all your hopes and dreams come true._

 _I am sorry I have been so selfish. I am sorry that I chose my career over you and our love. I was stupid Alexandra. Everything you said to me that day in the airport was true. Working Sex Crimes does kill you slowly. It's like a cancer that takes over you. I couldn't see things clearly anymore. I couldn't see what it was doing to me or more importantly us. I am sorry I let it spread to my brain and my ability to see what I was letting go._

 _You were the best thing that ever happened to me, Alexandra. I see you everywhere I look. I don't say this to make you feel bad, I say it because I want you to know just how deeply I love you. When I close my eyes, I see your beautiful face. Your magical clear blue eyes, and your bright smile. When I am sad I imagine your laugh and it warms my heart. I was so foolish to let you go. I was an idiot to say the things I did._

 _I am so sorry for the hurt I caused you. The day I came after you at the airport, I wanted you to stay because I loved you. I was short sighted though. I should have gone to the airport to board the plane with you and start our lives over together. Hindsight is always 20/20, and mine now is even sharper. Losing you is the worst thing that has ever happened to me._

 _I am writing you this letter, Alexandra, to say I am sorry. I am sorry for ever hurting you. I am sorry for not being the woman you deserved. I wish I had done so many things differently._

 _You were right, Alexandra, that job was toxic. It stole my sleep and made me bitter inside. I wanted justice I just couldn't find anymore. I wanted to stop everyone's pain. I became too close to the victims and it cost my career. I am sure you've already heard about it though, Nancy Grace seemed to fancy the Manhattan Sex Crimes scandal of 2008._

 _I am a walking joke now, and it's my own damn fault. My self pity is pretty fucking embarrassing. I actually saw a tabloid the other day with a picture of someone they thought was me entering the courthouse. The reporter was claiming the District Attorney's office had pressed charges. That is just how pathetic life has become for me, but I made it this way by not listening to you and I am so sorry for that. I am sorry for everything, Alexandra._

 _So, my mind has been made up for a while now. I got the papers the same day as my hearing and I knew then I owed you the happiness I stole from you. If this is how you achieve it then I will sign. I just want you to be happy Alexandra. I wish that was with me, but if you don't feel that same way then I understand. I promise though, the old Casey is coming back to stay. I will never be selfish again. I promise Alexandra._

 _I am at the cabin we use to rent in the fall. It seemed fitting for the season and all. It makes it easy to pretend that you are cooking dinner in the kitchen while I take a bath after a long hike like we use to, I think that will make it easier. It seems better this way, easier to find myself._

 _No matter what happens, please know I love you. I always will Alexandra. If you ever want to talk, you know how to find me. Alex, please know I am so sorry for all the pain I ever caused you and that I will love you for the rest of my days._

 _Forever my heart and soul,_

 _Casey_

Sealing the letter in a smaller envelope, Casey included it in the large packet and headed out to the post office. Her drive was familiar as Alex and her use to retreat to this house in the fall often. There were many times they would overnight documents back to New York City for the office. She just wished that was the case this time.

Arriving into town, Casey pulled up to the post office and parked her Jeep. Taking the large envelope containing her divorce papers in hand, she bit her cheek to keep from crying. Making her way into the post office, she text her mother Carol, "Signed the papers this morning, going to send them now. Love, C."

It only took a second for her mother to respond, "Did you talk to Alex?"

As she stood in line waiting, Casey typed back, "No, mother. I did write her a letter though, so hopefully she will read it and want to talk. I will call you when I leave."

"Okay, sweetie. Chin up!" Carol replied.

Seeing her familiar post office worker, Wendy an older woman in about her late fifties, Casey smiled and waved as she headed over. "Hey Casey, you and Alex have something for the big city again?" Wendy asked in a cheery voice.

Casey forced a smile to not burst into tears, her voice however gave her away as it cracked as she replied, "Not today. This is going to Cambridge, Massachusetts."

Wendy picked up the large envelope and noticed the name on the address. "Oh, Casey. How soon does it need to be there?"

"Can you overnight it?" Casey tried to stay upbeat, but her heart was breaking by the second and she didn't know if she'd make it out of the post office tear free. At least if she didn't only Wendy would see.

Before Wendy could answer, a young man burst through the doors of the small post office. He was about six feet tall, dark eyes and hair with pale skin. He was screaming at Wendy and waving a gun at her.

Casey's heart rate quickly sped up allowing her to comprehend this young mans rants. She could see outside people had noticed his erratic behavior and hoped they'd called for help. He young man was evidently the soon to be ex of Wendy's daughter and not pleased with Wendy telling her daughter that he was a drug addict.

"Listen Michael," Wendy began.

"No, you listen to me Wendy!" Michael screamed back, "Lisa is mine and you can't keep her from me!"

"Michael," Casey interrupted, "I can help you with Lisa, if you just put down your gun, Michael."

Michael quickly focused his attention on Casey slightly lowering his weapon. "How are you going to do that?"

"I'm an attorney Michael, I can make the whole thing go away. You just have to give me your gun Michael," Casey assured.

"I saw you talking to her! How do I know you aren't on her side!" He yelled.

"Because Michael, I was just telling Wendy that she was confused about you. That she misunderstood. Wendy understands now that you and Lisa are meant to be." Casey lied.

He paused and looked to Wendy. Wendy quickly nodded her head in agreement to Casey's words. He lowered his gun and began towards Casey, "I am sorry, Wendy, about the mistake."

"No harm, Michael," the woman responded as the young man neared Casey.

Just as he was about to place the gun in Casey's hand police sirens could be heard down the street. He backed away screaming at Casey, "You lied to me!"

Casey's heart rate sped up as she screamed for Wendy to get down as Michael fired two rounds into her chest before fleeing. The feeling was unlike anything she could have ever imagined. Everything went in slow motion. The gun firing, the sharp stabbing feeling of the bullets, falling back into the hard terrazzo flooring.

She wasn't aware of time anymore. All she could register was Wendy over her pressing down on her chest causing her excruciating pain. "Your hurting me," Casey gasped finally trying to push Wendy away.

"Casey!" Wendy yelled trying to snap the redhead out of her daze, "Casey, you have been shot, I have to stop the bleeding!"

Her words cut through Casey's daze and suddenly, she realized the blood covering Wendy was hers. She registered the intense pain again and the fact that Wendy was screaming for help. "I can't die!" Casey cried.

"Casey, I'm not going to let you die," Wendy assured.

"I can't die, Wendy, I can't. Please." Casey begged finding it suddenly harder to breathe.

"Casey calm down and stay with me." Wendy said all too calmly.

"I need Alex, Wendy. I love her. I need to tell her I love her." Casey said before dipping into darkness...

When she came to it was Alex she saw above her. There were blue sky's above the blonde and all Casey could hear was the muffled sounds of others around. "I love you, Alexandra," was the last thing she said before she flatlined.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: I hope you all are still reading this one!**

* * *

 **"Gone are the days when the wind would brush my face,**

 **Gone are the days when you're the wind, and**

 **Gone are the days when my heavy heart is worn on your sleeve..."**

 **\- Gone by The Head and The Heart**

Alex Cabot walked out of her Harvard Law building and into the cool October afternoon air. She'd spent the morning teaching and now it was finally time to go home. Walking to her car, she couldn't help but think how much her life has changed over the last year.

She left her wife of four years, moved to Cambridge, started her life finally, and filed for divorce. She wasn't necessarily sure she'd made all the right choices, but she was happy about one decision for sure. Climbing into her Volvo she smiled, this time next year life would be completely different.

Opening her center console, she pulled out her cell phone. She had strict cellphone policies in her classes, so she made a habit of not even bringing hers into the classroom. Waking the screen she frowned at the amount of missed calls. She had three from an unknown New York number and five missed calls from her soon to be ex-mother-in-law Carol.

Listening to the first message from the unknown number, she began to shake.

"This is Dr. LaFevere from the St. Thomas Hospital in Davidson, New York. I am calling on behalf of your wife, Casey Novak. She was brought in a bit ago and I need to talk to you about her condition. Please call me back as soon as possible. Thank you, my number here is..."

Alex stopped the message immediately and dialed Carol.

"Alex!" Carol's voice came over the line, "Did you talk to the doctors?"

"No," Alex answered in a broken voice, "I just got to the car. What's going on?"

"Alex, Casey has been shot and it's bad. I am on my way now. You need to go to the hospital." Carol said trying to stay calm.

"Is she going to make it?" Alex questioned seeing how shaky she was becoming.

"I don't know Alex. The doctor just told me to get to the hospital as fast as possible. He didn't sound positive about her condition." Carol clarified.

"Okay, I will. Thank you," Alex answered in a whisper before hanging up.

Everything seemed to stop. The world seemed to stop spinning. Her Casey was injured. Her Casey could die, and she'd die thinking Alex didn't love her any longer.

In truth, Alex was mad at Casey. She was mad at Casey's selfishness. She was mad Casey chose her career over love...but none of that mattered now. Now, she might really lose the love of her life. As she started to cry in her parked sedan, she heard a knock on her window.

Looking up she saw her friend, Annalise Keating. "What's wrong," Annalise asked firmly.

"Casey," Alex cried, "Casey's been hur-hurt."

Annalise didn't need to hear anymore. She'd known Alex since law school and Alex never cried, so she knew whatever had happened must be bad. Opening, Alex's door she told the blonde to move over. As she drove Alex home, Alex filled her in on what she knew about Casey being shot.

When they arrived at Alex's house, the blonde quickly packed a bag. The only other stop they made was to Annalise's so she could get what she needed to drive Alex to New York. Despite much protesting from Alex, Annalise refused to let the blonde drive in the state she was in.

Alex fell asleep after about an hour in the car. Annalise happily let her friend sleep knowing good and well she would need it. They weren't getting updates from Carol and Annalise knew that was a bad sign. Only when they finally arrived to the small town did Annalise finally wake the blonde for directions to the hospital.

Alex had Annalise drop her at the main entrance and quickly made her way to the main desk to find where her wife was located. Being a small hospital a nurse led her down the off-white hallways to Casey's room. Everything in this place looked colorless. She couldn't imagine her Casey being anywhere within these walls.

As they reached Casey's room she found Carol sitting outside. Seeing her mother-in-law, silently crying Alex feared the worst.

"Carol," Alex said weakly.

The gray short haired woman looked up at Alex. Wiping her tears away, she stood and walked the rest of the way to give Alex a hug. "I am glad you came. She is going to need your more now than ever."

"She's a-alive?" Alex asked as a new round of tears slipped from her eyes.

"Yes," Carol replied wiping her own eyes. "She's in really bad shape though, and the doctors said they don't know if she'll pull through, but they don't know our Casey."

Alex burst out crying and Carol helped her to a chair. "How did this happen? Why was she shot?"

"She was at the post office and a man came in with a gun. He was upset about his wife leaving him and blamed his mother-in-law. Casey intervened to save the woman's life. It worked and he was about to give her the gun when the cops arrived and spooked him. He shot her out of anger." Carol explained choking back tears.

"She always has to protect people." Alex said still wiping away tears. "Did they catch him?"

"He killed himself." Carol answered. "She was shot twice in the chest Alex. There was a lot of damage to her heart and lungs and the doctors had to crack her chest to get all the remnants of the bullets and fix the damage. She evidently flatlined three times." Carol paused to compose herself, "But she made it. We Novak's are fighters and she made it. The doctors said everything is going to be touch and go for the next couple of days. When you go in to see her don't be alarmed. She has a tube in her mouth to help her breath, and she has some other tubes coming out of her sides to drain fluid."

Alex just shook her head in understanding and stood. Carol touched her arm in support but let her go alone. Walking to the door she took a deep breath and walked in.

The first thing that grabbed her attention was the sound of the machines. One was beeping depicting Casey's steady heartbeat. That one was very reassuring. The other one was a steady pump of air. It was coming from the machine breathing for her wife. Swallowing hard, Alex made her eyes fall upon the figure in the bed.

She shook her head is disbelief. It couldn't be Casey lying there. It couldn't be. That person looked pale and lifeless. Even the red hair was less vibrant than Casey's. Feeling the urge to be sick, Alex ran from the room and down the hall to the visitors restroom.

Walking out of the stall, she found Carol leaning against the bathroom counter. "How far along are you?" Carol questioned.

"Four months," Alex confessed. "How did you know?"

Carol smirked, "Casey told me back in May that you decided to start trying on your own. How I knew to ask? Well, call that one mothers intuition."

Alex placed her hand over her stomach remember the little person she had in her. "I haven't eaten and I get sick easily when my blood sugar drops. Add my roller coaster of emotions into the mix and well, hi."

"You don't have to explain Alex. It unnerved me to see her like that as well. She'll pull through this, just hang in there." Carol soothed.

Alex began to cry again, "She is going to hate me Carol. She hasn't called since I told her I was trying to get pregnant. I finally filed for divorce because I found out I was pregnant and she obviously had no interest in being involved. Why would she want to see me now?"

Carol walked to Alex and held her by the shoulders, "Listen to me, Alexandra. My daughter is madly in love with you. She has missed you terribly, and she does want you near. I promise you she will love this baby just as much as she loves you. Casey just lost her way. You have to help her find it again."

"How can you be so sure?" Alex choked.

Carol turned back to the counter and picked up the blood covered envelope of Casey's that was addressed to Alex. "Casey was mailing this to you today. Inside there is a letter she wrote to you. You should read it." Carol handed Alex the envelope and then a set of keys. "These are the keys to the cabin you and Casey rent here. Go there and eat something. Get some rest and come back tomorrow morning. We will go from there. Okay?"

"Okay." Alex agreed. She was much to tired to argue anymore.

* * *

The next morning Alex sat on the front porch drinking her coffee and holding Casey's letter in her hand. Her wife had promised never to be selfish again and she sadly held true to that statement even if it meant being potentially fatally wounded. She knew she and Casey would have a lot of work to put their marriage back together if Casey made it through, but she was ready for any hurdle if it meant having Casey by her side again.

Hearing Annalise walk out onto the porch, Alex turned to face her best friend. "You ready to go?" Annalise asked.

"Yes. Let me go set this stuff inside and we can go." Alex said standing and heading inside.

Annalise watched her friend go. She knew Alex needed time to process everything. She'd heard her crying last night in bed for what seemed like hours, then this morning she found her in bed clutching Casey's Sex Crimes hoodie and letter. All she could do was pray that Casey would pull through and her friends could fix their marriage.

Knowing that she'd only be able to stay another couple of days, Annalise was proactive in calling the couples other friends and arranging for them to come up to stay with the blonde and Carol. Everyone would need to take care of themselves while Casey fought for her life, and she knew prying Alex and Carol away from the hospital would be next to impossible.

Once Alex arrived back outside, the two women drove to the hospital. Annalise let Alex go onto Casey's room while she headed to the cafeteria to get them all coffee. It was the least she could do for them while they waited for an update from the doctor.

Alex focused on putting one foot in front of the other as she willed herself down the hallway to Casey's room. Reaching her wife's room, she slowly moved the handle to open the door. Walking in, she found Casey alone.

The usually vibrant redhead still lay motionless in the bed. The machines were still watching her heartbeat and breathing for her. Alex began to wonder if Casey would ever wake from this nightmare.

Hearing the door open behind her, she turned to come eye to eye with Carol. "Hey honey," Casey's mother spoke, "Did you settle in okay last night?"

Alex nodded her head yes, suddenly unable to talk from the lump that had formed in her throat. Carol realizing this continued, "Why don't you have a seat next to her, she seems to improve vital wise if you talk to her."

"She does?" Alex choked out.

"Yes, she does. Her heart rate goes up a little. The night nurse said that's a good sign for brain activity. Something about her trying to work out what's being said. I took to reading magazines to her last night and I reminded her that you were coming to see her today." Carol assured as Alex took a seat.

"Well, we have lots to talk about..." Alex started to joke before she saw how Casey's heart rate seemed to pick up at her voice.

"See," Carol acknowledged as the doctor came in the room.

Dr. LaFevere spent the next thirty minutes explaining Casey's condition. He explained how exactly the bullet ruptured and damaged the redheads lungs and heart. He continued to express that even though they'd like to see Casey wake up soon that her body had been through an extensive amount of surgery over the last 26 hours and she needed to rest. He did explain that she wasn't out of the woods yet and they were closely monitoring her for bleeding as well as potential blood clots.

Alex tried to follow everything the doctor was saying but eventually all she could do was slip into the comfort of her memory. Remembering happier times with Casey. Remembering how they'd met and fell in love. She was so in her thoughts she didn't notice the doctor leave or Annalise bring the coffee. She didn't hear Annalise and Carol leave. As a matter of a fact, by the time she came out of her head she wasn't exactly sure how much time had passed.

"Casey, I miss you." She finally spoke. "I've missed you for far too long."

Watching Casey's heart rate increase slightly, Alex smiled. Her Casey was still in there...

"I got your letter. I've read it about a thousand times. By the way, you aren't off the hook with being married to me. I was so upset last night that you'd actually signed the papers that a burned them with Annalise. She swore she'd testify that we never got them. Plus, you can't fight Annalise in court...she's far to good." Alex laughed a little at their inside joke about her friend. Talking to her wife was becoming easier and easier.

"I know you said you changed in the letter, and you did, Casey, but so did I. I should have stayed and fought for us. I am just as guilty, baby. I am sorry and I hope you can forgive me, Casey. I..." She paused to pull herself together, "I love you, Casey. I want us to be together. I want us to be happy again."

Taking Casey's hand in her own, she squeezed it tight, and kissed it, "You can't leave me Casey. I am here now and I am not leaving without you this time. Plus," Alex said standing and placing Casey's hand to her stomach, "We are having a baby, Casey. I want you to be with us. I want to live the dreams we made together. I want the life we wanted together. I am sorry for pushing you away, but I am here now Casey."

Sitting back down beside her wife, she wiped away the tears that had escaped her eyes. Composing herself she went back to the comfort of her happy memories. Smiling, she came up with an idea.

"So, when the doctor was here his words became more than I could handle. I started to think about happier times, like the day we met." Alex smiled as she talked and her toned became more controlled. "Do you remember that day, Casey?"


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Sorry for the lack of updates with the Fairytale in New York, HG and I got a bit burned out with it. If I am feeling Christmasy tomorrow, I will crank out the rest...or I could write this instead...or Let's Be Still. ;)**

* * *

 **"All I want is nothing more**

 **Than to hear you knocking at my door**

 **'Cause if I could see your face once more**

 **I could die a happy man I'm sure**

 **When you said your last goodbye**

 **I died a little bit inside**

 **I lay in tears in bed all night**

 **Alone without you by my side"**

 **All I Want by Kodaline**

Listening to the sound of the air pump breathing for her wife, Alex repeated, "Do you remember the day we met, Casey? I do, very well."

Thinking back to that day, Alex smiled, "You were so excited, I felt bad to be honest. I knew how that job could take everything out of you. Anyway it all started with you knocking..."

* * *

 **Six years earlier...**

Casey walked down the hall of the sixth floor of the District Attorney's office. She was excited about her new position at Sex Crimes, but very nervous as well. Never once in her career as an assistant district attorney had she imagined working for Sex Crimes, but this is where the district attorney wanted her.

Reaching her new office, she discovered her predecessor Alexandra Cabot packing a box. The blonde was known for her overwhelming success. Smiling the redhead knocked on the doorframe to announce her presence.

Alex startled a little at the unexpected sound before looking up from the pile of law books she was packing away. Locking eyes with the redhead standing before her, she couldn't help but notice the way her heart sped up and her breath caught a little in her throat. She knew who Casey was, but something right at this moment seeing the redhead in front of her caught her attention. Not wanting to get caught staring, Alex quickly smiled and walked forward. "Casey, Alex Cabot, I don't think we have ever been formally introduced," Alex said holding out her hand.

"No," Casey replied shaking the blondes hand a little too eagerly, "I don't think we have." Casey couldn't help but notice how beautiful the blonde was she felt a little star struck in her presence.

"Well, it's nice to actually meet you." Alex said before breaking the handshake and moving back towards her pile of books. "Come on in and get yourself acquainted. I personally like keeping the desk here. It lets you see your surroundings better."

Casey walked into the office, taking in the feel of her new space. "It looks nice and open. It's quite a large office." Casey mused.

"Yeah, well you should have seen the shoe box they had me in here before this! I think we deserve it. The cases are long and tough, but at least here we have enough place to help prep and work the late nights. Way better than before when I constantly had to move back and forth between conference rooms and my office." Alex laughed as she placed the last of the books in a box. "Finished! So, you are coming from White Collar is that right?"

"Yeah," Casey said examining the book shelves.

"That's a pretty good gig, why'd you leave?"

"Honestly," Casey said sitting down in the desk chair and checking out the drawers, "I don't mean to sound pretentious, but it was just too easy. I needed a challenge to stay engaged. I put in for a transfer and hoped I might land in Homicide, but Branch thought this would be my best fit. Where are you headed?"

Alex bit her lip, "Don't hate me...Homicide. I am the new Bureau Chief."

Casey laughed hard. The sound struck Alex in an unusual way. It was beautiful to her and something she'd love to hear again. "I don't hate you. Congratulations, that's a huge promotion."

"Yeah, it is. This job can take you places if you work hard, but take it from me get to where you want to go and leave it behind. If you stay to long it will tear you apart." Alex cautioned.

"Thanks for the tip," Casey said watching Alex pick up the box to leave. "Will I see you around?"

"I am sure of it. I am only moving down to the fourth floor. Feel free to stop by and visit anytime." Alex said as she walked down the hallway.

* * *

A little over a week later, Alex sat in her office working on prep for a case that started the following week. While she didn't necessarily love her new job and the seemingly incompetent new ADA's, she was working hard to prove that she could turn nothing into something. At least, that's what she kept telling herself as she bounced her foot against the floor to relieve the stress that was quickly mounting.

Hearing a knock against her door, Alex called out, "Come in," and under her breath, "If you dare..."

As the door opened, she looked up and saw Casey. The redhead looked drained and miserable. "Tough first case?" Alex asked. She knew the answer and details, but she also knew the immense pain of keeping all of it locked inside.

Casey didn't speak, she just shook her head yes and sat down in the chair opposite Alex's desk. Alex sat for a moment staring into Casey's clearly tear filled eyes. Taking a nervous breath, Alex thought of a plan. "Talk or drink?"

"Drink." Casey forced out.

"Come on, I know just the place." Leading Casey, away from the District Attorney's office, she took the redhead to her favorite bar. Finding a table, Alex ordered them both a glass of the bars finest whiskey.

As the bartender arrived back and set the drinks down on the table, Casey finally spoke, "Alex...I...I'm not cut out for this unit."

"Yes, you are Casey. You are way more ready for this unit than you think you are," Alex assured.

Casey took a long sip before adding, "It was horrible, Alex."

Nodding, Alex sat back in her seat and frowned, "They all are Casey. They all will be, but you have an ability in the court room and you can use it to get justice for the victims. Look at all the ones you helped today, Casey."

Casey smiled weakly. Dropping her head, she wiped her silent tears as Alex scooted into the seat next to her and began to rub her back. "It will get easier, Casey. It will. I promise."

After a few minutes, Casey composed herself and Alex began sharing her own stories of working the unit. She shared the horror stories and the funny moments in the squad room. By the end of her stories, she had Casey laughing so hard that all she could do was smile at the redhead. Something about this moment was magical even in the wake of Casey's struggles. The redhead was simply captivating.

As the night continued so did the indulging, and before either woman realized they each were painfully drunk, Casey a bit more so than Alex. Alex managed to get them a cab and coerce Casey to get inside. The redhead kept rambling about how she lived in a different direction and it would be better for her to get another one, but Alex wasn't about to leave the redhead alone at this moment. Though once inside the cab, Casey couldn't remember where it was she lived.

Giving the cabbie her address, it wasn't long till they were at Alex's apartment. Getting inside, the blonde led them to the elevator. "Alex, where are we?" Casey asked unsure of her surroundings.

Letting her head fall back against the wall, Alex bit her lip not to laugh. "I brought you home with me. You couldn't remember where you live, Case."

Casey smiled a cheesy grin and Alex couldn't help but laugh this time. "Case, I like the sound of that. Here's the case, Case," Casey said in a goofy tone.

"I am going to pee my pants, please stop, Case." Alex said with a smirk.

"I like it!" Casey replied as the elevator came to a stop. A stop that quickly made Casey turn a sickly shade, "Oh my god, Alex. I am going to be sick."

"Not in here!" Alex shrieked dragging Casey down the hall to her apartment. Quickly letting them inside, and ushering Casey to the half bath just in time. Holding Casey's hair back the blonde couldn't help but feel guilty.

After Casey emptied her stomach, Alex helped her up and to her bathroom to get cleaned up. She let the redhead take a shower while she got her some clean clothes to wear. Then helped her to bed, being sure to place a trash can next to her side.

Brushing a wet lock of red hair from Casey's face, Alex smiled, "Well Case, their is one thing I know for sure."

"What?"

"You are banned from whisky," Alex laughed. "I'm going to get cleaned up too, then I will be back."

"Okay, Terminator," Casey smiled weakly.

* * *

The next morning, Casey awoke very confused. The first idea through her head was am I clothed, she was which was a relief for the moment. The second thought was where am I, and this question was one she couldn't answer.

Feeling panic overtake her, she looked around the room. It wasn't hers and she had no idea where she was, but the smell of fresh coffee let her know that the person she'd gone home with wasn't far away. The alarming part was she wasn't wearing her own clothes and she wasn't sure if she had...

"Hey, sleepyhead," Alex's voice cut threw the redheads train of thoughts which quickly stirred up a whole new panic attack. Did she sleep with Alex?

"H-how'd I get here?" Casey asked quickly regretting talking at all considering how her head began to pound from her hangover.

"Well, Starshine, you where to drunk to remember where you lived last night so I brought you home with me. I mean, you wanted to sleep in a box behind the bar with a fellow drunk homeless man, but I convinced you it was unbecoming of one of Manhattans finest ADA's." Alex said in as straight a face as she could manage.

The horror that befell Casey was so hilarious that Alex couldn't keep a straight face any longer and she burst out laughing falling on the bed beside Casey. "Oh my god, Case I am joking! You were just miserably drunk and I brought you home with me. You got sick, so I let you shower and borrow some of my clothes."

"Oh, okay," Casey answered letting everything sink in as she remembered all she could about the night. Her head began to pound causing her to whisper, "The case...the bar...ugh, too much whisky...never...again."

"Well, Starshine get some rest. I will make you some coffee and toast." Alex smiled before leaving the room.

Later that afternoon, Casey walked out of Alex's bedroom to find her friend sitting on her couch reading a book. She'd slept most of the day away and was finally ready to trek home. Seeing Alex look up at her the redhead smiled, "Sorry for occupying your bed all day."

"It's no problem. Honestly, I had a great time last night." Alex said causing an eruption of butterflies to course through Casey's veins. She couldn't help but wonder if the blonde was attracted to her as well.

"Yeah, we should do it again soon." Casey replied hoping to get a conformation as to whether the blonde liked her or not.

Alex bit her lip. She knew Casey was ready to go, but she didn't want her to leave until they had plans to hang out again. "We should. Hey, you went to Harvard Law am I correct?"

"I did."

"Are you going to the Alumni meeting at the beginning of October?" Alex questioned. It was still a month away, but at least it might force them to hang out in between.

"Yes," Casey lied. She'd declined the invitation, but she could easily fix that with a phone call. "Want to ride together?"

"Yes, that would be great. I hate taking that drive alone." Alex walked Casey to the door.

As Alex let Casey out, Casey turned to face the blonde. "Hey, how'd you know my drunken nickname of Starshine this morning?"

"Oh," Alex laughed. "Abbie called me about a case note and wanted to know why I was whispering before getting to the living room. She told me all about your rendition of 'Hair' and your super drunk version of 'Good Morning Starshine.' I don't think liquor is your friend, Case."

Blushing a deep shade of red, Casey ducked her head, "Not in large quantities. Well, now that I need to go jump off the Brooklyn Bridge, I bid you farewell."

"Don't worry Starshine, your secret is safe with me." Alex called down the hallway as Casey waved goodbye.

Entering the elevator, Casey laid her head back against the wall. Despite the hangover, she'd had an amazing time with the blonde. Smiling, Casey couldn't wait to hang out with the blonde again.

* * *

 **Present Day...**

"I will never forget how cute you looked blushing in the hall that day. I didn't know it then, but I was falling fast for you." Alex said having to bite her lip directly after the words left her to keep from crying.

Holding her wife's hand, Alex looked for any sign of Casey to be in there. Squeezing the redhead's hand, she laid her head on the bed and whispered, "I love you, Casey. Please come back to me."


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: So, I forgot to mention that I borrowed Annalise Keating from the brilliantly talented Shonda Rhimes' show How to Get Away With Murder. Also, Casey's mother Carol is based off of Carol from the Walking Dead.**

 **Just in case you are a WD fan, HG thinks I'd be Carol in the event of a zombie apocalypse...I wouldn't mind that, but I'd also like to be a bit bad ass with a samurai sword like Michonne! HG would be Stick Man aka Morgan. So, I'd have to protect her and all. Just filling you in. :)**

* * *

 **I roll the window down,**

 **And then begin to breathe in,**

 **The darkest country road,**

 **And the strong scent of evergreen.**

 **From the passenger seat as you are driving me home.**

 **Then looking upwards,**

 **I strain my eyes and try,**

 **To tell the difference between shooting stars and satellites.**

 **From the passenger seat as you are driving me home.**

 **"Do they collide?"**

 **I ask and you smile.**

 **With my feet on the dash,**

 **The world doesn't matter.**

 **When you feel embarrassed then I'll be your pride,**

 **When you need directions then I'll be the guide.**

 **For all time.**

 **For all time.**

 **Passenger Seat by Death Cab for Cutie**

"Hey, Casey Cat, its Mama," Carol said biting back tears. "I sent Alex home to get cleaned up and rest a bit. She doesn't sleep much here..."

Listening to the machines, Carol shook her head to try and clear herself of her dreadful thoughts. She couldn't help but wonder if Casey would ever wake up again. The doctors had explained that it could take awhile, but it was starting to get hard to believe that it may ever happen. Holding her daughter's hand, she prayed for the strength she needed to be strong for her.

Taking a deep breath, Carol forced a smile to her face, "I know you need your rest, but you are not allowed to leave me Casey. I have lost to much in this life and I refuse to lose you too. Now, I know Alexandra has been reminding you of how you first met and I think that is a great idea. It's always nice to focus on happy times when things get rough."

Carol paused to wipe away her tears, she was trying to be strong but it was much harder than she'd anticipated. She didn't want to think about losing her daughter. Closing her eyes tight she tried to think about about a happier time. Smiling wide she opened her eyes, "Casey, do you remember when you and Abbie came to dinner shortly after you and Alex started hanging out?"

* * *

 **Six years earlier...**

"Mom!" Casey yelled out entering her mothers home in Queens, "Abbie and I are here for dinner!"

Walking out of the kitchen, Carol shook her head at her daughter, "Well, I hope you two intend to make it!"

Plopping down on the couch and propping her feet up on the table, Abbie laughed, "Take out it is then!"

"Feet off my table, Abigail," Carol said with a raised eyebrow, before laughing as she watched the ADA remove her feet cautiously. "I am just teasing. Make yourself at home."

"Thank god, that was about to get awkward." Abbie joked, placing her feet back up.

As Casey and Carol sat in the chairs near the couch, Carol said, "So, Casey, tell me about this new girl you like...what's her name, Alex?"

Casey's eyes went wide in horror at her mother for revealing to Abbie who her crush was, as Abbie exclaimed, "Alex! That's who you are crushing on?"

"Well, yeah, kind of..." Casey admitted as a scarlet blush covered her face.

"Sorry, honey, I didn't know Abbie wasn't aware." Carol said before standing, "I will give you two a minute while I go get the takeout menus. Would you girls like something to drink?"

They nodded yes, and once Carol entered the kitchen, Casey blurted, "Okay, I have a crush on Alex, but you can't tell anyone, especially Kim, do you hear me!"

"Loud and clear." Abbie replied, "So, have you told Alex?"

"No, I was waiting to talk to you about it first. I just hadn't built up enough guts to admit how I felt about her yet to you." Casey admitted biting her lip, "So, is she into women? I don't mean to sound lame and all, but I can't get a good read on her."

"Wow, hit me with the hard questions how about it." Abbie replied with a sympathetic tone. "I honestly don't know. I mean Alex just isn't a relationship person I guess. The whole time I've known her she's never dated anyone to be honest. Maybe she's into women?"

Casey went pale, "You are kidding me right? You've known and hung out with Alex for three years and you've never talked to her about liking men or women?"

"We've never talked about it. Plus, Casey, you have been hanging out with Cabot almost daily this past month and you are going out of town with her this week, why haven't you?" Abbie pointed out.

"Because I like her!" Casey blurted as Carol walked back into the room.

"Wow, what's all the commotion about?" Carol asked setting down the bottle of wine and glasses before passing the girls the takeout menus.

"Oh, Starshine here doesn't know if Alex is into women and thought I'd know but I don't." Abbie said sifting through the menus. "I vote this Italian place, they have awesome lasagna and I will buy!"

"Done," Carol and Casey replied in unison.

Smiling at her daughter, Carol said, "Casey Cat, why don't you just tell Alex how you feel and see how she feels. You two obviously have been spending a lot of time together. She must be interested in you."

"Your mom is right, Case, I've never seen Alex hang out with someone as much as she does you." Abbie said pulling out her phone to order.

Pouring the wine, Casey shook her head, "I can't. What if she wants to just be friends and I ruin that friendship telling her that I have romantic feelings for her?"

"Well, what else are you going to do?" Carol asked.

* * *

 **Present day...**

"You didn't just have romantic feelings for her Casey, and I could see it clear as day. It's why you were so scared to tell her. You were already in love with her." Carol squeezed her daughters hand tight, "And you still are Casey, and she is so in love with you. So come back to us, come back to Alex, Casey, she needs you, and so do I."

Hearing the door open, Carol turned to see Annalise walk in. "Hey," she whispered, "I came to give you a break. Let you go get some dinner and rest. I will sit with her."

"Okay," Carol said standing, letting Annalise have the chair. "We've been talking to her about how she and Alex met."

"I've got the best story then for you Casey," Annalise said focusing on the redhead. "It begins with Alex calling me before you and her came to the Harvard Law reunion that first time together..."

* * *

 **Six years earlier...**

"Annalise!" Screeched the blonde over the line.

Pulling the phone away from her ear with a wince of pain, Annalise scolded, "Not so loud, Al. What is wrong?"

"I have a huge problem." Alex said stretching out on her couch.

"Spill it, I don't have all day Cabot." Annalise said as she reapplied her lipstick in the mirror.

"I think I like someone," Alex admitted biting her lip.

As curiosity peaked, Annalise waved her girlfriend Eve over and placed the phone on speaker phone. "Go on."

Hearing the change in the sound of the phone call, Alex rolled her eyes, "Hi Eve."

"Hi," Eve responded. "Now dish!"

"Okay. Well, I don't really know," Alex started as she stood and began to pace the room. "I don't know if I like like her or just enjoy her company."

"Wait, did you say her?" Annalise questioned, as Eve pushed her in the shoulder and yelled, "I told you!"

"What?" Alex frowned.

"Alex," Annalise started, giving Eve the eye that said shut up, "Eve and I have wondered if you might be into women but unsure of your thoughts on that matter. Hence, why you don't date."

"Oh." Alex muttered as pieces began to fall apart. "So, I might like like Casey? What if she doesn't like me back? She's become my best friend here."

"Why don't you calm down and Eve and I will talk to you this weekend?" Annalise offered.

"She's coming with me!" Alex blurted slightly freaking out.

"Perfect!" Eve exclaimed, "We can meet her!"

"And help you with your problem, Al. Don't freak out. We will help you." Annalise assured.

* * *

Flicking off the radio, Alex groaned, "Are you digging out yet another Tori Amos album Casey?"

With shock falling over her face, Casey dropped her voice to one of its deeper tones while placing her hand on her chest, "Alexandra Cabot, are you saying you don't like Tori Amos?"

"No, but I need some music I can sing a long to for this last stretch of the trip, and well Tori isn't doing it for me." Alex said focusing on the road.

"Good," the redhead laughed, "I was about to say I wasn't sure if we could be friends anymore!"

Casey's words stung just a bit and Alex tried to hide her disappointment with a faked laugh, "Okay so what's up next then? We both have to sing to it!"

"I think you'll like this, if you don't know it then we have a problem..." Casey said as she slipped the new mix cd of hers that she'd made just for this trip with songs that reminded her of Alex into the slot, and whispered in Alex's ear, "Prepare to enjoy, Alexandra, I made this mix for this trip..."

The all to familiar sounds of the Counting Crows song 'Mr. Jones,' began to play making Alex smile wide, "I love this song!"

"So do I," Casey beamed clearly pleased that Alex already liked the first song.

Alex couldn't help burst into laughter as the next song was Darkness song 'I Believe in a Thing Called Love.' "Best mix ever, Casey!"

"Thanks," Casey smiled, sincerely hoping her cd mix might tell Alex how she truly felt for the blonde, but as they continued to sing a long to the songs and finally arrived in Cambridge it was very apparent that Alex hadn't picked up on the message. At least, Casey wasn't certain if she had.

As they arrived at their hotel, they checked into their rooms and decided to meet up for dinner in an hour before the weekend festivities began. Walking silently to her room, Casey unlocked her room door, threw down her bag and plopped down on her bed quickly calling her best friend. Hearing the brunette answer, Casey groaned, "Abbie, it didn't work!"

"Oh, you are talking about your lame mixtape telling Alex how you feel for her? Told you so!" Abbie laughed.

"Your a jerk, you know that right?" Casey said without venom in her tone as she rolled onto her stomach.

"Yep," Abbie laughed, "Kim tells me often. You know she's got a new guy..."

"Who!" Casey asked cheering up by the gossip of their best friend."

"Some doctor, I think his name is Owen."

Casey shook her head, "You get an 'F' in the gossip arena. I will text Serena, she is guaranteed to know more details. By the way, are you ever going to ask her out?"

"Bye, Novak!" Abbie snapped.

"Bye, Abbs," Casey laughed. Disconnecting the call, Casey quickly text Kim, 'New guy and you haven't told me yet! What's his name!' Before standing and getting cleaned up.

Walking down to the lobby, Casey smiled when she heard Alex's beautiful laugh filter across the room. She spotted her across the room, talking to two women that she assumed where Alex's law school friends, Annalise and Eve. Nearing the three women, Casey briefly overheard Eve say, "Just go for it, Alex."

"Go for what?" Casey asked awkwardly quickly wishing she hadn't as the three women stared at her like she had a third head clearly they hadn't seen her approaching.

"You must be Casey," Annalise quickly said smoothing the awkward moment over. "Alex, has told us so much about you!"

"Yes, she just goes on and on about you. All good things of course," Eve offered. Their polite gestures began to make Casey feel more at ease, but the unmistakeable blush still coating Alex's cheeks was hard to miss. Casey couldn't help but feel like their was something she was missing.

Dinner passed with fun stories of Alex, Annalise and Eve's time at Harvard Law, followed by a mock trial between Casey and Annalise. Casey had taunted that her conviction rate should prove that she was an equal match in the courtroom for Annalise. The defense attorney quickly proved that she was not one to ever lose a case, even a mock dinner one.

Seeing Casey's dismay at losing, Alex laughed, "Aw, come on Starshine, I have something that can cheer you up!" Taking Casey's hand, Alex quickly led her away from the table and outside to the courtyard off the back of the restaurant.

Walking down the steps leading away to a grassy moonlit space, the cool early October night air got to Alex causing a shiver to run through her. She had dressed in black pants and a off white sleeveless top, wanting to look good versus dress weather appropriate. Casey noticing how cold Alex clearly was wasted no time slipping off her leather jacket and passing it to the blonde.

"Casey, just because I dressed like an idiot doesn't mean you should have to freeze."

"Alex, I have a long sleeved turtle neck on, I promise I am more than fine," Casey lied. She may have been wearing the long sleeved shirt, but in truth it and her thin black pants were little protection from the cold. She just didn't want to see Alex cold.

Helping Alex into the jacket, the blonde led them to a bench. Looking around, Casey saw just how beautiful it was even at night in this semi-private spot. The moonlight lit up the little stream and the stars seemed to shine so bright as if a thousand diamonds had been tossed into the sky, and then their was the restaurant behind them that softly offered the sounds of life.

"It's really beautiful here, Alex, but why are we out here?" Casey questioned.

Alex wasn't fully aware herself why she'd brought Casey to this spot. It had seemed instinctual at the time she'd led the redhead away. At this moment, looking into Casey's emerald eyes and seeing just how the redheads hair seemed to even shine in the moonlight all Alex could think about was telling Casey how she thought she was falling for the redhead and how she wanted to kiss her, but then Casey's words about them being friends came rushing back to her. All nerve was lost.

"I brought you here Casey..." Alex began, "I brought you here Casey to show you beauty. Remember this moment Casey, the beauty of the stars, the moon, the water and the sounds of those happy people in there...you are going to be working the worst cases imaginable for the next few years, but you have to focus on this, the beauty of everything else around you and all that is good in the world. It will be the only thing that saves your soul."

Casey listened to everything Alex was saying, but the only thing she could focus on was Alex. Alexandra Cabot was the only thing she needed to survive all the horrors in the world. She just needed to figure out how to make her hers for life.

* * *

 **Present day...**

"That was the night that I knew, Alex didn't just like you, she was in love with you, Casey." Annalise said with a smile. "She wanted to protect you and that was something I'd never seen her do before."

Finally taking in the full reality of her red headed friends situation, Annalise silently prayed for a miracle. "You need to wake up Casey. You need to get better and get out of here. You need to drag your sorry ass to Cambridge, work for me, yeah, I said me because I am the only one smart enough to hire you, and grovel daily to your wife. She'll forgive you fully the moment you wake up if she hasn't already. Come back to us Casey. Come back to Alex."

Hearing the door open, Annalise stopped talking and turned to find Alex in the doorway. "That wasn't a long enough break, Cabot."

"I can't be away that long and you know it. If it were Eve in this bed, you'd never leave." Alex chastised.

"Yeah, well if I were pregnant I would to ensure the health of my baby." Annalise snapped.

"I called my OB like you ordered and he said that as long as I wasn't cramping or feeling ill then I was fine to sit by her bed, as long as I was eating and drinking properly." Alex huffed wanting to do nothing more than to curl up on the bed next to her wife.

"And are you eating and drinking properly?"

"Yes," Alex replied exasperated by Annalise's refusal to get up.

"Good, have a seat." Annalise replied as she vacated the seat. "I have to head back to Cambridge today. I spoke with Abbie, Kim and Olivia. They all are going to take swifts coming up to help you and Carol. Don't be mad with me for helping, you and Carol don't need to worry about cooking or cleaning right now."

"I'm not. Thank you, Annalise." Alex said as she hugged her friend and sat down.

Listening to Annalise leave, Alex took Casey's hand in her own. "I love you, Casey. I love you. I love you."

Saying the words made her smile, and made her remember another moment in their lives, "Do you remember the first time I said those words to you Casey..."


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: Lexicabot, your wish is my command! ;) Mostly, because I have nothing but time on my hands, and because you asked so nicely. Oh, by the way, I am sorry, I forgot to mention Owen Hunt is from the brilliant Shonda Rhimes's Grey's Anatomy. She and Owen are just to perfect together in my opinion. Plus, I thought it was time for an Abbierena pairing as well. :)**

* * *

 **Lost in a daydream of blue,**

 **I feel so free.**

 **And then it's like I fall from the sky,**

 **Everything that I see is you.**

 **And you should know that,**

 **I'm thinking about what you said.**

 **When you held my hand.**

 **Oh, I adore you.**

 **Now we are older and things disappeared somehow.**

 **And I was thinking that maybe,**

 **We'd stand better chance if we met today.**

 **I find myself talking to sharks,**

 **On my way to an island, and still.**

 **I adore you.**

 **I was young, I was old,**

 **And we were in, we were out.**

 **I wanna see, I wanna see it all,**

 **I wanna die, I wanna die.**

 **Sweetheart, sweetheart,**

 **I thought I saw,**

 **I thought I saw a light.**

 **I see it now, I see it now.**

 **I Adore You by Melpo Mene**

Hearing Casey's heartbeat pick up a little as it always did when Alex spoke to her wife, Alex smiled. She knew deep down her Casey was fighting to come back to her. She just hoped it would be sooner than later.

Taking a breath, she asked again, "Do you remember the first time I said those words to you Casey?" Thinking back to the time, she continued, "I do. We were at Branch's New Years Eve party..."

* * *

 **Six years earlier...**

Casey walked in the large home of Arthur Branch. It was a beautifully decorated and the guests were dressed to the nines. Casey suddenly felt awkwardly uncomfortable in her attire of jeans, sweater top and once again her favorite leather jacket, but she hadn't intended to visit Branch's party yet now here she was thanks to Alexandra Cabot's pleas.

Casey had decided to spend this New Years Eve with the squad of SVU. They'd finally accepted her and invited her to Elliot's to ring in the New Year. So she'd dressed comfortably for their casual get together of laughter, good food and Munch's home brew. However, after the tenth text from Alex begging Casey to save her from the stuffiness of Branch's shindig, Casey found herself in a cab headed all the way back to Manhattan to possibly the nicest Brownstone she'd ever stepped foot in.

Scanning the crowd, she quickly spotted Kim and her new boyfriend, Owen. Heading their way, she caught sight of Abbie flirting with Serena and gave her friend a thumbs up. Maybe tonight they'd both get their girls.

As she approached Kim, a waiter passed by with a tray of champagne. Stopping the waiter, she downed one glass then picked up two more, "Thanks! I needed the liquid courage," Casey winked, closing the last few spaces between Kim and her, "Do you know where Alex is?"

"Happy New Year to you too," Kim began with a laugh. "Yeah," pointing her finger across the room to a table near the bar, "She was trying to sneak out the back way I think and was caught by McCoy, Branch and Petrovsky."

"Wow, I need a full on tactical plan to get her away." Casey muttered now feeling super self conscious about her attire.

"I happen to be great with tactical procedures with rescue missions," Owen offered.

"Really?" Casey asked raising an eyebrow at Kim, "Where did you meet this guy again?"

"So, a pair of Jimmy Choo's and I had a disagreement on the steps of the courthouse...and I may have fallen...and I may have needed stitches...and Owen may have been my ER Doctor. Oh, and he is ex military." Kim quickly replied.

"Got it. Okay, tell me your plan," Casey ordered, losing patience.

"Walk over tell them you have to steal Alex away immediately for confidential case matters and you can't explain since there is a sitting judge present." Owen offered.

"Lame," Kim said, "You need something better. Just say Sex Crimes emergency and grab her arm and lead her away. No one will want to ruin their holiday with details."

"Okay, I think I have a plan." Casey said so softly that Kim and Owen didn't even know she said anything till she started walking off.

Her walk across the room seemed to pass far to quickly. All she could focus on was how beautiful Alex looked; how her red dress highlighted her hair and stunning blue eyes, and how red her lips were. She looked gorgeous and at that moment, Casey knew she'd cross the fiery depths of hell for this woman. She adored Alex Cabot and was madly in love with her how she hadn't told her over the past months she'd never know, but she would tonight.

Suddenly she was beside Alex, holding a glass down to the blonde. Watching Alex take it in one hand and let Casey help her up with the other, Casey looked at the tables surprised occupants, "Sorry, but I need to steal Ms. Cabot away." Everyone just smiled and nodded a farewell. No one questioned for they all knew the two women were in love but hadn't confessed it to the other one yet and everyone hoped tonight might be their night.

Following Alex up the stairs to the above outside balcony, Casey laughed, "I had such a better speech planned, I didn't expect it to be so easy to steal you away!"

"I am so happy you came! Oh my god, I thought I'd be stuck there till the party ended." Alex laughed as she looked Casey over. No matter what the redhead wore she looked amazing and once again she took Alex's breath away.

"Are you cold?" Casey asked suddenly aware of Alex's bare shoulders and the freezing temperatures.

"A little, but it's a welcomed cold right now. This dress is a damn sauna."

"I bet," Casey said sipping her champagne. "I hate having to wear ball gowns. I will have you know though, that I felt super awkward walking through the black tie affair to find you. Next time, you come to me."

"Ugh, I tried. Then Jack saw me and it was all downhill from there." Alex admitted.

"Understandable. They are talkers."

Alex couldn't help but focus on Casey's lips. She wanted to kiss her so badly. She wanted to tell her that she'd fallen in love with her and she was all she could ever think about. She wanted to say so many things to the redhead. Opening her mouth to speak, Alex found herself interrupted by Casey.

"One minute till midnight." Casey said softly praying for the guts to tell Alex how she felt.

"Do you want to go inside?" Alex asked.

"No, I am perfect right here."

"So am I," Alex said with a genuine smile, "Want to know a secret?"

Casey smiled back at the blonde. She loves a good secret and Alex knew it. "Always."

"I've never been kissed on New Years." Alex admitted.

Hearing the crowd below cheer, Casey knew it was midnight and she suddenly didn't have any more fears. She just slowly pulled Alex into her arms and kissed her. It was a slow kiss, a soft kiss, one full of promises to always hold that person close and never let go.

She relished the smell of Alex's perfume and the feel of her arms wrapped tightly around her. She loved the taste of the champagne on her tongue and the feel of her lips against hers. As they finally broke apart, resting their heads together, Casey said, "You are far to beautiful to not be kissed on New Years."

As she finished, she went to leave, but Alex grabbed her hand and pulled her back into her arms. Kissing her softly, Alex whispered, "I am in love with you Casey. I don't know why I have waited so long to tell you, but I love you. I am in love with you. Please say you love me too."

"I love you more than anything, Alexandra." Casey said before recapturing Alex's lips again and pulling her tighter again. In the distance they could hear the fireworks from Time Square, but nothing in this moment mattered more than holding the other one close. Neither would ever want to be anywhere but beside the other.

* * *

 **Present day...**

"I love you more now Casey than I ever have," Alex said wiping a new round of tears that had escaped her. "I never would have gone through with the divorce Casey. I just needed to force you to wake up. You can't leave me Casey. Not now not ever."

"You have to fight Casey. You have to fight to come back to me. We are having a baby, Case. I need you. We need you in our lives." Alex begged.

Hearing the door behind her open, Alex saw Dr. Lafevere walk in. "I am here to check Ms. Novak's vitals." Looking over the machines and listening to Casey, Dr. Lafevere made some notes in the charts then inspected Casey's sutures. "Everything is looking good, and she seems to be trying to breathe more on her own. If she continues to improve we will take the breathing tube out tomorrow. Once it comes out, it will be a matter of time before she wakes up."

"So, she is improving and will wake up?" Alex questioned in caution.

The doctor touched Alex's shoulder, "She should wake up, yes. Keeping talking to her, it is clearly helping."

With that he left, and Alex looked at her still wife. "You better wake up Casey." Pulling her seat closer, Alex smiled, "So, you like my story telling huh? Since you can't make me stop, how about I remind you about the time we went apartment hunting that first summer we were dating..."


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: Okay, you all want sex huh? I guess I can be nice... Maybe. Working on the next update now! ;)**

* * *

 **China,**

 **All the way to New York.**

 **I can feel the distance getting close.**

 **You're right next to me,**

 **But I need an airplane.**

 **I can feel the distance as you breathe.**

 **Sometimes I think you want me to touch you,**

 **How can I when you build the great wall around you?**

 **In your eyes I saw the future together,**

 **You just look away in the distance.**

 **China by Tori Amos**

Laughing at the memory, Alex couldn't help but forget where she and Casey were. She could never forget that rainy though and how husky Casey's voice seemed to become as she became more and more frustrated with Alex's indecisiveness. Smiling she began, "You were so frustrated with me. I thought you were so cute, so it wasn't helping the situation."

Squeezing her wife's hand, Alex continued, "It all started that rainy Saturday morning..."

* * *

 **Six years earlier...**

Casey woke up to the sound of steady rain against the windows. She and Alex were suppose to go looking for a new apartment to call their own today, but Casey had other plans. She preferred to stay in on rainy days and her favorite activity on rainy days could be spent right here in bed with Alex.

Rolling over, Casey pulled Alex close and kissed the corner of her mouth. They'd both been so busy the last few weeks that they'd been missing each other constantly. Since both their leases were coming up, they had scheduled the next four day off to find a new place. Casey figured they could take one day to just enjoy each other instead.

As much as she wanted to just pounce Alex right here and now, she knew Alex preferred to go slow in the morning. Kissing Alex again lightly, she began to press light kisses down the blondes neck earning a moan of pleasure as she reached the blondes pulse point. Climbing on top of her girlfriend she pressed there bodies together as she claimed Alex's lips in a heated kiss.

Breaking for air, Casey panted, "I want you, Alex. It's been far to long."

Kissing Casey again, Alex grinned. She wanted Casey desperately too, but she knew making the redhead wait a little longer would make it that much better. "I know baby. I want you too, but..."

"No, buts..." Casey whined as she rolled over on her back.

Rolling onto her side, Alex kissed Casey's cheek, before whispering in her ear, "I promise to make it worth your while if you help me find our new place today. If we find our new place today, I promise to spend the rest of our time off just enjoying each other."

Casey grinned liking this plan very much. Pinning Alex back against the sheets, she pressed her aching center against Alex's earning an appreciative grunt from the blonde. "So, you are telling me that if we find our new place today that I can spend the next three days enjoying you?"

"Yes." Alex said with a smirk as she rolled her hips up against Casey making her gasp. "And I get to enjoy you too."

"Deal! Get up." Casey said surprisingly loud as she scrambled off Alex and to the shower. Laughing at her girlfriend Alex stood, wondering what she just signed on for today.

Six hours later both women were greatly regretting this plan. They'd managed to see every ten apartments in that time frame and Casey had instantly screamed, "This is it!" As they walked into every apartment making the process increasingly more frustrating for Alex who saw obvious faults with every apartment.

The next biggest problem was the rain had continued to pour in buckets from the sky quickly drenching them both as they climbed from cab to cab. Alex was hungry, cold, and wet, and Casey was just frustrated. Her girlfriends voice always seemed to get huskier the more frustrated she seemed to get, which only seemed to turn Alex on more. She was definitely regretting not taking Casey up on a fun morning in.

"Okay, let's go." Casey groaned as they stopped outside of yet another apartment building. She was so cold and wet and tired that she could care less about seeing another place. As they walked into the nice lobby and Alex talked to the doorman Casey decided this was the last one. They could pick up looking tomorrow.

Seeing Alex walk back over with the keys, Casey frowned confused. "The doorman, doesn't have anyone else here to watch the door and the realtor got called out. Since its vacant he said we could let ourselves in."

Climbing in the elevator, Casey admitted, "Okay, Alex, after this can we just go home. I am ready for a hot bath and bed."

Leaning into Casey's side, Alex said, "That's fine baby. Maybe we can soak in that tub together."

"Hmm, sounds good." Casey agreed as the lift stopped.

Exiting the lift they walked down the hall to the corner apartment. Unlocking it and walking in, both women gasped. The large open floor plan was stunning. The wall of windows overlooking the city was breathtaking, and the living space was large and open to a large kitchen. The hallway down lead to a half bath, an open den, a guest room and bathroom, and a large master bedroom with a beautiful master bath with a large tub and separate walk in shower. It was the perfect apartment for them especially since they loved to entertain.

"Casey, this is it! This is the apartment!" Alex squealed in excitement.

"Yay!" Casey said leaning against the bathroom counter. "Can we sign some papers and go home?"

"Aww, baby," Alex said walking to her girlfriend, "You should be happy, we found the place." Alex said pulling Casey's hips close and kissing her lips. "You remember what that means right?"

"Oh yeah," Casey replied licking her lips, "I do."

"Yeah, so let's sign those papers and go home," Alex said before kissing Casey again. Breaking the kiss she grinned as her hands began to roam under Casey's shirt and bra finding her already hard nipples with her cold fingers eliciting a gasp from Casey as she rolled them between her fingers. "But before we do, I think you deserve a little reward for being so patient with me today."

"Yeah," Casey gasped as her body was quickly reacting to Alex's touches. She felt herself becoming wetter and wetter as she began to throb almost painfully.

"Yeah," Alex whispered pinching Casey's nipples, "Just tell me what you want and I will happily do it."

"Fuck Alex, fuck. I want your mouth, make me come with your mouth. Please," Casey gasped fast.

Alex grinned and kissed Casey passionately as she undid the redheads jeans, laughing as Casey kicked off her shoes so she could slide her jeans and underwear off completely. Running her fingers between Casey's slick folds Alex cursed, "Fuck, you are soaked."

"I have been all day for you." Casey breathed as Alex pushed her against the counter top. Watching Alex kiss her way down her body, Casey found it hard to breathe. As the blonde neared her destination she lifted Casey's leg over her shoulder and locked eyes with the redhead as she ran her warm tongue through Casey's soaked center instantly moaning at the taste, causing Casey to cry out, "Oh god yes, Alex!"

Feeling Alex's talented tongue plunge in deep before moving to flick fast against her clit before plunging in deep again Casey couldn't help but tangle her hands in Alex's hair begging her to just make her come. What Alex was doing felt amazing, but she literally hurt she needed to come so badly. Moving to Casey's clit, Alex sucked Casey's clit into her mouth curling her tongue around it and sucking in fast bursts. "Fuck yes, Alex just...like...fuck I'm coming, I'm coming Alex, fuck..." Casey cried out as her orgasm tore through her.

Alex helped Casey ride out her orgasm, before standing to kiss her girlfriend, "I want you, Casey." Alex grinned before easily sliding two finger nice and deep into Casey. "So wet," she gasped.

"You made me that way," Casey moaned as Alex began to pump her fingers in and out of Casey hitting that spot perfectly. Casey gripped the counter tight as she rolled her hips against Alex's fingers, "I...I am going to...come..." Casey panted as her second orgasm tore through her. Alex slowly slipped her fingers out and let Casey watch as she cleaned them with her mouth.

"I want you, Alex." Casey said in almost a predatory tone.

"Let's go home," Alex grinned knowing they'd get caught if they stayed here much longer.

Quickly dressing and locking up, Casey met Alex downstairs to sign the papers. "Did you get all your pictures Ms. Novak?" The doorman asked.

"What?" Casey started to ask before catching Alex's cover up, "Oh yes, I did thank you."

Casey quickly signed the papers as they paid the deposit. Catching the first cab home, they could barely wait to get out of the cab. As they reached Casey's apartment building, both women could barely make it to the apartment before tearing the others clothes off.

"Fuck Alex, that was so hot." Casey said pressing Alex against the wall as she undid the blondes pants slipping her fingers into her underwear, "You are soaked."

Alex bit her lip in a way that told Casey, Alex knew just what she wanted. Smiling Casey husked, "Tell me."

"I want you to fuck me Casey." Alex gasped. Taking Alex's hand Casey led her into the bedroom.

Stopping in front of the dresser, Casey said, "Get undressed." Walking into her closet, Casey stripped off the rest of her clothes and grabbed their favorite strapless toy easily sliding her end in with a gasp.

Walking back out into the room, Casey moaned at the sight before her. Alex was undressed and bent over the dresser. "I assumed you wanted to watch as you fucked me?" Alex grinned.

Casey didn't say another word, she just walked over to the blonde running her fingers through the blondes soaked center and running the dripping wetness over the toy before slowly slipping the toy inside causing them both to gasp in pleasure. "Fuck baby," Alex gasped, "Faster."

Casey only grunted as she slowly pulled the toy almost the whole way out before plunging back in nice and deep, increasing the speed and force of her thrusts with every pleasurable moan Alex made. Watching Alex in the mirror, was unbelievable. She was so beautiful. Feeling Alex tighten around the toy, Casey gasped. The toy began to move perfectly inside her as she took Alex to the edge, causing Casey to come first and thrust erratically into Alex sending the blonde crashing over the edge finally, screaming, "Yes Casey, fuck yes!"

Holding onto Alex as she regained her breath, Casey removed the toy and tossed it to the side before dropping to her knees causing Alex to gasp as she felt Casey's warm tongue run over her dripping clit. "Fuck yes, Case!" Alex yelled. As Casey flicked her tongue over the blondes clit just the way she liked. "Oh god, Casey I need more," Alex cried out.

Casey pulled away just long enough to turn Alex around and lean her against the dresser slipping Alex's leg over her shoulder before slipping two fingers inside hitting that spot that made Alex moan over and over before flicking her tongue fast against the blondes clit. "Yes, Casey, fuck yes." A few more thrusts of Casey's fingers mixed with her tongue had Alex coming fast and hard in minutes.

Helping the blonde ride her orgasm, Casey slowly stood and removed her fingers cleaning them before kissing Alex. Lifting the blonde into her arms, she carried her to bed and lay down next to her smiling. "Just think baby, we get to spend the next three days just enjoying each other," Casey laughed.

"If you make me come like that again, I'll need three days just to recover." Alex laughed back as she snuggled into Casey's side.

* * *

 **Present day...**

"That was the day I knew I wanted to marry you, Casey." Alex replied with a smile. "Not because of the crazy sex, but because you genuinely loved me so much and I knew it deep within me. I felt safe with you and I knew you'd do anything for me."

Becoming aware of the machines again, Alex frowned as she tried to fight back her sudden need to cry. "I don't know if I fully remember anymore what went so wrong between us. Maybe telling you these stories will help me figure it out. Maybe then we will know how not to make the same mistakes again. Then we can be happy like we use to right? Or we can be better than before...that's it, better."

Hearing the door open, Alex wiped her tears away and turned to see Abbie.


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: Slowin' it down a bit now...I really love writing this story. It's a fun mix. Plus, you all get a deeper insight to how I write! The lyrics from every song directly inspire each chapter which is how I write every story. Always a playlist to influence every story...enjoy! ;)**

* * *

 **Drink up baby, look at the stars,**

 **I'll kiss you again between the bars.**

 **Where I'm seeing you there,**

 **With your hands in the air,**

 **Waiting to finally be caught.**

 **Drink up one more time,**

 **And I'll make you mine.**

 **Keep you apart,**

 **Deep in my heart.**

 **Separate from the rest,**

 **Where I like you the best,**

 **And keep the things you forgot.**

 **Between the Bars by Elliot Smith**

"Good morning, Starshine," Abbie whispered in Casey's ear, "The earth says hello!" Frowning Abbie sat on the edge of the bed, "I can't lie, Case, I was kind of hoping you'd roll over like you normally would from a drunken stupor and curse me. What have you gotten yourself into?"

Moving to the chair next to her best friend, Abbie continued, "So, Alex told me she's been telling you stories of how y'all met and that everyone's been chipping in."

Looking around the room to ensure no one could hear, Abbie whispered, "She just told me she told you the story of y'all finding the apartment. She obviously still after all these years doesn't know that you told me about the hot sex, huh?" Laughing, Abbie joked, "I think I like this version of you, I don't get hit when I say things you don't like. It's nice." As the reality again struck, Abbie corrected, "In all seriousness, wake up soon. We all need you. Plus, who am I going to tell all my Kim gossip too? It's not as fun telling Rena, she already knows it all."

Listening to the machines, and taking Casey's appearance in fully, Abbie began to feel sick. She knew she needed to do something, and thinking of Alex's story telling timeline she got an idea, "I've got the perfect story, do you remember the day you came to my office about buying a ring..."

* * *

 **Five years earlier...**

Abbie sat at her desk in the White Collar unit working on dragging yet another Wall Street executive's good name through the mud. She deemed it was worthy payback for the millions of dollars the CEO had stolen from his employees pension funds. Smiling a sickly sweet smile at her terms to a plea deal, she signed the paper just in time to see Casey run into her office and close the door behind her.

"Whoa, where is the fire Novak?" Abbie questioned her now pacing friend.

"No fire, huge problem." Casey replied as she turned to pace back across the room.

"Wow," Abbie gasped with a genuine smile, "And you came to me over Alex? I feel so honored."

"I can't go to Alex, the problem is about her." Casey said finally sitting across from Abbie.

"Go on..."

"I want to ask Alex to marry me." Casey blurted.

Abbie frowned, she knew Casey wanted to marry Alex so she was having a problem piecing this puzzle together. "How is this a problem suddenly?"

"Because I can't find the perfect ring!" Casey exclaimed throwing her head back. "Kim and I have been to what feels like a hundred stores and I have searched endlessly online, but I just can't find the ring."

Taking a breath, Abbie sat forward, "Okay, let's boil this down, work it like a case," as she spoke she pulled out her legal pad and pen, "Let's start simple, blingy or not blingy?"

Casey thought about Alex and her likes, "Not blingy. She won't want something too showy in case she wants to dress down. It just needs to be uniquely her. Something that fits her perfectly. Like made a diamond, but it needs to be more about the band and less about the diamond factor. Something she can wear to the beach and not have to worry about. She doesn't like to take favorite jewelry off, so it has to work with the wedding band."

"Wow, okay." Abbie replied jotting down all the information given to her. "This is great Casey. Let me send this to my friend Keith. He is a jeweler back in Texas. He is also a wiz at helping to find he perfect jewelry. He will have an answer for us and some options in no time at all."

"Thank you, Abbie!" Casey said as she stood to leave. Reaching the door she turned back. "PS, you know you'd be my person in the wedding, you know best woman or whatever."

"Thanks, Starshine." Abbie smiled as she emailed the information.

* * *

Later that day while sitting in the squad room waiting on Olivia and Elliot, Casey's phone beeped with a new email. Opening it she saw the email Abbie forwarded from Keith. The email contained ten different rings all with matching bands that were perfect.

Everyone of these rings could work for Alex. Now she had a whole new set of problems, how to decide on one ring set. Seeing Olivia walk up, Casey smiled, "Liv, I need your help."

"What's up?" The brunette asked.

Showing her the phone, Casey asked, "Which do you think Alex would like best?"

Olivia's eyes went wide with shock, "Oh my god, Casey...you are going to propose?"

"Yes!" Casey exclaimed with a big smile. "Will you help me?"

"Absolutely." Flipping through the photos, Liv stopped to focus on one. It was a antique milgrain setting with to small side accent diamonds and a one carat brilliant round diamond in the center. The wedding band nicely fit together with the engagement ring and had the same simple milgrain design. It was Casey's favorite of the bunch already, she just needed some reassurance in her choice. Pointing to that ring, Liv said, "This one for sure, Case."

"It's perfect. It was my favorite and you definitely helped seal my decision! It's just so Alex, elegant but not too showy!" Casey whispered excitedly as she sent the confirmation email to Keith. "Thank you, Liv. How can I repay you?"

Liv's eyes lit up at the offer, "Well, since you offered...Do you think you and Alex could set up a chance run in with Alex's new homicide detective? The blonde one, Amanda Rollins?"

Smiling at her friend, Casey laughed, "Without a doubt."

* * *

Later that night, Casey lay in bed holding her girlfriend tight in her arms. She loved holding Alex at night. The blonde always seemed to snuggle against her chest allowing Casey to run her fingers up and down Alex's back and play with her hair. All in all, there was no other place in the world Casey would rather be than holding Alex tight in her arms.

She felt safe and loved with Alex. She always would. She couldn't wait to propose and make Alex her wife.

The best part was she knew exactly how she was going to propose. She just hope everything worked out for her plan. She wanted the moment to be special and very memorable.

* * *

 **Present day...**

"From the moment you two told me you were together, I knew you were meant to be. I don't think anyone else in our group has ever been as in love as you and Alex. You two are the true epitome of soul mates. I think if you never woke up Alex would just give up existing." Abbie muttered.

It was an odd sensation. When she'd walked into this room she felt alive and vibrant and yet now she felt devoid of all happiness. The reality of her best friends condition was draining her.

"You need to wake up soon, Casey." Abbie whispered. Hearing the door open behind her she let out a loud sigh of relief.

"I'll take over Abbie." Carol's warm voice flowed into the room, "Go get some air, I know it isn't easy."

"I am sorry," Abbie whispered leaving the room as quickly as possible.

Carol looked at her daughter and smiled as she walked over and took the seat next to her. "Alex told me that the doctor said you were doing much better. If you keep it up they might take the breathing tube out tomorrow. I want you to keep fighting Casey. We need you to come home to us Casey Cat."

Taking a moment to just watch her daughter, Carol smiled remembering happier times. "One of my favorite memories of us as a family was when you and Alex took me to the cabin here at the end of fall before you all got engaged. Do you remember that Casey Cat?"


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: I promise to eventually go back and finish Let's Be Still and Jessie's Girl. This story is just in control of me right now. Sorry this chapter took me a bit to get out. I really wanted to get it just right. :)**

* * *

 **Wake up naked drinking coffee,**

 **Making plans to change the world,**

 **While the world is changing us.**

 **It was good good love.**

 **You used to laugh under the covers,**

 **Maybe not so often now,**

 **But the way I used to laugh with you,**

 **Was loud and hard.**

 **Stay or Leave by Dave Matthews**

"You and Alex were so in love. I could easily see how much she loved you by the way she looked at you. It was this look that said she'd always be by your side to fight every battle, that she'd weather every storm as long as you loved her. She still has that look of love for you, Casey. I honestly believe she never stopped loving you, and I know you never stopped loving her. So, wake up soon so you two can put things back together." Carol said softly.

"You know, I always felt you two had a special bond. One of mutual respect and understanding. You both understood how it felt to lose loved ones far to soon, and to work hard to achieve something for yourselves. You both love one another unconditionally, Casey, and that's not something to ever let go of honey..."

Listening the the mechanics of the machines for a moment, Carol smiled, "That trip all began with my house being repaired after that pipe burst and I had to move in with you and Alex for the week." She laughed at the memory. "I basically became your housekeeper, cooking and cleaning while you two worked non-stop. I loved it, but you two thought you'd treat me to a long weekend here as a way to say thank you. Do you remember that?"

* * *

 **Five years earlier...**

"Mom!" Casey called out into the apartment as she and Alex entered the apartment in a bustle of laughter. The two had managed to sneak out of work for the day right after lunch and were very excited about their surprise for Carol. "Mom!" Casey called again.

"Yes, what is it!" Carol yelled walking out of the laundry room realizing her daughter couldn't hear her first reply.

Catching her breath, Casey smiled big. Her emerald eyes glimmered so much like her father's that it always pulled at Carol's heart. "Mom, pack your bags, Alex and I are taking you to the lake house upstate for the long weekend."

"Wow," Carol said in shock, "That's really sweet girls, but why?"

Setting down her belongings, Alex smiled at the woman she loved as much as a mother, "It's our way to say thank you, for all you have done for us this past week."

"Well, since it's a thank you, I will go pack, but you two never have to thank me for helping out. I love you girls, it's the least I can do." Carol replied before walking down the hall, quickly followed by Casey chasing a laughing Alex to their room to pack.

A few hours later, the three women were headed upstate. The drive was a bit longer than normal due to the holiday weekend traffic, but as they finally pulled up to the cabin they all felt the trip was worth it. It didn't take terribly long to unpack and settle in to cooking a nice meal for dinner, Casey and Alex insisting on cooking while Carol built a fire.

After dinner, Casey curled up on the couch with Alex while Carol sat in one of the leather arm chairs. Just listening to the fire was more peaceful than any of them could imagine. Sipping her red wine, Carol looked over at her daughter, Casey was so in love and it showed.

It showed in the way she whispered sweet things in Alex's ear causing the blonde to laugh, in the way she held Alex tight in her arms, and in the way her green eyes sparkled whenever she spoke of her. Casey was madly in love and their was no hiding it. Carol knew her daughter was going to propose to her girlfriend and how, now it was just a waiting game, but she didn't doubt that the blonde would say yes.

Watching as the light of the fire, made Casey's hair glow even redder, Carol smiled, "You have so many of your Dad's features."

Alex could feel Casey stiffen slightly before relaxing again. It was something Alex had come to notice anytime, Casey's father was mentioned. "Like what, Mom?"

"Your hair for one, your smile, your green eyes, your mannerisms. You remind me of all the best parts of your father, Casey Cat." Carol whispered.

Casey held Alex just a tad tighter at her mothers words. "Thank you, Mama."

The Novak women retreated to sitting in silence listening to the fire, and Alex began to feel as if she was missing the greater point. She knew Casey's father and sister drowned in an accident when she was a young teen, but beyond that they didn't talk of it. The pain it caused Casey was obvious in her body language, that Alex began to realize she might only notice. Then again, Alex knew the pain of losing loved ones having lost her own parents.

After a bit, Casey stood and stretched. "I am going to head to bed. I am beat after work and the drive."

"I think I will join you, baby." Alex said, knowing that Casey needed her. "I am spent as well. Goodnight, Carol." Alex said following Casey into their room.

As the two women dressed for bed, no words were spoken. They didn't have to exchange words, Alex knew Casey was hurting and she knew exactly what she needed just like Casey always knew her needs. Pulling Casey into her arms, she breathed in the scent that was only Casey. She was madly in love with the redhead and would do anything to make her feel loved and safe. Always.

"I love...you, Alexandra." Casey said with a crack in her voice as tears rolled down her cheeks.

"I love you too, Casey. Do you want to talk about it?" Alex asked with her head tucked against Casey's shoulder.

Casey shook her head no, "I just miss them. I miss my dad. I miss my sister."

"I understand, sweetheart." Alex whispered pulling Casey closer as she cried.

As they fell asleep, Alex watched the moonlight dance across the lake. It amazed her how peaceful life could be even with the pain that could be bottled up inside of you. The trick was finding the one person you trusted well enough to speak those demons too. Finding that person, holding them close and loving them no matter what came your way. Casey was that person for her.

* * *

The next morning Alex awoke to a note on the bed next to her. Casey was always sweet to leave her love notes to wake up to if she was going to be waking up alone. Stretching, Alex reached for her glasses before laying back on the bed.

 _My dearest Alexandra,_

 _I am sorry that you are waking up alone. I couldn't sleep and after watching you sleep peacefully for a bit I decided to get up and go for a run. I just need to clear my head baby, don't worry. I will be home soon._

 _Mom is up, so she will keep you company. I made you your yogurt, it's in the fridge, but knowing my mother she has probably fixed you a giant breakfast. Coffee is ready, and yes my dear it is extra strong just for you. I love you, kiss you soon._

 _All my love,_

 _Casey_

Alex held the letter in her hands as she smiled. Every day with Casey made her heart grow a little bigger with love. She knew she wanted to spend her life with the redhead, she just wondered if Casey felt the same way.

Standing she got a put together and headed out into the cabins kitchen. Sure enough, Carol had fixed a breakfast of eggs, bacon, and toast. Fixing a plate and grabbing her yogurt and coffee, Alex headed outside to join Carol on the porch.

"Morning, Alex," Carol said as she held her own coffee cup in front of her chest as if it were a shield.

"Good morning. Any sign of Casey yet?" Alex asked sitting in the rocker next to Carol as she set her coffee and plate on the table between them.

"No," Carol answered, "Not yet..." Alex could sense that Carol had more to say, so she gave the older woman a moment to find her words. "Alex, how did your parents die? Do you mind me asking?"

Alex took a sip of her coffee taking her own moment to process the blunt question. Normally, she'd inform the intruder to keep such questions to themselves, but she thought of Carol as a mother to her, so she allowed the question. "They aren't dead, it's just what I tell people. It's easier that way to stop the lines of questioning. People back away from the question and leave me be that way."

"What happened?" Carol asked not afraid to pry. This was about her daughter and her daughters safety, therefore it allowed her permission in her mind.

"They moved to Paris after I graduated college. I gained full access to my trust fund that year, so they didn't think that I required their presence in the US any longer. I decided to stay with them that summer while they were moving into their villa, so I flew over. When I got there they asked me what I needed. I was confused, and asked them what they meant, and they made it clear that it was their time to be together. They'd raised me and now it was my turn to go find my way. They basically kicked me out of the nest. My parents had always been distant and uninvolved, but they were still my parents. I wanted to be with them, but they wouldn't even let me stay in their home. They told me to get a hotel, that it was part of teaching me to be independent and self sufficient. Needless to say, I took the next flight out."

Taking a breath to remove the stabbing pain from her chest, Alex regrouped and continued, "I moved in with my best friend Annalise and her girlfriend Eve until I bought my own place. They became my family. The only other time I talked to my parents was to invite them to my law school graduation. They said congratulations, but said they couldn't attend that they thought they might go to India for a holiday. It was four months in advance." She shook her head at the memory and continued, "I asked them if they could postpone and come to support me, and they told me I was being needy and they raised me better. I haven't spoke to them since, and I have no intention of ever doing so. They are as good as dead to me." As she finished she wiped the tears from her eyes, furious at her weakness. "I will never treat my own children like that. I will be a wonderful mother like you, Carol."

"I am far from wonderful, Alex." Carol whispered, "But as a parent you try your best and hope you come close. I am not making excuses for your parents walking out on you, honey..." Carol stared at the lake becoming silent as if traveling deep within herself for words she could not quite will to the surface just yet.

Alex ate her breakfast and refilled their coffee and as she sat back down next to Carol, the older woman spoke, "Casey asked me to talk to you this morning. She told me that she told you her father and sister drowned in a car accident, but never really gave you the bigger details. She wants you to know the bigger details, but needs help. So, I am going to help her okay?"

Alex knew as much as she'd prefer Casey tell her, that this was how Casey needed it to happen and nodded yes. Seeing the acknowledgement Carol began, "When Casey was fourteen, we lived in a small town in west New York. We'd moved there after we got married, had Casey and Sophia there...it was just the four of us there and we loved it. That year, my mother died and left me her house in the city and Liam was laid off from the company where he was working. It devastated him, but I was a home healthcare nurse and I knew if we moved back to the city I could work at a hospital and make more money. So, I applied to a couple of hospitals. It would be better for all of us to move back and Liam was excited because he'd have better employment opportunities, and the girls were so smart...they could go to better schools."

Carol paused as her voice cracked at the memory and Alex clutched her hand. Drawing some strength from the blonde, Carol continued, "Liam, he suffered from Schizophrenia, but he had been properly medicated for years before we had the girls. He was stable and a great dad. He coached Casey's softball team and always helped manage the stage lights and sets for Sophia's dance recitals. He loved us. He wasn't violent. He was a great man. So, I didn't fear leaving the girls with him when I got a couple of interviews and had to go to the city for a few days. I wasn't a long drive away. The morning before I was to come home, Liam called me in a panic...he'd knocked his pills in the toilet by accident. He called the pharmacy to refill them, but they said it would be a couple of days before they could get his pills in. I told him not to worry, he'd taken them so religiously that it shouldn't be a problem, I could pick the pills up in the city and bring them home the next night. He said he'd be okay. We had a system in place. If something got bad he'd go to the hospital. When I called the next morning he didn't answer, I didn't worry, he was probably taking the girls to school. Although, when I got out of the interview and called before heading home and he didn't answer I began to panic, I drove so fast home and I was met by the police. He'd lost it that morning driving the girls to school. According to Casey, he thought bad people were following them. She kept trying to reason with him, but couldn't. He began to speed out of control and when he came to a bridge he drove off telling the girls they could lose the people in the water. Casey begged him to stop, but he wouldn't...he took our children off that bridge with him. They all were knocked unconscious on impact, but Casey somehow woke up, before going under the water. Another driver saw the car sinking below the water and jumped into help. When they got to the car, Casey was underwater trying to free Sophia. Sophia was already gone, and the other driver had to pull Casey away to save her. Casey blamed herself for not being able to save her sister, for not being able to help her father understand. It's why she feels so intent in helping others at all costs. It's made Casey the brilliant woman she is today, and luckily she can remember her father for who he truly was not his sickness."

"Why didn't she tell me?" Alex asked in a soft whisper.

"Because it kills her to remember that day. It's a black smudge in fourteen years of happy memories. It's the day she lost the most in this world, her eleven year old sister and best friend and her father, and almost died herself. It changed her, but she loves you and needed you to know." Carol answered.

They both sat in silence for a few minutes before Alex asked, "Why did his meds fail so fast?"

"He evidently hadn't been taking them as prescribed. At least that's what the medical examiner said. He told me the levels in his blood were almost nonexistent. I think he did knock his pills in the toilet, and he was desperate because he probably knew he needed them. I don't know what he was thinking. I wish I could ask but I can't." Carol replied softly.

Suddenly Alex stood and walked off the porch, causing Carol to call out, "Where are you going?"

"To find the woman I love, she needs me." Alex said starting a slow jog off around the lake.

As she traveled around the trail, she processed all of Carol's words, and Casey's reactions. She needed the right words when she found the redhead. She needed to say the words that would ease whatever fears caused Casey to not tell her in the first place. When she finally spotted Casey sitting at the edge of the lake, Alex slowed to a walk.

Seeing Casey look up and smile weakly, Alex smiled a genuine smile. "I love you, Casey."

"I love you too. I'm sorry," Casey answered softly.

Sitting next to the redhead, Alex pulled Casey close and kissed her lips, "You have nothing to be sorry for at all. I love you more than I did before."

"Yeah?"

"Absolutely, always and forever." Alex whispered into her ear.

The sat there watching the water for a while before heading home. As they reached the cabin, Carol met them with a big smile. "I am going shopping and to pick up some groceries. You two get cleaned up and relax. You can cook dinner again tonight!"

"Thank you, Mom," Casey replied hugging Carol tight. She knew just how deep that thank you went and it felt amazing to know that her daughter was okay in the end.

After a soak in the tub together, both women fell into bed for a long nap. Waking before Casey, Alex snuck out into the kitchen and fetched two cups of coffee. Walking back into the bedroom, she was greeted by grinning Casey. "Did you really just walk out there naked and make coffee?"

"I did," Alex replied passing Casey a cup and climbing back into bed.

"You are brave, my dear."

"Not really, I didn't see the car outside and figured I'd hear your mom pull up in enough time to clothe myself."

Casey frowned, "Fine, not brave, just smart." Both women laughed before curling into one another. "Can I tell you a secret?"

"Yes!" Alex squealed.

"I love you!" Casey whispered loudly.

""Aw, that's not a secret, a secret would be that I want three kids." Alex spouted followed by laughter. Casey loved Alex's laugh, it was always full of love.

"You do?"

"Yes, is that a problem?"

"No, it's perfect." Casey answered with a little chuckle and a sweet smile, "I'd like to slow it down though when we have them."

"Yeah? I'd like to maybe step away from working as a prosecutor and teach at Harvard or something." Alex said with a bright smile.

"Whoa, big change. Okay, maybe I could be a prosecutor there and take on Annalise." Casey replied wiggling her eyebrows at the idea.

"I love that plan." Alex laughed hard, "Annalise would sweep the floor with you!"

Casey laughed, "No she wouldn't! My conviction rate is awesome."

"Whatever you say, baby," Alex said with a goofy grin, "In seriousness, I'd like a house on a lake, with a big yard and tire swing."

"Me too," Casey agreed before kissing Alex and adding, "I'd like to take a vacation yearly. Just you and I so we always have time to just focus on being in love."

"Me too," Alex replied before setting Casey and her coffees down on the night stand and pushing Casey back against the pillows in a sensual kiss. Pressing herself against the redhead, they both gasped quietly. "I want you, Casey."

"You have me always," Casey replied before flipping Alex over and kissing down her body. It wasn't long before each was enjoying the other and they were both fighting to continue to bring the other over the edge. Alex's orgasm helped to push Casey over the edge, and they both laid in a panting tangled mess of limbs.

* * *

Later that evening, Alex and Casey laughed and danced together while cooking dinner in the kitchen. All Carol could to was watch and admire how truly in love they were. There was no denying that they were happy and meant to be together.

She'd learned a lot over the week living with them. Alex seemed to balance Casey's drive for success by telling Casey when to pull back and slow down, and Casey seemed to draw an enormous amount of strength from that. Then on the flip side, when Alex seemed ready to explode from frustration reassuring words from Casey could put the blonde at ease. Alex seemed to relax whenever Casey was near. They each seemed to know when the other needed them and was ready to help.

Carol smiled at the two women who trying the dinner and working together to add spices to better the meal. She wanted her daughter happy and Alex made her very happy. She couldn't wait to call Alex a member of the family and to one day have grandchildren.

* * *

 **Present Day...**

Hearing the door open behind her, Carol smiled seeing Alex. "Now here comes your beautiful wife, and my future grandchild."

"How is she?" Alex asked.

"I think she's doing better, hopefully, the tube can come out soon. I think her color looks better, that has to be a good sign right?" Carol questioned as she stood.

"I think so." Alex replied as she took the seat. "What were you telling her?"

"I was telling her about the first time you two brought me up here...how in love you all were." Carol smiled.

"Perfect," Alex beamed as Carol left. "I think I should help you to remember the night you proposed. You do remember that, right Case?"


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N: I hope this comes across right. If you've never heard the song 'God Only Knows' by The Beach Boys, I recommend listening to it first. Thank you for all the reviews and support. They help me.**

* * *

 **And tonight I lack the strength to even move. When you walked, now watch me die, But I know this is harder for you. For love has let you down and come on,**

 **And no, you're not alone.**

 **And the road ahead is lined with broken dreams**

 **So walk, yeah, walk on by. And I failed to give you everything you need, For the fear's behind your eyes.**

 **Alright by Pilot Speed**

"I will never forget the way you proposed, Casey." Alex said holding Casey's hand in one of hers while her other hand lay on her belly. "You surprised me. God, I hope you still remember it..."

* * *

 **Five years earlier...**

Walking into Arthur Branch's house for the New Years Eve party Alex gasped. The place was decked out to the hilt. There were lights strung across the ceiling of the great room and a band at one corner playing, with twinkling star lights dangling over the dance floor. The whole place looked magical. "Wow, he went all out this year..."

"You aren't kidding," Amanda breathed with wide eyes, "Thank you all for having us come with you. This looks like the best place to be in the city tonight.

"No problem," Casey laughed as she pushed her detective friends in through the door and took her place next to Alex.

"Hey, El, last I checked you owed us the first drinks!" Liv called out as she pulled Amanda close. "So go hop in that line over there!" Liv said with a laugh pointing to the bar line.

"I'll go with you," Finn said patting Elliot's shoulder as he kissed his wife, Kathy's cheek and asked if she'd like her usual white wine.

The whole SVU squad had joined them this year. Branch had extended invitations to the detectives of SVU squad this year as a thank you for providing the DA's office with the highest conviction rate in the country. This was thanks to Casey and the squad working endless hours together to ensure rock solid cases, something Arthur Branch was very pleased with in the redhead.

Casey quickly pulled Munch to the side, whispering in his ear, "Make sure we all stick to the plan, 11:45."

"Yes ma'am," the older man said as he followed Elliot and Finn to the bar.

Soon, Alex and Casey along with Kathy, Olivia and Amanda were sitting at a table laughing at a ridiculous story about Abbie's Texan New Year traditions. Serena was beaming at the brunette and Kim was slow dancing with Owen, it made Alex happy to see her friends as in love as she and Casey were. Turning to the redhead, she whispered in Casey's ear, "Remember our first kiss was here?"

Casey smiled bright, whispering back, "Did you think I'd ever forget? I want to kiss you there again tonight!"

"Deal, we can head up at 11:55. Take some champagne and just kiss our way into the New Year..."

"Then, I want to take you home and properly enjoy the New Year." Casey said in a laughing whisper before Alex swatted her leg.

The couple danced, ate, and drank their way through the night with laughter and smiles. Everyone noticed how cute Amanda and Liv were together, dancing the whole night away and how much Elliot loved Kathy and how clearly comfortable they were together. No one missed Finn hitting on new ADA only to get turned down, or how engrossed Cragen and Liz Donnelly had managed to be all night, nor how Munch seemed animated in a debated with Lena Petrovsky.

Everyone was fast enjoying themselves and by 11:30 Casey kissed Alex's cheek as she sat down to rest. "Babe, I am going to go grab us some water and champagne. I will be back to get you to go to the balcony in a minute."

Alex had nodded in agreement as she cursed her heels. They'd looked so good in the mirror at home that she didn't consider how badly her feet would hurt by the end of the night. After carrying on conversation with Kathy and Amanda for a little to long, Alex looked at her watch. It was 11:45 and still no Casey. "Where is everyone?" Alex mumbled.

"Oh, probably still at the bar," Amanda quickly offered.

"I think I am going to go look for Casey. We have plans for midnight." Alex said quickly standing only to have Amanda grab her hand and drag her in the opposite direction.

"I just saw her over here, Alex, follow me," Amanda yelled as she drug Alex through the crowd. Before Alex really knew what was happening Amanda had led her through the crowd in zig-zags only infuriating the taller blonde.

Finally Amanda stopped in the center of the dance floor and looked at Alex. "Alex, I think I lost her."

"You think!" Alex yelled. "It's 11:55! We are suppose to be going to the balcony now! How am I going to find her nonetheless make it there in time." As she spoke her eyes darted across the crowd not spotting Casey. Giving up she looked back to where Amanda was supposed to be only to find herself alone as the lights dimmed and the stage lit up.

Hearing the band start up with she and Casey's song, 'God Only Knows,' Alex frantically searched the crowd for Casey. If they couldn't make it to the balcony in time, at least they could ring in the New Years dancing to their song. However, as the lyrics began her head snapped in the direction of the stage as she heard Casey sing, "I may not always love you,

but long as there are stars above you..."

As the words left Casey's mouth the star lights over the dance floor illuminated over Alex and a path cleared before the blonde as Casey continued. "You never need to doubt it,

I'll make you so sure about it. God only knows what I'd be without you..."

Alex noticed the rest of the squad and Amanda were all on stage accompanying Casey. Everyone seemed to have a part, but all Alex could focus on was her beautiful girlfriend serenading her with their song.

"If you should ever leave me," Casey sang as she began to make her way down from the side of the stage and towards the dance floor. A spot light followed her as she continued, "Though life would still go on believe me, the world could show nothing to me, so what good would living do me? God only knows what I'd be without you..."

As she reached the dance floor and the band played the orchestral part, Liz Donnelly stepped into Casey's path. The redhead stepped to one side and Liz did the same, causing Casey to grab the older blonde into her arms and spin her around into Captain Cragen's arms receiving a loud cheer from the crowd.

"God only knows what I'd be without you," Casey continued with Liv and Amanda back up singing along with Munch, Finn, and Elliot.

Walking towards Alex slowly, Casey sang, "If you should ever leave me," taking Alex into her arms and dancing around the now clear dance floor, Casey continued, "Well life would still go on believe me, the world could show nothing to me, so what good would living do me? God only knows what I'd be without you..."

As they continued to dance and spin their way from the dance floor to the stairs to the upstairs balcony, the squad continued to sing the refrain, "God only knows what I'd be without you, god only knows..." Till the couple was out of sight and ear shot.

Stepping outside, Alex saw the champagne that she and Casey had planned on along with more star lights. "You planned all of this tonight?" Alex whispered.

"Yes," Casey answered as Alex looked back towards the redhead to see her holding an open ring box with the most unique diamond ring inside.

"Casey," Alex whispered.

"I will always love you, Alexandra. I want nothing more in this world than to be with you. Marry me, Alex, marry me and make me the happiest woman in this world. I love you more than anything and I promise to always make you happy. I promise to put you before everything else and to do nothing but love and respect you..." Casey said softly.

Alex could feel tears slip from her eyes as she nodded and squealed, "Yes!" As Casey pulled the ring from the box and kissed Alex as the clock struck twelve, the crowd below cheered loudly announcing the New Years and engagement...

* * *

 **Present day...**

"I love you, Casey, more than I did that day." Alex said softly. "I will love you till my dying day, Casey."

Alex took a deep breath as she felt like her heart was being ripped in two. Feeling tears spring from her eyes, she cried, "I am so sorry I was so stupid. I never should have left you in the airport that day. I was so mad at you and it was the stupidest thing I have ever done. I am sorry. I am so sorry, Casey. Please wake up so I can fix this, please." Laying her head on the bedside, with Casey's fingers touching her cheek, she fell asleep crying.

When Olivia arrived to the room, she just pulled another chair in as to not wake the blonde. Looking the redhead over, she shook her head. It reminded her of the time Casey was attacked at work. The memories were not pleasant ones.

Shaking the memories from her head, she swallowed hard, "Casey, why is it you always manage to find yourself in the worst situations?"

Regrouping she restarted, "Amanda came up with me. On the way, we couldn't help but talk about your wedding. It was so beautiful and you and Al were so happy then..."


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N: Wedding bells...I know you are all anxious to find out what happened, we are getting there, please be patient. It will be worth your wait! Promise. )**

* * *

 **All that I am, All that I ever was, Is here in your perfect eyes, They're all I can see.**

 **I don't know where, Confused about how as well, Just know that these things, Will never change for us at all.**

 **If I lay here, If I just lay here, Would you lie with me, And just forget the world?**

 **Chasing Cars by Snow Patrol**

Olivia watched as Alex slept next to Casey. The blonde had done the same thing when Casey had been attacked. The only difference being that time she'd been curled into the bed holding a crying Casey tight. This time there was no reassurance that Casey would really be okay. Annalise had called to inform them all of the shooting and Casey's status. Then Carol had called them the day before to tell them the doctors were finally hopeful that the breathing tube may be able to come out soon and they could possibly wake Casey. She just hoped for Alex's case that was the truth.

Both Casey and Alex were at fault for the current state of their relationship, but Olivia knew how much Alex leaving had destroyed Casey. The redhead had spiraled way out of control after Alex left and then after the hearing with the bar she'd just disappeared. Olivia and Elliot had honestly wondered if she'd ever come back. Then she got the call.

Thinking back to the wedding, her heart ached for the couple. She didn't know what she'd do if she and Amanda were ever in such a place. It was because of Alex and Casey's wedding that she'd proposed to Amanda in the first place.

Smiling at the memory, Liv softly spoke, "You and Alex were so ridiculously in love. Oh, my god, and the rain! It was so awful. Alex was devastated and you just swooped in like some knight in shining armor and fixed everything. You are her voice of reason...you always have been, Casey..."

* * *

 **Four years earlier...**

The rain fell in sheets all over the beach in front of the house. Casey stood wide eyed in disbelief. Where did this storm come from and why did it decide to come on her wedding day? If the rain wasn't bad enough, Alex's only form of family, Annalise and Eve, had gotten held up in Cambridge by the largest winter storm of the year which was upsetting enough for the blonde. Knowing Alex would be devastated at the storm, Casey flicked on the weather report only to feel her stomach twist at the sight of the radar. Nothing but rain for the next two days.

Slipping on her flip flops and blue rain jacket, Casey yelled, "Mom! Abbie! I will be right back!" and ran out into the rain. The pounding water over her jacket hood made it impossible to hear anything as she made her way between the sea-grapes across the shell and sand filled path to the next house. She was suddenly happy she'd worn her jean capris that morning and her black tee-shirt. Walking up the porch steps she was quickly greeted by Kim and Owen on the screened porch.

Their nervous look told her all she needed to know. "Where is she?"

"She's inside and a mess obviously," Kim started quickly bolting in front of the French door as Casey stepped forward.

"What are you doing, Kim? Move!" Casey demanded.

Kim's eyes went wide, "You can't! It's bad luck to see the bride on the wedding day." The brunette challenged knowing she'd be quickly defeated.

"With all do respect, it's raining so that brings good luck, so who cares. They cancel each other out. Now move!" Casey challenged.

"I am sorry Casey, I can't." Kim began only to be cut off as Casey screamed, "Get. Out. Of. My. Way!"

Kim quickly ran to Owen, as Casey barged into the house and found a sobbing Alex in her wedding dress crying on the sofa with Olivia, and Serena on either side of her. Casey stood still for a moment as she hashed out a plan quickly in her head. Looking from Alex to the beach and to Alex again, Casey quickly moved to kneel before Alex.

"Alex, baby, don't cry." Casey said moving the blondes hands from her eyes. Wiping Alex's tears away, Casey spoke, "Don't cry, everything will be okay."

"How? We are supposed to get married on the beach later today and it's going to rain nonstop for two days!" Alex shrieked.

Placing her hands on either side of Alex's face, Casey locked eyes with the blondes, "Alex, go upstairs and change into something that you won't need the rest of today. Then come back downstairs. I will work everything out. Take your time baby. Everything will be fine I promise."

Alex nodded and headed to the stairs, before turning and yelling, "Casey! You saw me in my wedding dress!"

"It is going to be okay, Alexandra. Trust me, plus I haven't even looked it over. Go baby, now!" Casey assured pulling out her cellphone and quickly making a handful of calls. Once finished she sent Kim up to Alex's room with instructions for Olivia while she ran back to her house. Within forty minutes everything was arranged and Casey stood next to Abbie, and Elliot on the screen porch waiting for Alex.

Seeing Alex approach the French doors in a grey long sleeve tee shirt, Capri jeans and flip flops, with a purple fleece in hand and her hair pulled back into a ponytail Casey smiled wide. Alexandra Cabot had never looked so beautiful to her. As the blonde stepped out, Casey took Alex's hands and asked, "So, are you ready to get married?"

"What?" Alex asked.

"It's our wedding day, Alexandra, and you want to get married on the beach. Rain brings good luck to a marriage, so in efforts to please all, I have arranged for you and I right now to get married mid rain storm on the beach, and later for our planned time we can get married in the chapel up the road. My mom and the gang are busy setting it all up. So, if you want to still get married on the beach I am here and Father Gabriel is already waiting on the beach for us." Casey explained.

Alex looked out to the beach and saw Father Gabriel standing out there with a white umbrella waiting for them. Looking to Casey, Alex pulled her close and kissed her softly, "I love you, Casey Novak. Yes, I will let you make my dream come true."

The four of them walked out to the beach, Casey leading Alex out while the rain covered them both as they laughed. The sand had turned hard from the water pelting against it and as Alex held Casey's hands and listened to the priests words about the true meaning of marriage and love she knew she'd truly found all of those aspects in Casey. The redhead loved her more than anything and she could never dream of being with another person.

As it came time for Alex's vows, she smiled, "Casey, I love you in a way I have never loved another human being. You are amazing and truly beautiful inside and out. From the moment I first saw you standing in the doorway, I knew there was something magical about you. You have always held my heart close and my soul is yours as much as it is mine. Thank you for loving me and cherishing me. I promise to love you now and forever. To protect our love and never let it die. You are my one true love, Casey."

Casey smiled, before laughing lightly, "I am winning thanks to the rain, you can't tell I am crying! My dearest Alexandra, I will love you forever because my soul is yours. I never want to be without you, because my heart and soul belong with you. Before you I thought I knew what love was, but with you I truly know what it is...I want to hold you every night and when you are sad I want to make you laugh. I want to make you soup when you are sick and I want to bring you a blanket when you are cold. You just have to look at me Alex to see how much I love you, the smile I get when I am near you is always present. Thank you for being mine and for wanting me to be yours. I promise to love you now and forever. To protect our love and never let it die. You are my one true love, Alexandra."

Exchanging their rings, Casey could barely wait to get the ring all the way onto Alex's finger before pulling her into a kiss. Kissing her wife in the pouring rain on the beach, on their wedding day was the most amazing moment ever. The water, the salt, and Alex made everything worth living for...breaking apart, Casey whispered against Alex's lips, "I love you."

Alex smiled, "I love you too. Kiss me again." Pulling Casey, the rest of the way in she enjoyed the feel of Casey's warm lips against hers.

Somehow, the couple made their way back to Alex's beach house and found themselves in Alex's room alone. Peeling the soaked clothes from one another, it didn't take long for Casey to have her warm mouth trailing kisses down Alex's neck as her hands pulled the blonde flush against her body at her lower back. Panting in expectation, Alex whispered, "Casey, should we wait till tonight?"

"Do you want to wait?" Casey asked as she lightly dragged her teeth across Alex's collarbone causing the blonde to whimper.

"No, but we need to start getting ready for tonight." Alex managed to say despite how hot she was growing.

Pressing her lips against Alex's in a passionate kiss before pulling away, Casey offered as she lightly trailed her finger tips of one hand up Alex's side, "We could always moved to the shower if you like...then we are working on getting ready..."

Alex grinned and led Casey to the shower. Quickly turning on the water, she pressed Casey against the glass of the shower wall as she let her hands travel Casey's body making sure not to touch anywhere pleasurable just yet, but still earning her own gasps of delight from the redhead. As the room became adequately steamed up, Casey took control and led Alex into the shower.

As soon as the warm water sprayed over their overly sensitive bodies they both let out little moans which seemed to ignite the fire, Casey quickly pressed Alex against the marble wall kissing her way down to take a hard nipple into her warm mouth sucking it before flicking her tongue over it causing the blonde to moan as she lifted one of Alex's legs up to perch on the built in bench beside them. Slowly, she moved her hand, dragging her finger nails lightly along the way, up Alex's long leg till she was at the blondes hot center.

Lightly running her fingers through Alex's center, Casey gasped discovering just how wet Alex was for her. "Fuck, Alexandra."

"I know, please," Alex panted before Casey silenced her pressing her lips against the blondes as she slid two fingers in deep. Moving slowly out just enough to make Alex gasp against her lips, Casey slid them back in. Finding that spot that caused Alex to roll her hips Casey worked her fingers just how Alex liked before moving her other fingers to the blondes clit rolling them in circles just the way she liked.

Alex couldn't help but pant Casey's name followed by yes as the redhead brought her to the edge of ecstasy and sent her crashing over. She came hard, unable to control her moans of pleasure as she clamped down hard around Casey. Regaining some control as Casey held her up, Alex laughed into the redheads neck. "I love you."

"I love you too," Casey breathed in a huskier tone than normal. Alex grinned knowing just what the redhead needed. Flipping them around, she placed one of Casey's legs on the bench this time as she knelt between the redheads legs. Seeing her wife's breath hitch as her eyes darkened in want, Alex grinned before running her warm tongue over the redheads aching clit.

"Oh fuck yes, Alex." Casey cried out as she shook against the blondes touch. Alex wrapped her hands around Casey's thighs as she flicked her tongue over the throbbing bud, when she knew Casey couldn't wait any longer she sucked it into her mouth flicking her tongue fast causing the redhead to grasp her head as she cried out in pleasure as her orgasm tore through her.

Coming down from her high, Casey could only gasp for air. Standing Alex sat back on the bench, pulling Casey to her and having her straddle her legs. Just as Casey wrapped her arms around Alex's neck and pulled her into a kiss, the blonde slid two fingers in deep and began to move them just the way Casey loved. It took mere minutes for Casey to be rolling her hips against Alex's fingers begging the blonde to let her come again. Knowing just what Casey needed Alex pressed her thumb against Casey's swollen sensitive clit. Casey couldn't control herself. She came hard against Alex's fingers, moaning the blondes name loudly.

With her arms still wrapped tight around the blondes neck, Casey panted, "Wow."

"I know," Alex said with a light laugh.

Casey slowly slipped from Alex's lap to the shower floor causing Alex to raise an eyebrow. "What are you doing Casey?"

"Come here," Casey said as she laid back on the part of the floor the shower spray didn't hit.

Alex eyes went wide in recognition as she moved to straddle the redheads mouth. Watching Casey's tongue flick in random patterns over her clit, Alex pressed her hands against the glass for support. She loved this position and so did Casey. Alex knew the redhead was pleasing herself too from her erratic use of her tongue. Feeling herself again dancing on the edge of pleasure, Alex begged, "Please Casey." The redhead quickly grabbed the back of Alex's thighs and pushed herself up enough to lightly suck Alex's clit effectively sending the blonde over the edge. She came so hard she couldn't move and instead stayed in place as Casey lazily flicked her tongue lightly against her wetness as she finished herself off with frantic fast circles against her clit. Watching her wife make herself come like that was amazing.

Helping each other up, they held one another tight in the warm spray. Whispering, "I love you's," they showered and wrapped up in robes before laying down snuggled up in each other's arms. Falling asleep neither worried about anything. They knew their friends would get them both if it got to late.

* * *

Later that evening, standing in the beautiful old chapel adorned with orchid flower arrangements and candles, Casey couldn't help but gasp at the sight of Alex entering the chapel in her beautiful wedding dress. Even though Casey had seen her earlier that day in it she hadn't focused on it. Alexandra Cabot was simply stunning.

The dress was a strapless beaded lace and satin slim A-line dress, with a satin band neckline. Her hair was down and curled, with just a few locks pulled back and pinned by her satin trimmed veil. She looked stunning standing there with bouquet of orchids. All Casey could do was smile at her wife. Alex looked like the most beautiful bride in the world, but Casey would have said the exact same thing this morning on the rainy beach.

No matter what would come their way they would battle it together, and Casey would do anything to keep Alex safe and happy. All she needed in life was Alex, and today they became one. Today they pledged their love and promised to make it last forever. Without a doubt, this was the best day of Casey's life.

Alex looked down the aisle at her wife. Casey looked beautiful with her red hair down and slightly curled. Her off white satin pants and blouse topped with her embroidered jacket. Her wife looked gorgeous, stunning even. As she made her way down the aisle, Alex knew nothing mattered more than this moment. Everything that mattered most was right her in front of her, the love of her life, Casey Novak.

As the second wedding of the day commenced for their friends and guests, the couple pledged and vowed their love again. Exchanging the rings again with a smile and joke from Father Gabriel as he explained the earlier rainy beach wedding, both women knew they'd be happy together forever, and this time, as Casey and Alex pulled each other close for a kiss they both smiled knowing they would never love another. This was their happily ever after.

The reception went off without a hitch. Everyone seemed to enjoy the food and dancing, and love seemed to be in the air. Elliot and Kathy seemed happy just snuggled up at a table with Finn and Munch, while Kim and Owen danced the night away commenting on their own upcoming wedding plans. Serena and Abbie were having a contest building towers out of beer cans which Casey and Alex had to pose for pictures with, causing a giant round of laughter from the entire party as Alex accidentally knocked Serena's causing the blonde to scream a loud, "No!"

As it came time to toss the bouquet and garter, everyone circled up. Olivia locked eyes with Alex giving the blonde a wink, before Alex tossed her bouquet over her head seemingly right into Amanda's hands. The party cheered for the blonde as she clutched the bouquet in her hand waving it over head before she felt something cold against the back of her fingers. Pulling it down to investigate her mouth dropped open as she looked up at the approaching Olivia.

"Liv?" Amanda questioned.

"Will you?"

"Yes!" Amanda exclaimed pulling Olivia in for a kiss.

Alex pulled Casey tight in her arms watching their friends. Life couldn't be any better than it was right now. The couple just prayed their happiness would last forever.

* * *

 **Present day...**

"If you and Alex can't make it Casey, how are any of us?" Olivia questioned. "All of us came together because of you two...well maybe not Owen and Kim, but Amanda and I did, and Serena and Abbie wouldn't have ever survived that one argument without you two to talk sense into them."

Watching her motionless friend, Olivia sighed helplessly, "You both royally fucked up. I just hope you two can be adult enough to put this back together. You two aren't whole without one another."

As Olivia laid her head against the wall, she heard Alex speak, "It all started with buying that house you know..."


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N: Here comes the rain...Borrowing Andrea from the Walking Dead as well. PS - Father Gabriel in the last chapter was borrowed too! What can I say? )**

* * *

 **I'll use you as a warning sign,**

 **That if you talk enough sense then you'll lose your mind.**

 **I'll use you as a focal point,**

 **So I don't lose sight of what I want.**

 **I've moved further than I thought I could,**

 **But I miss you more than I thought I would.**

 **I'll use you as a warning sign,**

 **That if you talk enough sense then you'll lose your mind.**

 **I Found by Amber Run**

Olivia watched as Alex sat up and brushed Casey's hair with her fingers. The blonde was clearly hurting and it concerned Olivia for the sake of the baby. "Alex, are you sure it's okay for you to be here so much?"

Alex nodded, "Yeah, I checked with my doctor. I promise I am not pushing myself to hard. Honestly, I am worse when I am not around her."

"Alex," Liv said as she leaned forward, "You know you are not to blame for this..."

"Yes, I am. I pushed her away. I filed for divorce and she was mailing the papers back to me." Alex said in a soft voice as she sat back and clutched Casey's hand, "I swear I've been thinking if we hadn't bought that house that we would have been fine. We'd be in the city laughing over dinner."

"Why is it the house?" Olivia asked, "I don't understand?"

"Our lease was close to being up, and I suggested that we look for a house." Alex started in a whisper. "Casey was all for renewing it, but I wanted a space to call ours. So, we started looking."

Alex sat holding Casey's hand tight thinking back to that time. A time when they were still in love and life still seemed hopeful. A time when their future didn't seem so bleak.

"I was impatient..."

* * *

Two and a half years earlier...

Laying on the sofa with her wife snuggled into her side, Alex flipped through house magazines while Casey watched 'House.' "Hey, Case, why don't we just buy a house?" Alex offered as a commercial began.

Sitting up straight, Casey looked at Alex, "Here?"

"Yeah, for what we pay a month in rent here we could be paying on a townhouse." Alex replied with a smile.

"So, are you over the Cambridge idea?" Casey questioned as she stood and walked into the kitchen to get a bottle of water.

"Grab me one too please, babe," Alex asked before continuing, "I am not over it, I'd just rather invest our money smarter. Also, wouldn't you like to have a place to do as we please?"

Casey laughed as she walked back over and passed Alex the bottle. "Baby, you don't have to sell me on anything. If you want us to move and buy a house here I am game. I just want to know your reasoning for wanting to is all."

Alex sat think about her real motivation, taking a breath she sighed, "I hate my job."

"You hate Appeals, yes my love, I picked that up four months ago." Casey replied pulling Alex into her arms. "Spill it."

"I hate it. I hate it and I need a project. We can keep our plans of moving to Cambridge in five years, but right now I need a project. So can we buy a house that I can fix up on my down time." Alex sighed.

Casey kissed her wife's head, "Absolutely, baby, whatever you need."

* * *

Over the next few weeks, Alex and Casey looked at numerous properties. Nothing fit them and Alex was becoming more and more frustrated. Finally, one morning their realtor called with a small townhouse for sale in upper Manhattan.

The couple got ready and took a cab to the corner property. Stepping out onto the sidewalk, Casey gasped, "Geez, Alex this is nice."

"You can say that again." Alex replied as they walked forward and undid the small gate before walking up to the front entrance. As they reached the front door their realtor Andrea greeted them.

"I think you all are going to love this place!" The blonde beamed, "Come on in!"

Alex smiled her wary smile, "How much is this place?"

"It's in your price range. It actually isn't listed just yet. My friend's great aunt owned it and well she passed recently and left it to her. I told her I had the perfect perspective couple." Andrea said with her sea foam eyes sparkling.

"How many rooms?" Casey asked.

"It technically has four bedrooms and three and a half baths, but the half bath is here on the main floor, then each real bedroom has its own bath, but the technical fourth bedroom is small and connects to the master bedroom and hallway. I'd use it as an office honestly." Andrea explained to the shocked couple.

"Andrea, we have no need for so much room." Alex sighed.

The blonde clasped her hands together as she stressed, "I know it's big and not exactly where you planned on being, but seriously walk through and look it over! This house is amazing."

Walking through the main floor, Casey and Alex fell in love with the large staircase, and the large living space with built in bookcases that opened to the kitchen. The kitchen was large and had room for a small table on one side and over looked the back garden that housed a garage. Going upstairs, they loved the size of the master bedroom and small room next to it would make a perfect office. The two upstairs rooms could serve as guest rooms, but otherwise seemed pointless to the couple.

Andrea could see that the couple was torn about how they felt about the property. "I need to make some quick calls, so I am going to run outside really quick. I will be right back though."

"Okay, thank you." Casey replied watching the blonde disappear from sight. "So, tell me what you are thinking."

Alex bit her lip looking at her wife, "It needs work, but not a lot. It would be perfect, but it's really big and we don't need so much space."

"Do we not?" Casey said with a smile.

"What are you saying?" Alex asked confused.

"You like your job, but are bored. You have too much time on your hands...so, why don't we go ahead and have a baby?" Casey proposed as she held Alex's hands.

"What about Cambridge?" Alex said in a soft voice.

"I am comfortable in SVU, but no where near ready to move job wise. I still need a few more years before we take a jump and move, but that doesn't mean I don't want to start a family with you yet." Casey explained pulling Alex into her arms.

Alex stared into Casey's bright green eyes as if trying to read her mind. "You really want to have a baby?"

"Yeah, honey," Casey said with a smile. She'd been thinking about it every since Alex had mentioned she needed something else in life. "You are in a great position and by the time our baby was two we could move if we still wanted too, or who knows, we might decide we are happy here. I don't know exactly, I just know this is the first place you said was perfect and even if we never used these rooms I'd happily buy it."

"Casey, are you really ready career wise to have a baby?" Alex questioned.

"Alex, no one is ever fully ready to have a baby. I know what you are asking though, and to be honest, I am no where near the end of my dreams of success at the district attorney's office, but you and our potential family come first. What I am trying to say is I know we want kids and if you are ready, I am ready." Casey explained with a warm smile as her hands wrapped around Alex's waist.

"I am ready, if you are ready." Alex said with a warm smile before kissing her beautiful wife.

Hearing Andrea reenter the house the couple headed downstairs. Smiling wide as they reached the main floor they exclaimed, "We will take it!"

* * *

 **Present day...**

Alex looked at Olivia as she held her hand against her belly. "We bought that house in the end because we decided to have a baby..."

"Alex, Casey wants to have a baby." Olivia sighed as the door to the room opened to reveal Amanda.

"How is she doing?" Amanda whispered as she looked over her friend that looked almost dead. If it hadn't been for the heart rate monitor she might have thought Casey was gone.

"She's doing better. The doctors think the tube might be able to come out tomorrow night at the latest." Alex answered, before returning to Liv, "I am not saying she didn't want to have kids. I am saying that our marriage began to fall apart in that house..."


	12. Chapter 12

**A/N: Thank you all for your support and reviews! You help make this process possible! By the way, I have been obsessed with Birdy's version of 'The District Sleeps Alone Tonight.' I recommend checking it out! By the way, I know 'Scandal' didn't exist in my timeline, but Olivia Pope always makes me feel better...well, and we all know I have a slight crush on Shonda Rhimes!**

* * *

 **The district sleeps alone tonight after the bars turn out their lights,**

 **And leave the autos swerving into the loneliest evening.**

 **And I am finally seeing, why I was the one worth leaving.**

 **Why I was the one worth leaving.**

 **Why I was the one worth leaving.**

 **Why I was the one worth leaving.**

 **The District Sleeps Alone Tonight by The Postal Service**

"I don't mean to sound dense, but I don't understand." Olivia replied as Amanda sat next to her.

"We moved there because we had decided to have a baby. So, after moving in we started looking for a donor. It was about six months after moving in that we did our first insemination." Alex said softly.

"I didn't know you all tried?" Amanda said with a confused look that was joined by Olivia.

"We were going to announce it if we got pregnant..." Alex whispered with her eyes locked on Casey. The memories were so clear in her head. She just wondered if Casey could remember them still...

* * *

 **Two years earlier...**

"Alex!" Casey called out into the house as she entered through the kitchen. She had some news and she wasn't sure how to deliver it. "Alex! I'm home baby!"

Getting no answer, she went upstairs to their room in search of her wife. As she entered the bedroom she found Alex sitting in a chair by the window. "Hey, there you are!" Casey said with a smile as she took off her coat and tossed it into the bed. "Did you hear me?"

"Yeah," Alex replied weakly.

"What's up, baby?" Casey asked as she kneeled before her wife.

"I started my period. We didn't get pregnant." Alex said clearly upset by the fact.

Casey stood and pulled Alex into her arms hugging her tight. "Alexandra, it's okay. The doctor said it could take multiple rounds to get pregnant."

"I know. I just really thought I was pregnant." Alex whispered into her wife's neck. Taking a deep breath she reveled in the fact that the mere scent of Casey's perfume mixed with her body wash could make her feel so safe and loved.

"I know you did, sweetheart. Why don't we go downstairs and open that nice big bottle of wine and order some Italian food from that place you love, and we can curl up on the couch and watch as much 'Scandal' as you want...how does that sound?" Casey offered with a weak smile.

"It sounds pretty good," Alex said as she let Casey lead her downstairs.

Walking into the kitchen, Casey placed the order and opened the wine while Alex sat at the island counter. Turning to the blonde, Casey said, "Well, I have some news..."

"You do?" Alex said propping herself up on her elbows.

"Branch called me to his office before I left today. It's why I was late getting home." Casey began hesitantly. "I got promoted to Executive Assistant District Attorney of Sex Crimes."

"You did?" Alex replied with the look of shock on her face.

"I did," Casey replied with a big smile handing Alex the glass of wine as she turned to gather dishes and silverware, "It might be a blessing we didn't get pregnant, I was actually really worried about how I'd handle a newborn and adjusting to the new case loads. I will be overseeing all the boroughs and handling all of Manhattan still." As she turned back to face the blonde she instantly knew she'd said the wrong thing, Alex looked ashen from her words. "Alex?"

"I can't believe you'd say that to me right now," Alex said standing and walking out of the kitchen.

Casey walked right after her and caught her at the base of the stairs, "Alexandra, you know I didn't mean anything hurtful by that."

"You just said you are happy we aren't pregnant, Casey. Which implies you don't want to have a baby now." Alex said loudly. The anger in her voice was very present.

Casey ran a hand over her forehead. "Jesus, Alex..."

"I'm right, aren't I?"

"Let's not talk about this right now. Let's just relax and I promise not to say anything else stupid, baby." Casey attempted to soothe.

"That's not an answer!" Alex yelled.

"Fine! You want an answer, no, I don't want to have a baby right this minute now. I did, but this is a huge promotion. I am going to be crazy busy for the next year, Alex. I don't want to miss the first six months if not year of our child's life. I want to be apart of it. So, I am not sorry for saying that I would like to wait a little bit longer!" Casey exclaimed.

Alex just shook her head and walked up the stairs. Casey sighed, "You don't get to prod me like that and just walk away, Alex."

Stopping and looking down at Casey, Alex shook her head and sighed, "I wish we hadn't bought this house Casey. We bought it to have kids in and now after the first attempt you are ready to stop because of work. You will always have work Casey. It's about making time." With that the blonde walked to their room and closed the door.

Sitting at the base of the stairs, Casey laid her head on her hands crying. It was the first time she'd lost her cool like that with Alex and she hated herself for it. She also regretted ever mentioning postponing getting pregnant, but the truth was she did want to be present for their child's life and she knew the next year and a half would be difficult on both of them. If they had a baby now she'd be crazy busy and Alex would be doing all of the work. That wasn't the kind of wife or mother she wanted to be, not now not ever.

Hearing the door buzz, Casey angrily wiped her tears away and opened it. Signing the bill, Casey took the food and set it in the kitchen before heading upstairs. Reaching their room, she found Alex lying on the bed facing the window. Slowly crawling onto the bed, Casey wrapped her arms right around Alex.

"I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have gotten upset with you. I shouldn't have just casually said what I said. I was just being an idiot. Let me explain babe." Casey said softly.

Alex rolled over into Casey's arms with her head resting on her chest. Feeling Alex nod, 'okay,' Casey began, "Alex, I can't pass this promotion up. You know it just as much as I do. If we have a baby now, it will be pretty much just you during the pregnancy and after the baby is born for possibly a year. I don't want that to be us. I want is to do it together. I want to run out at night for milkshakes and be able to get up at night for midnight feedings. I don't want it to be you doing all the heavy lifting all the time. I want to be just as involved."

"I understand," Alex said in a shaky voice.

"Listen, sweetheart," Casey said tilting Alex's face up to hers, "If we wait at least a year maybe a year and a half, I can easily move to Cambridge and live out our original plan, or we can stay here and have a baby. I just need time to settle into the new position."

Alex kissed Casey softly, "Okay, baby. We can wait a little longer."

* * *

 **One and a half years earlier...**

As the months passed, Casey spent more nights in the home office than in bed. It wasn't unusual for Alex to fall asleep to the television or lying on her side looking into the office at a busily working Casey. Many mornings Alex would wake up to find Casey asleep on the couch in the office or a note on the bed beside her saying she had to go in early to fix another ADAs case.

Alex found herself becoming increasingly frustrated as dinner dates were cancelled and vacations were overlooked. She knew the redhead wasn't doing any of it intentionally, it was just the stress of the job, but Alex was ready to have her wife back. Finally Alex cracked and had a serious conversation with her wife, who said she understood and would make more time for her.

That was why, this particular night was a harder pill to swallow. Alex had cooked them dinner and set the table, lit candles and made Casey's favorite dessert. She was ready for her wife to come home for their romantic date night in, however, once again Casey was late. As the minutes passed, Alex drank glass after glass of wine until she finally let the candles burn down and retreated to the bedroom with her laptop to get some work finished while watching some television.

Sitting in bed, she looked over her work she hated and resented so much. She'd actually put in a transfer back to SVU the month before, but had yet to hear back. She figured she'd get denied, but it was worth a shot to be near Casey more. Getting annoyed with her wandering mind, she started looking at the Harvard Law page, and slowly found herself applying for an open position there. As she finished, she logged off the laptop and fell asleep watching a lame reality television show.

When Casey arrived home, she dropped her stuff at her feet seeing the set table before her. Looking over the wasted food and burnt out candles, Casey felt tears spring to her eyes at the fact she'd let her wife down yet again. Sitting down to the table, she pulled out her cellphone and quickly called and rented the cabin upstate. She would make this up to Alex one way or another.

Heading upstairs, she found Alex asleep on the bed next to her laptop. Moving the laptop and cleaning up the wine glass, Casey undressed and climbed into bed next to her wife. Kissing Alex softly, she woke the blonde.

"Hey baby, I am sorry, but instead of wasting your time trying to explain, I want to tell you that I am really sorry for being so crappy lately, and to make up for it I booked us the cabin upstate for a long weekend to make it up to you. It will just be the two of us with lots of me showing you how sorry I am." Casey said softly.

"You have been crappy."

Casey nodded yes, "I have and I think I should grovel."

"You should," Alex replied softly.

Casey didn't say anything else, she just kissed her wife. As clothes were tossed to the floor and mouths began exploring missed territory, each realized just how much they'd missed the other...

* * *

 **Present day...**

"That was the official start of the ending." Alex said sadly. "That trip started out wonderful until Casey got called back a day early...it was hard to argue with her. I could tell how much she loved it, and her conviction rate was at an all time national high. At the rate she was going she'd be the District Attorney and she knew it even if she was to humble to say it. I was weighing her down, at least that's how I felt and I resented her for it. It poisoned us and our relationship..."

"It doesn't have to be that way Alex..." Amanda replied.

"Amanda's right," Olivia started only to be cut off by the doctor and Carol walking into the room.

"Ms. Cabot, I am here to look over your wife's progress once more and as long as everything checks out we can remove the tube and give her a little something to help her wake up." The doctor explained.

"Okay, Alex said weakly feelings her nerves tear through her.

"It will be okay," Carol offered as the doctor looked over Casey and then removed the tube. Casey made some scary choking sounds while the tube was coming out, but settled after. The doctor then administered some medicines into her IV bag.

As he left he said, "It shouldn't be too long now..."


	13. Chapter 13

**A/N: Here we go! The timeline is not exact with SVU, however, please remember I am borrowing plot points, not going exact. Thank you for the reviews, they keep me going.**

* * *

 **We broke up last Sunday night**

 **Keep on thinking 'bout the fight**

 **Rest my head against the wall**

 **Your bags are by the door**

 **Then your key turns in the lock**

 **You see me on the stairs and stop**

 **Have you had a change of heart?**

 **Can we go back to the start?**

 **But all the signs seem to say love is lost**

 **I don't wanna give up yet because...**

 **Maybe you could stay a bit longer**

 **I could try a bit harder**

 **We could make this work**

 **But maybe we should stop pretending**

 **We both know we're hurting**

 **Maybe it's time to go**

 **Maybe by Emeli Sande**

Casey could hear voices, faint and distant. She couldn't understand where they were coming from, she wasn't sure where she was, she couldn't focus. Her mind was a wandering traveler through the depths of her memories. Where she'd stop she wasn't sure...

* * *

 **Eight months earlier...**

Casey paced her office, she couldn't believe Merritt Rook was actually giving her a run for her money. The narcissist was winning over her jury and she was furious with it. The past two months had led to some of the worst losses for her career one of which Nancy Grace made her the laughing stock of the District Attorney's office.

Taking a deep breath to clear her mind, Casey thought of the one thing that always brought peace, Alex. Alex laughing, Alex smiling, Alex sleeping in her arms. Her wife was her strong hold, the one thing that brought her peace at her worst moments.

Casey began to pace smoothly again as she started her rock solid closing argument. While reciting her words, she noticed the wedding picture on her desk. She and Alex were on the rainy beach; all smiles, all happiness. That's what she was fighting for in this case, their happiness. That was what every case was to her. The happiness lost of every victim.

Hearing a knock at the door, Casey turned to see Liz Donnelly. "Hey Liz, what can I do for you?"

"I am coming by to ask why you and Alex didn't tell me you were moving?" Liz said casually as she walked in and closed the door.

"We aren't moving anywhere, what are you talking about?" Casey questioned.

"Casey, there is no reason to play coy with me. Did you two think Harvard wouldn't call to check references? I am honestly shocked that you'd be so daring to jump ships at this point in your career, I mean a few bad losses aren't a reason to run to Cambridge." Liz rambled.

"Liz, stop." Casey said firmly, "What are you talking about?"

Liz quirked an eyebrow not quite able to follow, "I just got a call to answer a reference for Alex for teaching prosecutorial law at Harvard Law. Are you telling me Alex didn't tell you she applied for a job there?"

"No, she didn't." Casey said as her eyes wandered back to the picture, "I have to go, Liz. I don't want to be late for court."

* * *

As Casey stood for the jury to give the verdict she held her breath. She knew what the jury was going to say, she knew she'd lost them when she lost her cool during her closing arguments. She could see it in their eyes.

She had been furious walking into the courtroom. How could Alex just decide to leave and move to Cambridge and not tell her? How could she let there marriage go like that? Casey was aware that the last year had been rough on them and their marriage, but it wasn't going to stay that way forever.

Hearing the jury say not guilty, Casey cringed. Packing up her belongings, Merritt Rook ran over and gave her a hug which Elliot quickly saved her from. Letting everyone clear out, Casey looked over the room. Was she just on a massive losing streak? Was Alex going to be a casualty of that streak?

Suddenly one of the court aide's handed her a note from Branch saying, "My office now." Casey picked up her belongings and followed the crowd out.

* * *

Later that evening, Casey arrived home quiet and furious. She'd just spent the last hour and a half receiving the tongue lashing of a lifetime from Branch. He was less than pleased with her performance, and had directly chastised her for her, as he'd put it, pathetic closing arguments.

Never would she normally blame Alex for anything work wise. Normally, she'd take it all in stride. She'd come home and tell her loving wife about her awful day and curl into her arms and let Alex tell her that everything would get better. It's what they did for one another, but at this moment she felt nothing but betrayal. At this moment, she couldn't help but blame Alex for her loss.

Casey couldn't focus giving her closing argument. She couldn't focus because right before Liz told her Alex had applied for a job at Harvard, one she'd get. All Casey could think of in court was why did her wife not tell her. Was Alex leaving her? Was Alex ever going to tell her? Was she just going to leave her?

Casey could feel her blood boiling in her veins. She needed air. She needed to relax. She needed a stiff drink and an explanation. Climbing out of her car, Casey walked from the garage, across the rainy garden and up the back kitchen steps.

The cooling steady rain was peaceful, Casey just wished she was at peace. Her mind kept flashing images of her wife and her through her head. First time they met, first kiss, their whole lives together flashing by...all standing on the edge of the precipice waiting to fall to it death.

As she opened the door to the kitchen, she could hear her wife on the phone in the front hall. Setting her stuff down, Casey headed straight to the bar area of the kitchen, pulling out the whiskey and a crystal tumbler. They'd been wedding presents, she hoped they were not received in vain. Pouring two fingers, she quickly downed them, before pouring another and knocking it back as well. The third pour was meant for sipping.

Walking into the living room, Casey began to pace while Alex talked. The blonde wasn't aware Casey was home clearly. She could hear Alex's entire conversation.

"Annalise, Liz told her! I am so screwed." Alex mumbled. "I just got the call this morning. I thought I'd tell her this weekend."

Casey took a large sip. This weekend they were suppose to be going shopping for a new bed. When was Alex going to tell her? When they bought one? Casey could see it in her head, 'I am so happy you love this new bed Casey, because I am taking the old one with me to Cambridge...' How could Alex do this? What was she thinking?

Casey shook her head as she heard Alex continue, "I know. She lost her case, Liz told me, along with a big lecture. No, she isn't home yet..."

Casey quickly interrupted, "Yes, I am, Alexandra."

"Got to go Annalise," Alex quickly said walking into the living room. "How long have you been here?"

"What does that matter, you have other things to explain, Alex, like why you didn't tell me that you applied for a job somewhere I can't go!" Casey yelled. She hadn't meant to go full force on her wife she just couldn't seem to control herself. She was so hurt and all she wanted to do nothing but scream and cry.

"Casey, it's not like that." Alex began only to be cut off again.

"Then what is it like! Why didn't you tell me? When did you apply?"

"I applied ten months ago. You missed our dinner date and I had to much to drink. I never heard anything back, I thought they'd just blown me off. Then I received a call this morning that they had an opening now. They did a brief phone interview, and told me if my references cleared they be happy to give me the job. They called me early this evening to say the job is mine." Alex said in a calm tone. The look of hurt that quickly spread across Casey's face told her that in no way would this conversation continue to be calm.

The crack in Casey's voice was evident, "Ten months...ten fucking months. Are you kidding me? What, were you just waiting for the next best thing to come around? Fuck!" Casey screamed as she finished her statement she hurled her glass with liquid and all at the wall. The shattering of the crystal broke Alex's resolve as she began to cry.

"You don't get to cry, Alexandra! I get to fucking cry. You are the one running away from me! Jesus Christ, Alex, fuck! Fuck!" Casey screamed as her own tears began to fall.

Feeling like she couldn't breathe enough to stand, Casey sat on the edge of the coffee table. As she struggled to bring herself back, Alex walked over and began, "I am sorry for hurting you Casey, but I can't keep standing here waiting for you to come join me in living our life. We had dreams for our future, dreams for our life together. You have abandoned those dreams for work, you work so much that you are never around for me. I have tried to talk to you about it, but nothing changes. I want this job, and I got it..."

"So, what you are leaving me? Do you want a divorce," Casey cried.

"Annalise, said you can work for her..."

"I don't want to be a defense attorney, Alexandra! I want to be a prosecutor." Casey yelled as she stood coming face to face with Alex, "I happen to love my job, Alexandra, and I am fucking good at it. I am not miserable in every job I take like you are!"

Alex felt the sting from Casey's words and without thinking her next steps through well she shoved Casey back yelling, "Sit down, Casey!"

As Casey fell back onto the coffee table, the look of shock and fear on Alex's face was unmistakable as she whispered, "I'm sorry."

Casey looked at the blonde in a dazed confusion before standing quickly and backing Alex against the wall. Pressing Alex's hands over her head loosely, saying the blonde was free to go if she chose, Casey pressed her lips against Alex's firmly. The kiss quickly turned passionate and desperate as if trying to undo all the trauma of the argument, as if trying to heal all their wounds.

Their lovemaking was forceful and gentle, a back in forth in their desperation to never stop. Trying to grab a peace of bliss back into their life before the storm that was fast approaching destroyed them forever. Falling asleep in a tangled mess, both said a silent prayer that morning would bring the answers that they needed to stay together.

* * *

As the morning light ebbed its way into her bedroom, Casey awoke to feel Alex's body tightly curled into hers. She loved waking to her wife tightly wrapped into her arms. She loved Alex more than anything in this world. As she moved to kiss her wife the memories of the night before flooded her.

Feeling her heart pound at the knowledge that Alex would be leaving her and her stomach twist, Casey moved from underneath her wife. As her tears began to pour from her eyes, Alex's quietly said, "I am sorry, Casey, for everything."

"Are...are you leaving?" Casey managed as she angrily wiped her tears away.

"Yes, I have too."

The answer was all the redhead needed. She quickly stood and walked into their dressing area. As she dressed in a tee and jeans, and slipped on shoes, Alex made her way to the doorway. "What are you doing?" The blonde asked as Casey pulled down an over night bag and began piling in clothes.

"Giving you the space you so desire." Casey snapped.

"Casey," Alex began only to be cut off.

"Stop! I don't need your lame excuses. You couldn't wait a year, a year! What did you think was going to happen, Alexandra?"

Alex just stood opening and closing her mouth. The words just wouldn't come. Shaking her head, Casey pushed past and began her way downstairs. Finally Alex managed, "Casey please don't go!"

Looking up at her wife, Casey shook her head, "I am not going to sit here and watch you pack. You are the one leaving me. I am just choosing to not be a masochist."

* * *

 **Present day...**

Hearing the ever present voices get closer, Casey tried to pull herself from the painful memories, but they coursed through her veins like hot lead. Falling back into them, deeper than before she could feel her heart rate speed up as she remembered that day. That day in the airport, the day heart her broke worse than ever. The day she lost Alexandra...

The following aftermath of losing her wife seemed to take on a new shade as she remember all the details, but seemingly through new eyes. The voices seemed to register in her head. The voices of her mother and Alex. Focusing on them, she began to pull herself from her thick dream space.

Opening her eyes, gently she flinched at the brightness and quickly regretted that decision as her chest felt like it would split open and every muscle had given up on her. "Easy, Casey Cat," her mother soothed taking her hand.

"Mom," Casey croaked in a painfully raspy tone.

"Yes, honey, it's Mama, Alex is here too." Carol again soothed.

The name of her wife bounced around in her head as her memories flooded her mind again. Her heart began to race again as she remembered everything. She could hear her mother asking Alex to get her some water, but all Casey could focus on was the pain she felt. Opening her eyes, and looking at her wife, Casey spoke, "Alex."

"Shh, baby. You don't have to speak. Take a sip," Alex replied in a sweet and endearing tone as she held the straw to Casey's mouth. Casey greedily drank down the water. Thankful to rid one part of her body from pain.

"Thank you," Casey coughed before regaining her breath and firmly saying, "Now, get out of my room."


	14. Chapter 14

**A/N: She's awake...now what... ;)**

* * *

 **Say something, I'm giving up on you**

 **I'll be the one if you want me to**

 **Anywhere I would've followed you**

 **Say something, I'm giving up on you**

 **Say Something by A Great Big World**

Alex stood shell shocked by Casey's words. Finally she felt some words rise in the back of her thick throat as she croaked out, "What?"

"I said, get out of my room." Casey replied as she turned her head to the opposite wall and closed her eyes tight. The pain in her body was intense, sickening to be exact.

Alex just stood still, as if frozen to the floor. She wasn't sure what to do or to say. She wanted to question the redhead, but Casey looked like she'd fall apart at any moment and pestering her didn't seem like the right course. Alex Cabot had never been more unsure of herself.

Carol watched the whole scene unfold before her eyes. She honestly wasn't to shocked by her daughters curt words. More accurately she was surprised it hadn't occurred earlier, but she knew this wasn't what either woman really wanted. "Alex, honey, why don't you go get the nurse or doctor. Let them know Casey is up and in pain, please."

Alex nodded yes, and forced her feet to work. As she opened the door to the room, she saw Carol sit on the bed next to Casey and rub the redheads arm. Casey's sobs were impossible not to hear as she walked from the room. Everyone of them breaking her heart...

* * *

 **Seven months earlier...**

Casey paced her office at work. She'd finally managed to reclaim some turf in the courtroom quickly and effectively winning the past five cases and saving Brooklyn's ADA from a massacre in the courtroom. Branch seemed happier with her with her cutthroat distant approach and let her off her temporary probation.

It was pure frustration with her wife and their situation fueling her. Casey refused to go home, camping out at her mothers house while Alex packed to move to Cambridge. The redhead couldn't believe that her wife was actually going to leave, especially when she couldn't follow. The whole situation seemed impossible, and numerous unanswered questions flooded her mind.

How could she go on with Alex? Should she have fought more? Would she ever stop crying herself to sleep? Would she ever stop dreaming of her wife? How could she have made Alex happier?

Casey wanted answers, but more than answers she wanted Alex. Grabbing her jacket and keys she ran down to the garage. Alex was leaving on the next flight out to Boston and Casey has to stop her. As she broke as many speed limits as possible and eventually parked her car in the short term lot at JFK, Casey felt she had a chance until security reminded her she needed a ticket to go to the gates. Running to the ticket counter she bought the first ticket she could and ran the rest of the way to Alex's gate.

As she finally approached, she paused to catch her breath. Nothing about gasping for air seemed romantic. Seeing Alex sitting in a chair in front of the window looking out on the plane, Casey smiled and walked towards her. "Alex," Casey said softly as she neared the blonde.

Looking up at her wife through her black framed glasses Alex smiled, "Casey, you came."

Sitting down, Casey began, "I love you, Alexandra Cabot. I love you more than the air I breathe. I promised to love you forever and I will do just that. Please Alex, please stay. Please don't go. Stay, I will divide up more work. I will get another ADA to help take on the Manhattan work load. We can have a baby if you want, we can do whatever you want. Please, just please don't leave me. I am ready to fight for us, please fight with me."

The blonde looked away from her wife. It pained her to see Casey hurting, but something really had to change. "Casey, I love you and I want to stay together, but SVU is like a disease...more appropriately a cancer to our relationship. You are so obsessed with it that you can't see how it's killing you. You barely sleep, when you do it's usually in the office. You are an absentee ballot to our life. I want a wife, Casey. I want to snuggle at night, and have lazy dinners, and travel. I want all of those things with you Casey." Alex took a breath listening to the flight attendants begin to board her plane. "Casey, you have a chance to having a real life, you can come with me. We can have all of those things together. Annalise would love to have you work for her, she even said she'd double your current salary."

"I don't want to be a defense attorney! I am a prosecutor and one of the best in the country, Alex!" Casey said a little to loudly gaining the attention of nearby passengers. "I have done nothing but supported you and you can't support me?"

"Casey, we can't survive as a couple of you are giving seventy-five percent of yourself to your job and only twenty-five to our marriage. I need my wife." Alex said as her boarding number was called. "I have to go," Alex whispered kissing Casey's cheek before turning and heading to the gate.

Running after her wife, Casey was quickly stopped by the TSA guard. Seeing Alex begin to disappear from sight, Casey screamed, "Alex, wait! Please stay!" Alex just turned back and shook her head no, leaving Casey standing there.

* * *

 **Five and a half months earlier...**

Casey drove home in silence. Her day had been miserable and all she wanted to do was take a long hot bath. As she approached another stoplight, she laid her head against her steering wheel and sighed. In truth, she wanted her wife, she wanted Alex.

As the days turned to weeks and weeks to months, Casey grew more hopeless about the state of her marriage. The hopeless feeling naturally resulted in Casey growing more vicious in the courtroom, wanting nothing but wins next to her dockets and excelling at work. She figured the more wins the greater the chance she could move to Cambridge with the job she wanted. The only problem was she was working an impossible case against the ruthless, Donna Emmett. Casey seriously wondered if she may be a secret sister of Annalise.

Every night she'd talk to Alex, but their relationship was strained to the max, often their calls would end with Casey begging the blonde to come home only to be turned down, and crying herself to sleep. She was miserable, but didn't want to cave, she wanted her career and wife. She just needed time.

The couple stood at a standstill and Casey wasn't sure what was left. Her mother kept telling her they needed to compromise, but Casey didn't know how to even approach it. Alex wasn't happy here, and there was no changing that and Casey didn't want to give up her career.

Finally, Casey had enough. She was working what seemed like the worst case, a cop raping kids, and what made it all worse was one of her detectives was being accused of fatally shooting another police officer. She needed Alex. She needed to know they'd be okay.

Quickly scrolling to Alex's name on her phone, she hit send. As the phone picked up over the car, she was quickly greeted with Alex's voice, the frustration ever present. "Hello, Casey."

"Hey, sweetheart." Casey said relishing the five seconds of semi peace. "How was your day?"

Alex sighed, "Seriously Casey? How was my day? What are we doing here Casey? I am not on vacation."

"I know, Alex, please come home." Casey said with a crack in her voice.

"I can't Casey. I am ready to live my life. I am really happy in my new job, a kind of happy I haven't been in years. Plus..." Alex trailed.

"Plus what?"

Alex took a breath, "Plus, I am going to try to get pregnant. I have an appointment tomorrow-"

Casey didn't wait to hear the end of Alex's statement before hanging up. The fury and hurt coursing through her veins was tremendous. She immediately turned off her phone as she pulled into her garage. She didn't want to talk to her wife anymore.

The tears that seemed to fall from her eyes were hard and endless. She could barely see to unlock the door, and could hear the house phone ringing over and over. Once inside she quickly picked the phone up and disconnected the call making sure to leave it off the hook. She didn't want to talk to Alexandra Cabot again. All she needed to feel better was a win.

* * *

 **Three months earlier...**

"Casey, are you sure about this?" Andrea asked in disbelief as her friend opened the door to her home.

"Absolutely. I have to get out of here," Casey said as she led Andrea into her home.

"Casey, why don't you let me rent it out or something." Andrea said looking into her friends seemingly lifeless eyes. "You two can fix this..."

"No, we can't. She filed for divorce." Casey replied in a curt tone walking into the kitchen. "What's better is I got the papers the day I had my hearing before the state bar...would you like some coffee?"

Andrea just stood in the doorway of the kitchen dumbfounded. "Kim said you didn't fight it, that you could have and been let off on probation, is that why?"

"It doesn't matter anymore. Don't judge Alex to harshly she had no idea my hearing was that day." Casey answered. "Do you need pictures?"

"Yes," Andrea replied pulling out her camera. As they covered the house, Andrea felt like her own heart was breaking for her friends. Happy pictures of the couple hung on the walls, and adorned their furniture. She couldn't help but wonder what went so wrong behind these walls. As she finally made her way into the master bedroom she gasped. In the corner next to the window, there was a beautiful white baby's cradle. "Casey, are you all having a baby?"

"No, Alex said she was trying to get pregnant. I bought it in case she ever changed her mind and wanted to come home," Casey stated. "List the house with all the furnishings included. If they don't want them donate them. I am done with this place."

* * *

 **Two months earlier...**

"Casey, you have to get out of bed." Carol sighed at her stubborn daughter. "Why don't you just call her?"

"And say what? I am sorry, Alex, please take me back now that I am a career less loser," as the words fell from the redheads lips she burst into tears again.

"Casey Cat, you aren't a loser. You made one bad choice. You just can't work in law for three years. You are so smart Casey, you could do anything you want." Carol soothed as she held her daughter tight. "Everything will be okay, I promise."

"She's trying to get pregnant without me," Casey cried. "Plus, she is divorcing me. She doesn't need me anymore. It's all my fault, I should have taken the job with Annalise, at least then I could still be practicing law."

"Hush Casey. It is not all your fault. Alexandra is just a guilty. Give it some time, baby, I promise you will find your way. You'll see, darling girl of mine." Carol soothed as Casey fell asleep crying in her arms.

* * *

 **Present day...**

Carol Novak was in no way surprised that her daughter had ordered Alex from the room. It was bound to happen with everything that the blonde had put her through emotionally. If she was being honest, she figured it was better that it happened now than before the baby arrived. The last thing she needed was for them to split up from old wounds after the baby was here.

"Casey, everything will be okay. Just keep breathing," Carol soothed.

Casey couldn't speak, she could only sob hysterically. Carols heart was breaking for her daughter. She'd never seen Casey cry like this, not even after losing her father and sister.

As the doctor and nurse came in, they quickly administered a heavy dose of painkillers. It took only a few minutes for Casey's pain to diminish, and the doctor advised rest and few visitors. Carol agreed to stay with her daughter for the time being.

Sitting on the bed next to her daughter, Carol softly asked, "Want to tell me about it?"

"She couldn't come all those months...all those months I needed her and she couldn't come...it takes me to almost die to be worthy of her presence." Casey softly said biting her lip. "Tell her to go home to Cambridge. I don't want to see her again."

Carol only nodded okay.


	15. Chapter 15

**A/N: Thank you for all your amazing reviews they keep me pumped and writing! :) Also, I know The Walking Dead didn't exist in 2008, but go with me on it. I needed a show I was still passionate about and talking about SVU in SVU fanfic just didn't work for me! )**

* * *

 **And I, I never understood what was at stake**

 **I never thought your love was worth it's wait**

 **Well now you've come and gone**

 **I finally worked it out**

 **I worked it out**

 **Georgia by Vance Joy**

Alex rushed out into the early November cold air. She didn't care that she'd forgotten her jacket behind in the hospital room, she just needed space and air. Fishing her phone from her back pocket, she walked to a secluded area outside the hospital. She needed to leave to get out of here and needed a ride home.

Sitting down on a bench she called Annalise and Eve's house. Annalise should be home by now. Hearing the phone ring a few times over the line, she breathed a sigh of relief at Eve's warm voice answering the line, "Hello, Alexandra."

"Eve, is Annalise there? I have to get out of here." Alex breathed out with a shake.

"What are you talking about Alex? How is Casey?"

"Casey woke up about an hour ago, but she doesn't want me here, she wants me to leave." Alex explained as tears ran down her cheeks.

"Oh my god, I am so over this, this is why you and Annalise don't need to be allowed to do stupid things like send divorce papers to force people's hands. Geez, I swear sometimes..." Eve trailed pacing her kitchen, "Okay, Alex, this is how this is all going to go down from here, are you listening?"

"Yes ma'am," Alex gulped.

"You are going to march your skinny ass back into that hospital and sit outside your wife's door and you are going to wait and grovel and bring her flowers as long as it takes for her to forgive you for being so ridiculous in the first place. Enough mopping around. You are pregnant and want your wife back, well it's time to fight for her damnit. I told you and Annalise that you two were being idiots with those papers but did you listen to me? No! You two are infuriating sometimes. Now, go get back to her room!"

Alex quickly stood and began walking back to the hospital, "I am going now. Thank you Eve."

"Any time Alex. If you really need us we are here." Eve said as Annalise laughed in the background at her wife's small explosion.

"We love you Alex." Annalise yelled between her fits.

"I love you two too." Alex said before disconnecting the call. Making her way back into the warm hospital, Alex shook off the cold.

She was becoming more and more sick to her stomach as she neared her wife's room. What if Casey wanted a divorce? What if Casey couldn't forgive her? How would she ever go about winning the redhead over again? Could she and Casey still have their happily ever after?

Feeling sick to her stomach, Alex sat down in the chairs outside Casey's room and bent over with her head between her legs taking deep calming breaths. Memories of happier times with Casey began to flood her mind as a steady stream of tears began to make their way down her cheeks. She wasn't sure how long she'd been sitting there crying until she heard Carol's voice next to her.

"Alex," Carol said in a warm tone.

"I am so sorry for everything. I am so sorry." The blonde cried. Carol quickly moved to the seat next to the blonde and wrapped her arms around her letting Alex cry on her shoulder.

"It will all be okay, you will see. It's just going to take you all time to repair this mess, but look on the bright side, better now than when my grandchild is here." Carol soothed as she patted Alex's back.

"She...she wants me...to...leave." Alex choked out in sobs.

"Yes, she does, but you are still here which speaks volumes. I am really happy you didn't run off."

Alex pulled back enough to look into Carol's eyes, "I tried to, but Eve told me to stay."

"Good," Carol laughed, "I bet she gave you a swift kick in the ass. Probably better it was her than me." Carol gave Alex a smirk that caused the blonde to laugh.

"How do I fix this?" Alex whispered, "I was being selfish and an idiot. I just wanted Casey, I was so hurt by her absence and went about it all in the wrong way."

Carol patted Alex's hands, "I know kiddo. You just need to tell her that, and grovel profusely. You will figure out just what to do to prove to her that you are in it for life."

"Thank you," Alex replied weakly bowing her head.

Lifting the blondes chin up with her finger, Carol smiled, "You first way to show her how much you care is to go sit in her room until I get back. I am going to shower, eat and grab a nap in a real bed and I will be back."

"But she doesn't want me in there," Alex challenged.

Standing Carol laughed, "Well the good news there is she is so drugged she shouldn't wake until I get back and doesn't always get what she wants. If she gives you hell just tell her, 'You get what you get and you don't pitch a fit.'" The gray haired woman winked and walked down the hall.

Slowly standing, Alex walked into the room as quietly as possible. Before today she'd always sat next to the bed and held Casey's hand, but now she felt like an outsider looking in. As a result, she took a seat in a chair next to the window.

Getting comfortable, she placed her hands on her belly. She wondered if they would have their baby together or apart. If they weren't together would Casey even want to be apart of the child's life? The millions of questions and the unknown amount of time she'd spent crying seemed to make her incredibly tired. Leaning her head against the wall, she was asleep in minutes.

* * *

Waking up, Casey winced in pain. It wasn't as bad as the last time she'd awoken, so the current pain medicines were clearly working. Slowly opening her eyes, she let herself adjust to the light. Finally being able to handle it, she looked around the room for her mother only to find Alex.

Scowling at the blonde, Casey looked her over. Alex had clearly been crying her eyes were swollen and puffy and she still had an uneven form in her breathing. After years of being with the blonde she noticed things others would easily miss like the irregularities to her breathing after she'd cried for a long time. It would always take a bit for Alex to readjust.

Casey was hurt by the blonde, but she couldn't help but still love her. She felt bad Alex was upset. She never wanted to see her sad and knowing she'd been crying hurt her, especially since Casey had been the one to most likely cause it. Continuing to examine Alex's sleeping form, she noticed the swell of her wife's stomach. Alex had gotten pregnant.

Part of Casey was thrilled and a giant part hurt. This baby wouldn't be from the donor they'd picked, so did that still make it their baby or Alex's baby? It was a question she never thought about having to answer.

Mulling it over in her head, Casey began to also wonder if she could actually ever forgive Alex for all the hurt she'd caused her. In all honesty, if it hadn't been for the divorce papers arriving the same day as her hearing before the bar Casey most likely would have won her case and just received probation and maybe a demotion versus a full on censure. Those papers caused her to lose sight of everything and instead she entered that court room and refused to fight for herself resulting in the full punishment.

Hearing Alex stir, Casey watched the blonde wake. "Hey," Alex spoke in a thick voice, "Your mom ran back to the cabin to get cleaned up and take a quick nap. She will be right back."

"Okay, thank you." Casey replied curtly quickly making her point that she didn't want to talk.

Biting her lip, Alex tried to remember that this was still Casey. She just had to navigate rough waters. "Can I get you anything, Casey?" Get no response, Alex looked around and spotted the television, "Hey, it's Sunday night! Guess what comes on soon, your favorite...The Walking Dead."

Alex quickly got up and figured out the television quickly tuning it to the correct channel. As the end of the last episode began to conclude, Casey spoke, "You hate The Walking Dead."

"It's not my favorite, I will admit, but you love it therefore I will happily watch it. I do have to admit though, if it gets to gory I might run out of the room and get sick. I am a bit nauseous already." Alex laughed.

"When are you due?" Casey asked matter of factly not sure how much information she really wanted about Alex's baby.

"I'm due March 7th." Alex answered looking at her belly.

"Congratulations." Casey mumbled focusing only on a walker tearing a person apart.

"I don't know if this is the best place, or time to tell you this Casey, or best show to have on..." Alex grimaced at the sight on the television before catching her wife's eyes, "but I used our donor to get pregnant. So, I have always considered this baby as our baby. You don't have to say anything now and if you don't feel the same I will respect that, I just wanted to be honest."

"Okay," Casey whispered as she fought to fight off tears. She didn't know what she was feeling. The wave of emotions over taking her were intense. She just tried to focus on the show as the last episode ended and the next started.

While they sat in Casey's room watching the show, Casey couldn't help but watch Alex. She'd been so mad at the blonde for deciding to have a baby without her she'd completely refused any contact with her. She'd never even let Alex explain beyond she was trying to get pregnant.

Maybe things could have been different if she'd let her speak...Maybe she would have seen things in a different way...Maybe life could be different after all...


	16. Chapter 16

**A/N: Thanks again for your reviews. :)**

* * *

 **The drought was the very worst,**

 **When the flowers that we'd grown together died of thirst,**

 **It was months, and months of back and forth,**

 **You're still all over me like a wine-stained dress I can't wear anymore...**

 **Clean by Taylor Swift**

By the end of the week, Casey found herself released from the hospital with strict rules. They'd kept her longer due to the severity of her wounds and the details regarding her surgery, but thought her safe to go home now. Life would be difficult for a bit, but manageable with her mother and Alex's help.

Currently, she couldn't lift anything more than 5 pounds. She wasn't allowed to drive for the next month. She wasn't allowed to sit for more than an hour and could only stand in place for 15 minutes. She was allowed to take lots of naps, and light walks, but if anything caused a pulling or stretching sensation in her chest she had to stop immediately. She was also required to go back in for weekly visits with Dr. Lafevere until she was cleared to resume regular life.

Riding back to the cabin in her mothers car, Casey tried to push her ambivalent emotions from her mind. Part of her was happy Alex hadn't run away again, but the other half was frustrated wondering when she would. As they came closer and closer to the house, Casey felt like she couldn't breathe. The pain in her chest was becoming intense and she couldn't decipher if it was from anxiety or the fact she'd just had major open heart surgery two weeks prior. Finally, she broke and began to cry.

"It's okay, Casey Cat, we are almost there and you can lay down and rest." Carol soothed as she turned down the road the house was off.

Alex placed her hand on her wife's shoulder and gave a little squeeze. Casey quickly grabbed onto the blondes hand and held on tight as they made the climb up the house's inclined driveway. As Carol parked, Alex quickly jumped out of the car and gingerly helped the redhead out.

Once her feet were on the ground and she was steady, Casey let Alex and her mom help her inside and to bed. Carol sat on the bedside and held on to Casey's hand while Alex ran to get a bottle of water and more pain medicine. Handing everything to Carol, Alex stood in the doorway.

"Here Case," Carol said handing Casey the pills and water, "You can take two now, then one every four hours from here on out."

"Thank you," Casey replied in a choked voice.

"I am going to head back out to the store, Casey, to get supplies for dinner. Alex will be here though. You need to rest, so try to get some sleep. Okay?" Carol soothed.

Casey scrunched her face up as another wave of pain coursed through her body. "Okay, thanks Mom."

Carol looked to Alex and the two left the room. "I should only be gone for an hour max. Do you need anything while I am out?" Carol asked.

Rubbing her arms from the chill in the house, Alex walked to the thermostat and turned it warmer. "I am good with what ever, as long as it's not fish."

"Okay, honey. Why don't you get some rest too while I am out." Carol said as she walked to the door.

"Thank you, Carol." Alex watched as her mother-in-law headed out into the cold November afternoon.

Not being able to shake the chill Alex walked back into the room she and Casey normally shared to fetch a sweatshirt. Finding Casey's old Harvard Law sweatshirt she loved to curl up in Alex clutched it tight and took a deep breath enjoying the still lingering smell of her wife.

"You can wear it, Alexandra." Casey said in a groggy voice. The pain killers had clearly taken effect.

Quickly slipping the sweatshirt on and taking comfort in being enveloped in Casey's smell, Alex lingered in a place of happy memories before standing. Watching her wife from the end of the bed, lying there alive after so much time worrying that she might not make it, Alex cracked and began to cry. She didn't want to cry in front of Casey, she wanted to be strong but she couldn't help it.

"Why are you crying?" Casey asked confused by the meds.

"I...I am so happy...you are okay." Alex choked out.

Casey waved her hand in the air to motion for Alex to sit down, "Yep, here I am still as screwed up as ever. Just now I am a little hotter because I have bullet wound scars and a big gnarly one down my chest."

Swallowing hard Alex tried to smile. She knew the redhead was trying to make her laugh, she just couldn't. "I never wanted to lose you Casey. When I heard from the doctor and your mother that day, I thought I was going too. I never want to lose you. I promise I am going to fight for us. I will never leave again. I love you, Casey...I always will."

"I love you too," Casey said sleepily as she took Alex's hand and fought to keep eye contact. "Lay down with me please."

"Are you sure?" Alex asked nervously.

Casey didn't answer she just nodded yes. Alex didn't wait for another invitation, instead she just climbed in next to her wife and gingerly wrapped her arm loosely around the redheads waist. It didn't take long for Casey to drift off, breathing lightly against Alex, who happily fell asleep holding her wife.

An hour later Carol came home to find Alex and Casey curled into one another. She genuinely hoped they would repair all the damage and raise their baby together. Letting the two sleep, she began cooking dinner smiling as she let her mind wander to how different life could be for their little family in a few months.

Casey and Alex could have their child and raise it together. She wasn't sure if they got back together where they would live or what Casey would do. Her heart really hurt for her daughter. Casey had always loved her career, and Carol really didn't think the redhead would be happy doing anything else.

Hearing footsteps behind her, Carol turned to see Alex. "Is everything okay, honey?"

"Yeah, I just had to pee, typical baby dancing on my bladder." Alex laughed.

Carol frowned at Alex, "What are you not telling me, Alexandra."

Walking to a barstool, Alex sat down. "I have to go back to Cambridge at the end of the week. I have a doctors appointment and I have to take care of a few other things. I should only be gone for a few days. I just hate leaving Casey behind. I'd like to take her with me, but she'd never make the trip."

"I understand." Carol said softly. She could see how much this was bothering her daughter in law, but she feared that it would undo Casey.

"I don't want Casey to think I am not coming back." Alex replied softly. "I need to go, but I don't want to upset her."

"Why don't you take my car? That way she will know you are coming back. Call her from the doctors office that way she can feel like she is apart of it too, and hurry back as quickly as possible." Carol suggested as she pulled the blonde in for a hug.

Alex couldn't help but cry. The whole ordeal had been so emotionally draining. Carol just sat and held her until she finally felt a little better. As they started to break apart that's when they noticed Casey standing in the doorway.

"You are leaving?" The redhead said in her deep husky voice.

"At the end of the week, just for a few days, Casey." Alex said. Casey just shook her head and walked back in her room kicking her door shut behind her.

Alex jumped from her seat and stormed right into the bedroom after her wife. "Do you want to fix this Casey?"

"Yes! But you are the one always leaving, Alexandra!" Casey yelled only to immediately regret it from the searing pain in her chest.

"Jesus Casey," Alex said seeing her wife wince in pain. Helping the redhead back into bed, she continued, "We need to be calm for you and the baby. Plus, you have two more hours till your next pill."

"Okay." Casey said weakly trying to blink away tears.

"I'm not leaving you for long. Four days max and I will be back okay."

"Why?" Casey asked firmly.

Alex pulled Casey into her arms. "I have an appointment with the OB, and then I have a meeting with the school to work out my classes and such. Then I will be back. I promise. I am even taking your moms car baby. I promise I am coming back to you."

"You better." Casey said snuggling into her wife as best as she could without causing herself pain.

"I promise Casey."

Casey just laid there for a bit, relishing holding Alex close. She loved her wife and never wanted to lose her again. "I'm sorry I didn't cut back more at work when you asked me too."

"I'm sorry I wasn't more understanding, and that I left, and that I sent you divorce papers Casey." Alex said as she wiped her own tears. "Why do you still want me?"

"I want you because you are the love of my life and we all screw up. Look at me babe, I am career less." Casey replied looking into Alex's deep blue eyes.

"I know. I am sorry Casey. I should have been there for you."

Casey smiled, "It's okay. I, we will figure things out. I guess we are going to be living in Cambridge after all."

"Yeah," Alex replied weakly. Changing the subject she said, "We need to pick out names."

"Okay," Casey smiled brightly, her green eyes finally lighting up like normal again.

"Okay," Alex smiled genuinely, "I like Amelia for a girl."

"I love it. How about Amelia Sophia?" Casey offered.

"Perfect." Alex smiled, "Now if it's a boy I want to name him Julian."

"Alex, I love that name." Casey smiled.

"I know. You mentioned it once when we were dating and watching your old DVDs of Deep Space Nine. You said you loved Julian Bashir and you'd love to name a boy Julian. So, Casey if it's a boy I want to name him Julian for you." Alex said kissing her wife gently.

"I love you, Alexandra."

"I love you too."

Casey smiled, "So, Julian...what about Julian Alexander?"

"Perfect." Alex smiled. Everything did seem perfect at this moment. She just needed to still repair a few things for everything to be truly perfect for them again. Good news was she had Annalise and Eve to help her out with those plans.


	17. Chapter 17

**A/N: Thank you for your support. :)**

* * *

 **I took my love and took it down**

 **I climbed a mountain and I turned around**

 **And I saw my reflection in the snow-covered hills**

 **Till the landslide brought me down**

 **Oh, mirror in the sky, what is love?**

 **Can the child within my heart rise above?**

 **Can I sail through the changing ocean tides?**

 **Can I handle the seasons of my life?**

 **Well, I've been afraid of changing**

 **'Cause I've built my life around you**

 **But time makes you bolder**

 **Even children get older**

 **And I'm getting older too**

 **Landslide by Fleetwood Mac**

Casey sat on the front porch watching ripples in the water dance across the lake. It didn't seem like such a long time ago that she sat here signing the divorce papers her wife had served her. Now she sat here waiting for Alex to come back, praying that she would return.

Hearing her mother approach from behind, Casey let out a deep sigh. Turning to look at her, Casey gave her a weak half smile. "She..." Casey began only to stop and bite her lip to keep from crying.

"She is coming back, Casey Cat. She is, I promise." Carol soothed as she walked around her daughter and took the rocker next to her.

Taking a deep breath to steady herself, Casey asked softly, "How do you know that? How can you be sure?"

"Because she loves you, Casey. You two are having a baby together. Granted, you may not have been as involved in the beginning as you would have liked to have been, but Alex is your wife Casey, she loves and adores you. She wants to be a family."

Getting very quiet, Casey let out a deep sigh, "I can't even support myself Mom, how am I suppose to support Alexandra and our baby."

"Good lord, Casey! Stop it. You are brilliantly smart, and it's not like you and Alexandra are hard for money. You have been sitting on that house in the city and you rented this place for six months, on top of Alex renting and living in Cambridge. From what I understand, you could stay at home for three years and you two would be perfectly fine." Carol sighed herself. She knew her daughter's reactions were normal, but she was still frustrated. She wanted to rid Casey of her guilt and doubt and wasn't sure exactly how to do it. Finally, the tough love approach came gushing out.

Resting her head against the back of her rocker and gazing out at the lake, Casey let her mothers words sink in deep for a bit. Finally, she spoke, "I guess, but I'd still like to feel like I was the one caring for them."

"I know honey, but life doesn't always turn out how we plan."

Looking to her mom, Casey shook her head yes in understanding. The two women sat there in peace for a bit watching the lake. After about five minutes, Carol said, "Okay, enough sitting. Now you can go for a little walk with me or head inside for a nap."

"Nap, I am feeling a bit worn out right now, but I will take you up on the walk after." Casey groaned as her mother helped her up.

"Sounds good, honey. It won't be much longer before you can get back to normal life." Her mother said as she helped her into bed.

"Yeah, I can't wait." Casey sighed as she snuggled into the pillows. Grabbing her mothers hand, she whispered, "Thank you Mom, for everything you have ever done for me and for all you do for Alex and me."

"You never have to thank me," Carol said kissing her daughter's forehead, before heading out of the room.

* * *

Alex lay on the couch while Annalise paced the room and Eve sat in the arm chair opposite. The blonde knew she may be asking the impossible of her friends, but she had to try. Casey deserved it.

"Alex, I don't think it possible..." Eve said softly quickly causing Annalise to stop and lock eyes with the brunette.

"Anything is possible. I think Alex has a fair argument. We just need to fix the scales in our behalf. Appeals court is similar, we just have to make the bar see that Casey was unfairly judged, that working with Special Victims for so long weakened her judgement. We have to make them feel true empathy for her, and see that she wasn't in a clear state of mind and that she didn't get a fair hearing because of the divorce papers causing her undo stress, therefore it didn't allow her to have a fair proceeding!" Annalise belted in her courtroom voice.

Alex couldn't control herself, she instantly began crying. Annalise's eyes went wide in horror as Eve moved to the blondes side pulling her into a hug. "Alex, it's not your fault. You didn't know she was meeting with the bar that day." Eve soothed.

"I should have been there for her." Alex cried into Eve's shoulder.

"Take a breath Cabot and pull yourself together," Annalise barked. "This is your idea and I have no time to waste in planning Casey's defense or appeal or whatever this is. I need strategy and you use to handle appeals. I need to know how your mind works, how to pick your strategy apart, so I can fight effectively before the bar. If you want to get your wife her job back, this is how we do it. So pull yourself together!"

Eve scowled, she didn't think it was fair to be so rough on Alex right now, but she agreed at the same time with Annalise, they needed Alex's help. Handing Alex the tissues, they gave her a moment to compose herself. When she finally seemed ready they began their planning and strategy before typing up the appeal forms.

* * *

Three days later, Alex made her way back to the cabin. She was worn out from all the planning and ready to snuggle up with her wife. Plus, she was really excited about sharing her two big surprises with Casey. She knew the redhead needed a giant pick me up right now.

Finally making her way down the last windy road to the cabin, Alex pulled up the drive and parked. She noticed that Casey's jeep was missing and figured that Carol had gone out for groceries and some shopping. She knew poor Carol was probably on the verge of cabin fever, neither she nor Casey ever did well being cooped up for too long. By the time she made it to the porch, Casey had opened the door. Without waiting another second, Alex gently pulled her wife close just enjoying the warmth of her body against the cold of winter, taking comfort in her smell and her beating heart, before kissing her softly to say hello.

As they broke apart, Alex whispered, "I missed you far to much. I am sorry I ended up having to stay another day. I don't ever want to be apart for so long again."

Despite the tears of happiness that seemed to be escaping the corners of Casey's eyes, Casey laughed, "Deal baby, deal," before pulling Alex in for a bit deeper kiss.

Breaking apart again, they made their way inside the warm cabin. After setting her bag down in her room and fetching her two presents for Casey, Alex joined the redhead on the sofa. "So, I got you two surprises while I was in Cambridge. Well one is for us together, but I want you to open it." Alex said with a big smile.

"I like this, give them to me," Casey squealed in delight by the surprises as she reached out her hands.

In the redheads right hand she placed their mutual gift and in the left she placed Casey's gift. "Open whichever you want first."

"Okay," Casey said as she examined each box closely, with a big smile she picked her box first and tore it open like a small child on Christmas morning. As she removed the top lid of the box, she slowed her movements as she parted the tissue paper. Seeing the stacks of paper, she quirked an eyebrow carefully freeing them from the box.

Fingering through the motions for appeal of Casey's censure and motions to have her law license reinstated under probationary terms, Casey's eyes widened. It was only when she came to the last page and found Alex's resignation letter to Harvard Law and the job offer to teach at Columbia that Casey looked up into the deep blue eyes of her wife. "Alex," Casey whispered, "What did you do?"

"Nothing yet, Casey, this all depends on what you want," Alex started as she took Casey's hands in her own, "Cambridge was my dream Casey that you were willing to make your dream, but I am tired of us living my dream, I want to live our dream. Our dream was our house, and it was and is our home. I want to go back home with you Casey. I also want you to have your job back and you didn't get a fair hearing and Annalise is going to get you that fair hearing. She, Eve, and I worked non-stop to build you a dynamite case and we can win Casey. We can file these papers tomorrow with the bar association and set your hearing for after we get back home. Please Casey, please let me fix this mess."

"And you are going to leave Harvard to teach at Columbia?" Casey asked wiping the new round of tears from her eyes.

"Absolutely, Casey. It's what I should have done from the start." Alex said squeezing Casey's hand in hers.

"Wait to put in your resignation. If my license doesn't get reinstated then I will stay at home with the baby and do clerical work for Annalise and Eve. Plus, even if it does get reinstated that doesn't mean the McCoy would give me back my job." Casey sighed.

Alex smirked, "Yes he will. I talked to him with Arthur Branch yesterday. He agreed to let you come back on one condition..."

"What's that?" Casey questioned.

"That you act as the EADA for White Collar." Alex grinned.

"That's the dream job of every prosecutor..." Casey gasped.

"Yes, it is Casey, and he wants the best prosecutor for the job and that's you, babe." Alex laughed.

"I love you," Casey said pulling Alex in for a heated kiss, which quickly grew more passionate by the second as Casey's eager hands began to make their way up her wife's shirt. Just as she was about to unclasp Alex's bra they were interrupted by Carol's arrival home.

"Not for another two weeks, Casey Novak," Carol called out at the two blushing women that quickly parted like two teenagers. "You just asked Dr. Lad every about sex yesterday...geez, I swear sometimes you only hear what you want..."

Quickly standing, Alex helped Carol with the groceries, before they all sat down for Casey to open her last present. Opening it, she found a DVD. Looking to Alex for answers, the blonde explained, "My OB wanted to make sure everything was okay with the little Gremlin, so he did my ultrasound. I didn't want to do it without you, but I was due for it, so my doctor told me to keep my eyes shut and he recorded it for us. He said it would tell us if we are having a boy or a girl at the end."

"So, the baby is healthy?" Casey asked softly.

"Healthy and big!" Alex laughed, "Well, big considering I am almost six months now."

"Okay," Casey smiled, let's find out what we are having.

Carol quickly took the DVD and put it in the player as Alex turned on the television. "I am so happy I get to be here for this!" The grandmother to be exclaimed.

With the three of them sitting on the couch and Alex in the middle, they watched as the little baby appeared on the screen. It's heart beating at a fast 145 beats per minute, watching it turn and wiggle. The three women cooed seeing the baby's face and hands and its tiny feet. As the video neared the end, they saw the baby's feet then the shot, where the doctor marked in letters across the screen 'it's a boy!'

"It's a boy! You all are having a boy!" Carol exclaimed, as Alex repeated softly in shock, "It's a boy," as her wife placed a hand to her belly and pulled her close.

"It's a boy, Alex," Casey half laughed through her tears. Kissing her wife softly, she bent down to Alex's belly and said, "Hi, Julian. You're Mommy and I can't wait to meet you."


	18. Chapter 18

**A/N: I am going to try to keep the updates regular, bear with me though, I have a cold that's weighing me down right now. :)**

* * *

 **"Deep in my heart I'm concealing**

 **Things that I'm longing to say**

 **Scared to confess what I'm feeling**

 **Frightened you'll slip away**

 **You must love me**

 **You must love me**

 **Why are you at my side?**

 **How can I be any use to you now?**

 **Give me a chance and I'll let you see how**

 **Nothing has changed"**

 **You Must Love Me performed by Madonna**

 **written by Andrew Lloyd Webber and Tim Rice**

As the week passed, Casey started taking short trips out of the house. The energy that she suddenly seemed to possess had her taking walks outside accompanied by Alex or her mom. By the end of the week, she was finally able to do some light shopping in town with Alex at a local baby boutique, which is where they currently stood nose deep in baby clothes and gear.

Watching Alex move throughout the store, Casey couldn't help but smile. Life for her seemed so much brighter suddenly; she had her wife back, they were having a sweet baby boy, and she might even get her job back. She knew without a doubt that she wouldn't do anything to mess anything up this time, she knew what losing Alex was like and she would never let that happen again.

Watching Alex eye a sweet white crib, dresser and rocker set, Casey pulled out her cellphone and quickly called Kim as she worked her way through the store. Hearing the brunette answer, Casey quickly jumped into conversation, "Hey Kim, it's Casey."

"You know that cellphones come standard with caller ID, right? How are you feeling?" Kim said clearly distracted with papers at her desk.

"Good, listen I don't have long and..."

"You know, I love Liv, but she and Elliot can be a real pain in the ass, they always..."

"Kim!" Casey whispered loudly hiding in the back hallway of the store.

"What? I swear." Kim muttered not liking that she was cut off.

"I need you and Owen and everyone to help me with something." Casey whispered again as she peeked around the corner. Alex was still entranced in baby stuff.

"Okay, what is it?"

"I need you all to clear out my home office. Box everything up. I will text you the number of my storage people, if you call them they will come and take it all to my storage unit. Next, I am going to arrange some painters to come in and paint the room, please let them in. Also, I am about to buy some nursery furniture, can you be there when it is delivered?" Casey said quite quickly and rather incoherently.

"Let me get this straight, you want us to pack up your office, meet the storage people and the painters and the furniture delivery people all for you?" Kim questioned.

"Yes!" Casey exclaimed a little too loudly. Poking her head around the corner she was relieved to see Alex was still consumed with baby bedding. Letting out a sigh, she explained, "I want to surprise Alex. I want to show her how devoted I am to changing for her."

"Casey, if you get your job back you are going to need your home office." Kim stated flatly. "It's a beautiful idea, but why don't you do the baby's room in one of your third floor rooms and keep your office where it is, or at least move your home office upstairs."

"Okay, do you mind moving it upstairs? I can arrange furniture movers to come move the stuff around. That way we don't have to climb stairs all night when the baby gets up." Casey smiled. She knew she called Kim for a reason over Abbie.

"Okay, I will put those cry baby detectives to work!" Kim said with an evil smirk that could rival the grinches.

"I see you like your new job," Casey laughed.

"Hate it," Kim said with a laugh as their was a knock on her door. "Got to go, there is one now!"

Casey hung up and made her way to the store back to her wife's side. Alex looked up with a smile, "There you are," she said as she leaned in to kiss Casey softly, "I was wondering where you ran off to."

"I realized I needed to check in with Kim." Casey said, quickly adding, "She had a question about dealing with Liv and Elliot."

"They can be a handful for sure! I love this set, what do you think?" Alex asked holding up a sweet boy bedding set adorned with little elephants.

"I think it's perfect, baby," Casey said pulling her wife close into her arms and resting her head against her shoulder. "I love you two more than anything."

"We love you too." Alex said, before quickly exclaiming, "Casey!" Grabbing the redheads hand she moved it to a spot on her belly where Casey could feel their baby kicking, "Do you feel him?"

"Yeah, I do," Casey said with a big smile dropping to her knees. "Hey, Julian, it's your Mama, I just wanted to say hi, and that I love you," Casey said to Alex's belly before kissing it and standing back up. Looking into her wife's eyes, Casey softly said, "I love you, Alexandra."

Alex smiled sweetly, "I love you too."

* * *

By the end of the following week, Casey was cleared to return to normal life. Her chest incision had completely healed and minus the large scar and the two scars from the bullet wounds she was as good as before the shooting. The redhead was more than ready to get back to her normal life after the long road of recovery.

Walking out from the hospital that morning, Carol bid her daughter and Alex farewell. She simply stated that she had to get home to check on somethings and since she was no longer needed she thought she'd go back early. Really she knew she'd see them tomorrow when they arrived back home in New York City, since Casey had arranged for her mother to do the finishing touches on the nursery. Exchanging hugs and kisses, the couple waved goodbye to her and drove home in relative silence.

Pulling back up at the cabin, the two women exited the car like two nervous teenagers. Neither would say what they were both thinking, which was it had been far to long, and instead each made a point to find something that needed their immediate attention upon entering the house. Alex quickly found herself refolding clothes, and Casey seemed to find herself washing the dishes in the sink. It was only when they found themselves finishing their tasks at the same time that they locked eyes and erupted in laughter.

Setting her cup down, Casey walked towards Alex. "Are you as nervous as I am?"

Alex dropped her shirt and closed the distance wrapping her arms around Casey's neck. "Yes, I am terrified I am going to hurt you. It wasn't that long ago that you were lying in that bed...in the hospital."

"You aren't going to hurt me, Alex. I aced that stress test today and I was running on a full incline at the fastest speed. You heard that cardiologist my heart is perfectly healthy."

"Yeah," Alex rolled her eyes at the memory.

"And a perfect transplant heart! Who the hell says that? I loved how you reminded him that I was still using it," Casey laughed.

Alex smiled and lightly kissed Casey's full lips. "So, what is it you are nervous about," she asked in a slightly deeper voice now that her own fears had been put to rest.

"Hurting you and the baby," Casey admitted as she began to blush.

Alex pulled back enough to look Casey in the eyes, "You won't hurt me or the baby. I promise." Taking Casey's hand she began leading her to the bedroom, "And you want to know a secret," she asked pulling Casey flush against her as they reached the doorway.

"Yeah," Casey husked breathlessly suddenly seeing the deep shade of blue that Alex's eyes had turned. It was something that happened when Alex was really desperate and something she hadn't seen in a very long time.

Alex moved her lips to Casey's ear and whispered, "I've been really horny lately, and I have been waiting for you. Don't make me wait..."

Casey couldn't help but whimper at Alex's confession, but she wasted no time hoisting the blonde up in her arms and carrying her to the bed. Setting her down, she wasted no time removing the blondes shirt and bra before pulling her back into her arms and kissing her passionately.

Breaking the kissing, Alex whispered, "Slow down just a second, Casey."

Casey stepped back, quirking an eyebrow at her wife as she bit her lip. "What?" She husked.

Alex watched her wife intensely as she slowly pushed her pants down and then slowly her underwear. She couldn't help but notice as Casey's breath hitched in her throat at the sight. Smirking at her wife she climbed up on the bed and propped herself up on the pillows. "Okay, undress," Alex said as she began playing with her nipples.

"Fuck, Alex," Casey husked as she quickly began to yank her shirt over her head as she began kicking her sneakers off.

"Slowly, Casey," Alex said a little breathlessly.

As Casey, finally managed to get the shirt over her head she noticed that Alex was already rubbing light circles over her clit and how wet she already was, the sight causing the redhead to moan. As instructed, she slowly unhooked her bra, causing Alex to gasp then slid her yoga pants off revealing the fact she wasn't wearing underwear. Crawling on to the bed, Casey took Alex's hand in hers and stilled her movements eliciting a whimper from Alex.

"Casey, please," the blonde whimpered only causing Casey to smirk.

"Do you want to come?"

"Yes," Alex moaned breathlessly.

"Good," Casey husked as she kissed her wife, before kissing her way down Alex's neck and across her chest lightly sucking and nipping her nipples. Moving up and kissing her wife again, Casey lightly ran her fingers through Alex's wet center causing the blonde to arch into her and moan into her mouth. "You are soaked."

"And super sensitive," Alex whispered.

Casey grinned and quickly wasted no time moving down between Alex's legs. Positioning herself right over Alex's soaked center she lightly ran her tongue through her moaning at the taste before rolling her tongue over Alex's hot swollen clit. Alex couldn't help but roll her hips up into Casey moaning, "Oh fuck yes, Casey."

Casey wrapped her hands around Alex's thighs to try and hold her still as she continued to roll her tongue moaning at the taste of her wife. The sounds escaping Alex were so intense that Casey was throbbing with want. Feeling Alex tangle her hands in her hair as she began to cry out, "Yes, Casey, yes!" Casey sucked the blondes clit into her mouth causing Alex's body to shake and her words to change into incoherent slurs as she began to come.

Helping Alex down from her high, Casey kissed her way up her wife's body. Kissing her wife lightly, Casey looked into her eyes as she slid two fingers easily into her, relishing the way Alex arched up and her breath hitches in her throat. Finding that spot, Casey kissed her as she moved her fingers fast and just the way Alex liked, causing Alex to moan, "Yes, Casey, just like that, yes!" A few more thrusts and Alex was coming hard around Casey's fingers.

"You are so beautiful," Casey said kissing her wife's cheek as Alex came down from her second orgasm.

Alex smirked at Casey as she pushed herself back up against the pillows. Pulling Casey to straddle her legs, Alex kissed her wife as she pinched Casey's nipples. "You are gorgeous, Casey."

Leaning back in Alex's arms, Casey moaned loudly as Alex took one of her nipples in her hot mouth and swirled her tongue around it before nipping it lightly. As she moved to the other she slid one hand between Casey's legs to find her soaked center, causing Casey to moan and buck against Alex's fingers.

"Please, Alex, please make me come." Casey begged.

Positioning her thumb against Casey's clit and sliding two fingers in deep Alex set a fast rhythm, causing Casey to pant Alex's name. It didn't take long for Casey to be on the brink of ecstasy. Holding onto Alex's shoulders for support she began to roll her hips against the blondes fingers adding the extra friction she needed to come hard.

Falling back against the sheets, the redhead gasped for air. She was in a state of total oblivion and wasn't aware Alex had even moved until she felt the blonde crawl between her legs. Casey looked up and watched as Alex flicked her hot tongue tongue against her swollen clit.

"Oh, yes, Alex," Casey gasped as Alex lightly sucked Casey clit into her mouth. Casey wasted no time tangling a hand in Alex's hair, as she tried to roll her hips against her wife's mouth only to be held down. Alex slowly brought the redhead to the edge again before finally letting Casey roll her hips getting the extra friction she needed to come screaming Alex's name.

Slowly moving back up the bed, the couple fluffed the pillows and curled into one another's arms. Alex looked deep into her wife's green eyes. "I have missed this way to much."

"So have I," Casey whispered, "I never want to lose you again."

Smiling at her wife, Alex whispered, "You never will."


	19. Chapter 19

**A/N: Sorry, I am doing the best I can to get these updates out! Oh, if you are a fan of Greys Anatomy, you will again notice that I borrowed some other characters from the amazing Shonda Rhimes. ;)**

* * *

 **"These are days of the endless dancing**

 **And the long walks on the summer night**

 **These are the days of the true romancing**

 **When I'm holding you oh, so tight**

 **These are the days by the sparkling river**

 **His timely grace and our treasured find**

 **This is the love of the one great magician**

 **Turned water into wine**

 **These are the days now that we must savour**

 **And we must enjoy as we can**

 **These are the days that will last forever**

 **You've got to hold them in your heart."**

 **These Are The Days by Van Morrison**

Alex drove through the rainy city streets headed back home with her wife. It had been nearly nine months since she was last in New York City, nevertheless in her home, and everything at this moment seemed almost surreal. She couldn't believe how much she'd missed it all. It seemed as if nothing had changed with the city, yet so much had changed for her and Casey.

Casey was sleeping peacefully in the passenger seat, using her seat belt strap like a make-shift pillow. Alex couldn't help but smile at the sweet little noises her wife was making. She was so thankful to have the redhead back safe in her life and to be going home together.

Turning the corner, she started the final stretch home. Seeing their garage, she pressed the built in remote and gently gave Casey a shake. "Casey, we are home. Wake up, Sweetheart."

As she pulled Casey's jeep into their garage, Casey began to stretch making the cutest squeaking noises. Alex couldn't help but watch her wife for a minute, a goofy grin falling across her face. "Hey, sleepyhead."

"Hi," Casey said as she began to register where they were, "We are home? You let me sleep the whole way?"

"Yeah, you needed it, baby."

"I feel rather guilty now. You need your rest too." Casey replied as she leaned forward and gave her wife a light kiss. "Why don't we go inside, I have a surprise for you..."

"I love surprises," Alex said as she quickly unbuckled and climbed from the car. Casey could only shake her head as she unclipped herself and exited the car.

Joining her wife with the bags they absolutely had to grab, they exited the garage and crossed the back path through the yard to the house. As, Alex began to take the stairs she could see Annalise and Eve in the house with Carol. "We evidently have company. Did you know?"

"Yes ma'am, I sure did. Annalise drove your car down. My mom has been getting somethings ready..." Casey trailed as Carol opened the door to quickly let them inside.

"You two get out of that rain," Carol scolded. "Eve just made a fire and Annalise and I are cooking dinner. Alex, I made you that chicken casserole you loved so much."

Setting her bags down, Alex pulled her mother-in-law in for a hug, "I love you so much! Thank you! I am seriously famished."

Casey could only smile at the scene. She loved the fact that her mother and Alex were so close, so many families lack close ties and she felt fortunate that that wasn't the case for them. Touching her wife's back lightly, she said, "I want to show you your surprise."

Alex followed her wife up the stairs to their room, as they walked in she couldn't help but notice the gorgeous white cradle next to the window. Setting her bags down, she moved to look at it closer only to find the baby bedding she had fallen in love with in cradle size at the baby store that day, along with an outfit for the baby, the best part being everything was monogrammed with his name.

Turning to look at Casey, her eye caught the door to the office except it wasn't an office anymore. Casey smiled as Alex caught her eyes in confusion, "Now, for your big surprise." Taking her wife's hand, she led the way down through their dressing area and into the now nursery.

Looking over the white nursery set she'd fallen in love with at the baby boutique followed by the embroidered elephant baby boy bedding, and the light pastel grey blue painted walls and cloud painted ceiling, Alex began to cry. "It's perfect. Everything is perfect. Thank you, Casey."

"I wanted you to know just how devoted I am to you and our baby, Alexandra." Casey began as she wrapped her arms around her wife's waist. "I bought that cradle when you told me you were trying to get pregnant. I always wanted you to come home and I wanted you to know that I wanted to be a family. I promise to put you and our baby before everything else in life from now on."

"I love you, Casey." Alex said before kissing her wife. Casey only broke the kiss long enough to say, "I love you too."

* * *

Over the next few days, the Novak-Cabot household was full of prepping for Casey's bar hearing on Thursday. They pulled every file of case law that they could find showing that the Manhattan district attorney's office was just as liable for Casey's Brady Violation considering all the stress she was under. Annalise and Eve focused on the fact that one of Casey's detectives had been involved in a shooting related to the case and how that made her emotionally connected to the case, Eve also pointed out that the office let Casey work Sex Crimes two years longer than suggested by credible psychiatrists. Annalise had even convinced Liz Donnelly to testify on Casey's behalf, saying that she didn't deserve censure, but probation at best. Liz was even able to get Jack McCoy to come and testify on Casey's behalf saying the DA's office was ready to rehire her if she was reinstated with a promotion for her success in the unit. They were even prepared to show that Casey had been served with divorce papers the day of her hearing which put her under considerable stress that didn't allow her to properly defend herself.

The case seemed rock solid in Casey's defense. So, as she snuggled into her wife Wednesday night she actually let herself feel hope. "Thank you, Alexandra."

"For what, Casey?" The blonde whispered.

"For making this possible, for still finding a reason to come back to me, for helping me get better, for fighting to get my license back, for making me a mother, and most importantly for saying yes and I do." As Casey finished she pressed her lips against her wife's.

The kiss was soft and sensual, just enough to express all they were feeling at that moment. As the parted, Alex looked up into her wife's emerald eyes and new they were exactly where they were meant to be, together. Wherever they were, whatever was going on in life, nothing mattered as long as they were together. They could win any battle life threw at them.

"Casey," Alex spoke softly, "I am sorry for ever hurting you, but I want you to know that I will never leave you again. I love you more than anything, I always will."

Casey kissed her wife again softly, before softly saying, "No more sorries for the past. What happened is in the past, we need to focus on the present and," as she spoke she pressed her hand against Alex's growing belly, "Our future. I want to focus on all the good things we have to look forward too. I can't wait to spend the rest of our lives together."

"I can't either." Alex whispered as she pulled Casey back in for another kiss. As they parted they both whispered, "I love you."

Alex smiled at her wife, "We should get some sleep. Tomorrow is going to be a long day."

Casey nodded and pulled Alex into her arms. As she fell asleep, all she could think was tomorrow's verdict didn't matter. At the end of the day she had Alex and Julian, her mother and their friends, all that mattered was them. Especially, Alex and Julian.

* * *

By nine in the morning, Annalise, Eve, Casey and Alex filed into the room where Casey's appeal for her license to be reinstated with the State Bar was to take place. It was a completely different layout than their typical courtroom. Here there were chairs for Alex to sit in and Liz Donnelly and Jack McCoy when they arrived, then a railing divider followed by one table were Annalise, Eve and Casey would sit. In front of that there was a raised table like the judges bench except it housed five seats for the heads of the bar committee who would over hear Casey's appeal.

Alex quickly took her seat, and watched Casey, Annalise and Eve sit at their table. She could tell Casey was nervous from the way she was tapping her foot on the floor. Annalise seemed as cool as ever and Eve kept her typical cautious business face on. The three attorneys operated completely different, it would be interesting to see them all work together.

Hearing the doors open behind her, Alex turned to see Liz Donnelly and Jack McCoy walk in the room. Alex half wanted to scream at Liz and half wanted to hug her and thank her for being here, instead, she just smiled and nodded. Both sat behind her, and Jack reached out and squeezed her shoulder as he whispered, "It's good to see you, Alexandra, I just wish it was on better circumstances." Alex just nodded back.

After about another five minutes a side door opened and out stepped a committee of five people. Two women and three men, the same committee that heard Casey's case during the first hearing. The committee quickly sat and each member opened their files in front of them.

Casey couldn't help but notice the supremely unimpressed expression on the center members face. The woman was the committee leader and she clearly was of Asian decent and as she flipped through the papers she just seemed to appear bored. Casey knew the woman was present at the first hearing, but the whole event seemed foggy to her. Feeling her nerves go into overdrive, Casey looked back at Alexandra. Locking eyes with her wife she felt all of her nerves go to ease, it was an affect only her wife had on her.

Hearing the committee leader, begin Casey turned to look forward. "My name is Committee Leader Yang, I am joined here today by leaders Grey, Sloan, Shepherd, and Webber. Ms. Novak, we oversaw your first hearing where you were censured for three years due to a Brady Violation that you committed regarding evidence in the courtroom of Judge Petrovsky. However, according to the motions provided by your new council of Ms. Keating and Ms. Rothlo, you claim to have not been fairly judged. Your attorneys state that you were too emotionally connected to the case you were trying and that your judgement was clouded by undue stress experienced working in the Special Victims Unit of the New York City area, is that correct Ms. Novak?"

Casey leaned forward and spoke clearly, "Yes, Committee Leader Yang, that is correct."

Yang didn't wait to continue, "Do you also feel that this committee judged you to harshly?"

Again Casey spoke, "Yes, I do, Committee Leader Yang."

"Do you take lying in the courtroom lightly Ms. Novak?"

"Objection," Annalise interrupted.

"Pardon me?" Committee Leader Yang snapped.

"Objection," Annalise spoke firmly, "Ms. Novak has already faced her initial hearing. She has already stated that she feels remorse for her actions, this hearing today is to cover her being harshly punished for her actions, when clearly she was in a state of distress at the time. Ms. Rothlo and I have come here today to show the committee that even Judge Donnelly, who reported Ms. Novak to the bar, and even District Attorney McCoy feels she was to harshly disciplined."

Yang frowned at this information, "Judge Donnelly, is it true that you feel Ms. Novak was judged to harshly?"

Liz Donnelly stood, "Yes, I do, Committee Leader Yang."

"Hmm, and what do you feel would have been a more appropriate punishment?" Yang questioned.

"I think a short suspension followed by a probation period would have been more appropriate." Liz stated.

Yang nodded, "District Attorney McCoy, how do you feel?"

Jack McCoy stood to face the committee, "I agree with Judge Donnelly. I am also prepared to rehire Ms. Novak if the committee so graciously reinstates Ms. Novak's license."

"You do?" Committee member Webber asked.

"Yes, I do. I would happily assign Ms. Novak as Executive Assistant District Attorney of White Collar Crimes." McCoy stated firmly.

Yang scoffed, "Why would you give an attorney who has been convicted of a Brady Violation another high position?"

"Because I have faith in Ms. Novak. Ms. Novak had the highest conviction rate in the country for Sex Crimes and we at the District Attorney's office, especially myself knew she'd been in the position for too long, but left her in place because of her rate in conviction. It was the wrong decision, and we are all at fault, but I do not feel she deserves this severe of a punishment. She has been away for eight months and I personally feel that has been a long enough suspension and would happily hire her back on a probationary term if the committee agrees." McCoy stated firmly.

"I think that is asking a lot of this committee," Yang stated looking down at the papers.

"I have a question for Ms. Novak," Committee member Shepherd spoke. He was a dark haired handsome man with bright eyes. Casey couldn't help but smile at him for even being nice enough to ask her a question. "Ms. Novak, why didn't you put up a defense the first time?"

Now, Casey just wanted to hit him. She didn't want to admit this next part. Taking a breath, she began, "I wasn't in a clear state of mind that day..."

She was quickly cut off, by the Committee Leader, "You weren't in a clear state of mind, would that be because you were in trouble for a Brady Violation?"

"No, it would be because my wife of four years had me unexpectedly served with divorce papers that morning, Committee Leader," Casey snapped quickly regretting her tone.

Committee Leader Yang suddenly looked sympathetic, "I am sorry to hear that."

At that point, committee member Grey spoke, "I move to remove the censure."

The motion was quickly seconded by committee member Sloan. It was committee member Webber that spoke next, "I move to reinstate Ms. Novak's license and place her on a probationary period of three months."

"If the panel all agrees, it will be so." Yang said boldly, "So say we all?"

The whole committee spoke, "So say we all."

"Ms. Novak, the committee sincerely hopes you decide to use your license for good this time." Committee Leader Yang said as they all stood and exited the room.

Once the room was clear everyone remaining cheered. Casey moved quickly to Alex's arms kissing her, before whispering, "Thank you," in her ear and turning to hug Annalise and Eve and thanking them as well. Turning to McCoy, she hesitantly asked, "See you Monday?"

"You bet," he laughed as he squeezed her shoulder. "I had enough faith in today that I had the guys put your name on the door this morning. I think you will like your new office."

"I'm sure I will, sir." Casey said with a smile. Turning to Liz, she softly said, "Thank you for coming today. It means a lot."

"You are welcome, Casey. Just make me proud." Liz replied before hugging the redhead and heading out with Jack.

With that Annalise laughed, "Okay, well I think you two owe Eve and I lunch before we all make our journeys home."

"I agree," Alex laughed.

Casey couldn't help but smiled brightly as she wrapped her arm around her wife as they exited the room. Everything in life seemed to have finally fallen into place. Now, she and Alex just had to wait for Julian's arrival.


	20. Chapter 20

**A/N: I hope you all enjoy this chapter! :) Oh, and I did it again, I borrowed from Shonda Rhimes...Private Practices Jake Reilly.**

* * *

 **"It's a beautiful day**

 **Sky falls, you feel like**

 **It's a beautiful day**

 **Don't let it get away**

 **You're on the road**

 **But you've got no destination**

 **You're in the mud**

 **In the maze of her imagination**

 **You love this town**

 **Even if that doesn't ring true**

 **You've been all over**

 **And it's been all over you**

 **It's a beautiful day**

 **Don't let it get away**

 **It's a beautiful day"**

 **Beautiful Day by U2**

 **Three months later...**

Casey paced in the second floor prosecutors conference room of the courthouse. She was waiting for the jury to deliberate about her biggest case since returning to work. Surprisingly, moving back to White Collar had truly been the best thing for her.

She was great at taking down the scumbags of Wall Street and prided herself in getting justice for those they'd taken advantage of but when she left she'd found the job mundane. Now, acting as head the whole unit she found it challenging but in the perfect way, now she could still have all the time she needed to be a great wife to her beautiful and loving Alex. The simple thought of her blonde made her smile bright and stop pacing the floor.

There was no doubt in the world that she was madly in love with her wife. Pulling out her phone, she checked the time. Alex should still be at her doctors appointment, so it was to soon to call. Casey had wanted to go to the appointment so badly, but with the jury going into deliberations it wasn't possible. She had to be here when they came back with the verdict. She just hoped it was sooner than later.

Alex was due this week and Casey and her were more than ready for their little boy to join them. Even though, they'd been making a point to enjoy every moment of their last bits of free time before his arrival, they were ready to have him in their lives. Plus, Alex was more than ready to not be pregnant anymore.

Smiling at the memory of her grumpy wife from that morning, Casey opened her 'Photos' icon on her phone and quickly located the video of Alex from that morning. Hitting play she could only smile...

"Casey, seriously, are you taking pictures of me again?" Alex groaned as she did her make-up in front of the mirror in her Capri maternity leggings and bra.

"No," Casey grinned as she zoomed in on her wife doing her eyes. She loved and adored Alexandra and found her even more stunningly beautiful pregnant.

"Then what are you doing with your phone, Casey Novak," Alex said in a deathly tone as she paused from putting on her eyeliner.

Casey beamed, "I am filming you. I want to remember every part of you like this." Casey quickly realized that was the wrong thing to say when Alex spun on her heel holding her eyeliner like a weapon.

"Why, would you want to remember me like this?" The blonde spat.

"Because you are gorgeous, because you are growing our baby in you, because I love you." Casey crooned.

"You're hopeless." Alex laughed turning back to face the mirror, "You are just in love with my boobs, face it Novak."

"Hey, take it down to G language, Julian might watch this one day."

"Ha! Julian would be scared for life seeing me in my bra when he is older. You on the other hand...I thought you got enough of my boobs last night." Alex laughed as she grabbed her foundation.

Casey leaned against the door frame, "Alexandra, my dear, I could never get enough of you."

Alex just turned and smiled at her wife. It was a genuine smile that said just how much she loved her wife, a look of love that could never be expressed in words for the words simply did not exist. It was this amazing moment of knowing without a doubt just how much your partner was your soul mate without ever needing to try and explain it.

As the video ended, Casey's phone rang. A picture of Alex and her laughing in each other's arms, popped up on the screen to indicate it was her gorgeous wife calling. Casey felt almost giddy as she answered the phone. "What's the story, my love?"

"We are having the baby!" Alex exclaimed. "Your mom is taking me back to the house now to get our overnight bag and then she is taking me to the hospital."

"What?" Casey asked as she quickly started packing her bag to leave.

"He did a test on me and the baby and it turns out that I am having regular contractions, when he examined me he said I am already effaced and dilated to 3 centimeters. We are having the baby today!" Alex stressed.

"Oh my god, okay, I am going to get someone to replace me for court. I have to go baby. I will meet you at the hospital, don't have him before I get there please!" Casey replied in a frantic mess.

"Calm down, Casey Cat. The baby won't come that quickly. You have time to make it there. We will also get you something comfy to wear, we are pulling up to the house now." Carol assured.

"Okay, I love the three of you. See you soon." Casey again replied in a panic as she rushed out of the conference room.

Running down the hall, Casey searched for anyone as she called McCoy. Seeing Judge Donnelly's office she ran that way. The judge happened to be in her office much to Casey's delight.

Knocking on the door and barely waiting for a, 'Come in,' Casey barged into the judges chambers. "Alex is having the baby! I have to go to the hospital! Can you wait for a prosecutor to come take my place?" Casey said every word with her cellphone to her ear as she wished for McCoy to hopefully pick up his phone.

Just as Donnelly began to speak, McCoy answered and Casey interrupted, "Alex is having the baby! I have to go to the hospital now! Help!"

Jack McCoy couldn't help but burst into laughter at the redheads jumble of words over the line. Liz just shook her head and walked over and took the phone from Casey. "Jack, it's Liz, Captain Chaos here just ran to my office blurting the same thing. How about I take over for her until you can get one of her ADA's to come take over the verdict?"

Still laughing, Jack managed to say, "Sounds good, thank you Liz. Tell Casey to be safe getting to the hospital."

"Sure thing." Ending the call, Liz handed the phone back to Casey. "Jack wants you to be safe getting to the hospital. Take a breath Casey, babies take time to be born." Squeezing the trembling redheads shoulder, she asked, "You were in the conference room right?"

"Yes," Casey replied with a weak nod, "Now, I just have to remember which floor I parked on."

"You will be okay, Casey. If you can't remember by the time you get downstairs take a cab." Liz said with a wink as she walked down the hall.

Collecting herself, Casey made her way downstairs and to the deck. It didn't take her to long to locate her jeep, and as she made her way towards the hospital where Alex was having the baby, she got a reassuring update from her mother that Alex was settled into the room and doing just fine. Calming down a bit, Casey made her way to the hospital and quickly found her wife's room.

Rushing to Alex's side, she quickly checked her wife over causing Alex to laugh hard, "Casey, I am having a baby not being tortured."

"You might change your mind about that one in a little bit," Carol laughed from the couch as she was reading a book.

"You sure you are okay? Can I get you anything?" Casey asked still in a state of shock.

Alex took her wife's hands in hers and smiled. "Casey, look at me." Casey did as instructed and immediately began to calm. "Casey, do you hear that beeping noise?" Casey nodded as soon as she recognized the sound Alex was referring to. "That is the baby's heart beat okay. We are okay."

"Okay baby." Casey said quietly. Feeling a hand against her back she turned to see her mother.

"Here is your change of clothes, Casey Cat. Why don't you get comfortable, it's going to be awhile." Carol soothed.

Casey changed and quickly found herself sitting on the bed holding Alex. The contractions seemed to be intense when they came and it made the blonde feel better to have Casey holding her through them. Dr. Reilly stopped by, looking as handsome as ever with his tanned skin and dark hair, to check Alex and told them when she reached 5 centimeters they could give her an epidural. The couple settled in for what would probably be a long wait seeing as Alex was still at three.

An hour later, Casey still sat on the bed holding her very frustrated wife when her phone began to ring. Fishing it off the table beside them, she began to answer it when an alarm started to go off on the monitor next to them. Dropping her phone back on the table, Casey asked, "Did I cause that with my phone?" Alex looked as puzzled as Carol, when a team of nurses rushed into the room.

"Ma'am we need you to get off the bed immediately, Alex, I need you to get on your side," a young blonde haired nurse ordered.

Both Casey and Alex listened as the nurses began checking cables and Alex. The alarm sounded immediately got worse as Alex got on her left side and one of the nurses ran from the room calling for Dr. Reilly, as the blonde nurse ordered Alex to get on her right side. The second she did the alarm stopped.

Alex was shaking as she looked at Casey. Casey didn't wait a moment before asking, "What was that! Is the baby okay?"

The nurse just looked at them both before she ignored the question and started to unhook things. "That alarm is indicating that the baby is pressing on the umbilical cord usually. Currently we have him off of it. The problem is once you have another contraction he will be pressing on it again causing him to not have blood flow. I am unhooking things because the doctor will most likely take you for a c-section now."

Just as the words seemed to leave the nurses mouth, Dr. Reilly was running into the room. "Okay! Change of plans ladies, Alex, Casey, it seems your baby boy is deciding to be difficult so we are going to get him out as soon as possible. Alex, we are going to take you back for a emergency cesarean section. Casey, because we have to move fast I am going to have you sign the papers for release and you are going to have to stay here. We will have you meet Alex and the baby in 15 minutes. Are we good?"

Both women nodded yes, and they started to move Alex out of the room. Seeing her wife be wheeled out on her bed, Casey snapped to and ran to her side kissing her, "Alex, everything will be okay. I love you."

"I know. I love you too." Alex said softly as they took her from the room. Standing in the doorway, watching her wife moving down the hallway at lightening speed, Casey began to cry.

Carol and the blond nurse were quickly at her side, "Everything will be okay, Casey Cat, but you need to sign these papers now for the nurse."

Turning to face her mother and the nurse, Casey took the papers, "Quickly reading through them, Casey signed each page." As she handed them back she asked, "What's your name?"

"My name is Claire," the nurse said with a smile as she phoned in saying the papers were signed. As she got off she smiled at Casey, "Your baby will be here any minute, let me take you to recovery. Carol is it?"

"Yes." Carol replied looking at the nurse.

"Carol, I will have another nurse named Laura come get you in a minute to help you move all their belongings into their room." Claire said as she walked to the door with Casey.

"Okay," Carol replied hugging her daughter tight.

Casey followed Claire down the same hall they'd just taken Alex down. Crossing through a locked door access, the nurse led Casey to a recovery room. The nurse tried small talk with Casey, but Casey couldn't process a word she said. All she could do was pace the floors. She was a wreck, she needed to know Alex was okay. She needed to know their baby was okay. Feeling Claire touch her arm, Casey stopped and looked at the young blonde.

"Ms. Novak, your baby is on his way here, your wife did wonderfully. The doctors are fixing her up now and she will be in within a few minutes." As Claire finished speaking, Casey could hear a little baby crying.

Running to the door she saw a nurse pushing a bassinet down the hallway towards her, "Is that my baby?" Casey asked in a shaky voice.

"It is Mama, he weighs 8 pounds 1 ounces and he is 21 inches long, and got 5's on both Apgars. He is perfect and healthy." The young brunette nurse replied.

Casey ran to see her son and walked alongside him until he was in the recovery room. He cried until she spoke, "Hello, Julian. I am your Mama. You look so much like your Mommy." As if knowing Casey's voice, he stopped crying and turned his head in her direction.

"He knows you," the dark haired nurse said, picking him up and handing him to Casey. "He might look like his Mommy, but look at this," she said pulling back the baby's cap to reveal his red curly locks of hair. "He has your hair color!"

Casey couldn't help but smile. When she and Alex picked out a donor, Alex had been adamant about picking red haired donors. She wanted their children to have part of Casey and she figured red hair was a perfect part. "Your Mommy won, Julian." Casey chuckled, "You will soon find out that she always does."

Hearing noise behind her, Casey turned to see another set of nurses wheeling Alex in on another bed. They moved the bed into the recovery room and assured Casey that Alex had done beautifully. As Claire took over recovery, she turned to Casey. "Alex should wake up any minute. They do emergency c-sections with a twilight like form of anesthesia."

Casey stood over Alex with Julian. Holding him where he could see his sleeping Mommy, Casey spoke softly, "Julian, this is your Mommy. Isn't she beautiful. I am so in love with her. She has done nothing but bring endless amounts of happiness into my life since coming into it. You will no doubt adore her too. I can't wait to tell you how I met her and how we fell in love and how I proposed and about our wedding and how I almost was the stupidest person in the world and lost her, then how we came back together, and now have you. Our journey is far from over Julian, but now we have you to share it with and your Mommy and I are so excited about it."

Casey walked to the window with her son looking out onto the darkening New York City skyline Casey smiled, she could make out a few stars and it made her smile remembering her proposal. As her son started to fuss a bit, Casey swayed her hips to lull him as she softly sang, "I may not always love you, but long as there are stars above you, you never need to doubt it, I'll make you so sure about it..."

Alex awoke to finish, "God only knows what I'd be without you..."

Turning to find her wife awake and smiling at her, Casey felt all the anxiety in her wash away. Smiling back, Casey said, "Alexandra, I want you to meet our son."

Casey carried the baby over and placed him into Alex's arms. Alex smiled bright meeting her baby for the first time, "Hi Julian. You have red hair just like your Mama I see. He is perfect, Casey."

Kissing Alex on the head, Casey whispered, "Just like you, my love. Just like you."


	21. Chapter 21

**A/N: Thank you for all your support and wonderful reviews. This story has been amazing to write and I am happy I got to share it with you all. :) I plan to finish the other two and then start our next journey together. :)**

* * *

 **"I am thinking it's a sign**

 **That the freckles in our eyes**

 **Are mirror images and when we kiss**

 **They're perfectly aligned**

 **And I have to speculate**

 **That God himself did make us**

 **Into corresponding shapes**

 **Like puzzle pieces from the clay**

 **And true it may seem like a stretch**

 **But it's thoughts like this that catch**

 **My troubled head when you're away**

 **When I am missing you to death"**

 **Such Great Heights by Iron and Wine**

 **Six years later...**

"Go Julian!" Alex yelled from her spot on the bleachers with her three year old daughter, Amelia, while watching her five year old son's tee-ball game. Smiling at her little girl, Alex asked, "Do you see your brother?"

"No," the little curly red haired girl said in her saddest voice with her bottom lip stuck out.

"Come here, little one," Alex said scooping her 'mini me' up in her arms. Their daughter looked just like her minus the hair, red just like Casey's. Julian on the other hand had taken on his own features, but still had a head full of curly red locks. Along with red hair like Casey's, Julian also seemed to act more like Casey, while Amelia tended to favor Alex. The differences in her children just made her love them even more.

Letting her daughter sit in her lap, Alex pointed out Julian standing at home plate preparing to swing his bat at the tee. Then she pointed out head coach Casey standing near-by. The little girl grew especially excited when she spotted her Mama. "Go Brother!" Amelia yelled effectively deafening Alex in one ear while kicking her little feet back in forth against Alex's shins.

Julian paused and waved towards his little sister then looked to Casey to get the nod that he was okay to swing. Casey had never been more excited than when it was time to sign him up for ball. She'd laughed to her wife and said if she got any wish in raising their children it would be that they play baseball and softball. Alex couldn't help but agree. Plus, Casey was just as cute as the children when I came to getting excited about the sport.

Watching Julian swing his bat and hit the ball, Alex and Amelia cheered as Casey instructed their son to run. He made it to the second base before the ball caught up with him. Alex was amazed with how athletic their son seemed to be. He definitely took after Casey.

As the next child came up to bat, Casey told the boy something and then let him hit. The child hit the ball softly and took off to the base as Julian came running fast. He pasted third base and continued to run on to home base. Touching the bag in the nick of time and effectively ending the game.

Alex and Amelia cheered for the kids as they all said congratulations and goodbye. Walking towards the dugout, Alex set Amelia down on the ground and let her run to Casey. As she walked into the dugout, she watched as Amelia ran and jumped right into Casey's arms. Casey beamed with love always for their children, and the look she had on her face when she looked at Amelia and Julian at this moment made Alex fall even more in love with her. Feeling someone touch her back, Alex turned to see Carol.

"Did I miss the end?" Carol asked, already knowing the answer. Holding a bag of popcorn, the grey haired woman laughed, "That concession line was outrageous, well I guess Amelia can share this with Julian."

Alex hugged her mother in law, "I am sorry. Julian won the game, I swear he runs as fast as Casey. Do you want to come out for pizza with us?"

"I have a better idea, what if we take the little ones for ice cream and I take them home with me and let you and Casey have the evening to yourselves?" Carol offered with a smile.

"If you promise to get the clay stains out of Julian's baseball pants you have a deal!" Alex laughed.

"Why don't you go tell Casey while I let the little ones eat the popcorn?" Carol said patting Alex on the back.

Alex walked over to her wife with a bright smile on her face, only pausing to hug and congratulate their son, as Carol called the kids out to the bleachers to enjoy their popcorn. Looking at her wife smiling back at her, Alex couldn't imagine how after twelve years of being together and ten years of marriage she could possibly find herself falling even more in love with her wife by the day, but every morning when she woke up next to Casey that was the case. Seeing Casey's emerald eyes glisten as she closed the distance, again Alex fell just a bit more.

"May I kiss the coach?" Alex asked with a sly smile.

"Absolutely," Casey smiled pulling her wife in and pressing her lips lightly against her wife's.

As they parted, Alex whispered, "So, I have some good news."

"You do?"

"Yeah," Alex said before lazily kissing Casey again, "Your mom said she'd take the kids tonight and we could have the night to ourselves."

"I love this idea!" Casey whispered against Alex's cheek. "I vote light dinner, wine, and a fire."

"I know where you are going with that idea." Alex laughed as she pulled back and waggled her eyebrows at her wife.

"Good." Casey replied with a smirk as they heard Julian and Amelia begin fighting over the popcorn as Carol scolded them both. Casey pulled Alex into her arms as they watched their children argue while their grandmother continued to correct them. The argument finally ended with Carol taking the popcorn away from them both and both children whining in response.

Alex laid her head against Casey's shoulder observing the scene, "Do you remember when everything was relaxed and quiet?"

Casey let out a loud laugh that made Alex feel like she had butterflies in her stomach before responding, "No."

Joining her wife in laughter, Alex said, "Yeah, neither do I," as they headed back to collect their children.

* * *

Later that evening after a nice meal at an Italian restaurant, Alex and Casey laid on the living room floor sharing a bottle of wine in front of the fireplace talking about the last couple of weeks at work. Both had been busy, but they always made sure to make time for one another and their children. If they had learned anything six years earlier it was to never take one another for granted again.

"I have a question for you, it's changing the subject, but I'd like to know your answer." Casey stated.

"Okay," Alex said rolling onto her stomach to look into her wife eyes.

"Do you think I could handle being the District Attorney of Manhattan and being a good wife and mother still? I want your honest answer." Casey said as she bit her lip.

Alex smiled, "First, I would never give you anything less than my honest answer. Second, I think you could, but I'd like to have a contingency plan that if it didn't work out. You know a non-conflict way I could tell you, and we would try to work something out. Why do you ask? Did McCoy offer you the position?"

"McCoy mentioned it to me yesterday, he wants to put me up for the position. I told him I would have to talk to you about it. To be honest Alex, I don't think I want to take it. I did at one point, but I know deep inside my time with you and the kids would be cut and I don't want that. I want to be with you all." Casey answered softly.

Alex watched every word play across her wife's face and could see just how genuine every word was for her. Leaning forward she captured Casey's lips in a soft but sensual kiss. As they parted, Alex whispered, "I will support you either way, but I love you even more for putting the kids and me first."

Rolling them over to where she was on top, Casey smiled against Alex's lips, "I wouldn't have it any other way."

Kissing her wife again, it was easy to forget everything else they'd been talking about, Alex had this amazing effect on her. Feeling the blondes hands begin to ease under her shirt as her tongue lightly dragged along her lips asking for entrance Casey happily parted her lips. As the kiss deepened Alex drew Casey's shirt up and over her head only breaking their kiss long enough to free them of the fabric barrier.

Soon all their remaining clothes found their way to the floor, and they began relishing the newly exposed skin. Kissing her way down Alex's neck and down to her breasts, taking a nipple eagerly in her mouth, Casey ran her finger nails lightly up and down one Alex's thighs, grinning as the blonde easily parted her legs for her in anticipation. Casey didn't cave that easily though, instead she pressed her own aching center against Alex's, causing an eager a mumbled plea to fall from her wife's lips as she kissed her way over to Alex's other nipple.

Rolling her tongue around the stiff bud, she couldn't help but roll her hips against Alex's again desperate to ease some of her own need. Feeling Alex's hands untangle from her hair, and begin their own journey down her body Casey's breath caught in her throat. As Alex's hands cupped her breasts, Casey looked into her wife's eyes taking a quick breath in as Alex pinched her nipples and began to roll them between her fingers. Again, Casey couldn't help but react by rolling herself against Alex, causing them both to cry out in pleasure.

Alex let her hands slowly travel down Casey's torso, making sure to lightly drag her nails in all the right places. She loved how Casey lifted herself up just enough to give her access. Not making the redhead wait, Alex lightly ran her finger tips across Casey's hot wet center. Even the lightest of her touches caused the redhead to moan, "Alex."

Slowly and gently rolling them onto their sides, Alex kissed her wife before saying, "I want us to come together."

Casey nodded in understanding as she moved her hand between Alex's legs again moaning when she discovered just how wet Alex was for her. Matching Alex's painfully slow touches, Casey gently ran a finger tip over Alex's soaked folds, going even slower over her swollen clit. It was only when both women were panting against each other's mouths that they finally caved and began rubbing fast circles against each other's clits.

As they both began to tremble in each other arms, they filled the room with their cries of pleasure. Casey was the first to come undone crying out Alex's name in ecstasy and bucking against the blonde causing Alex to crash over the edge with her. Holding onto one another, they both regained some control before Casey slid two fingers easily into Alex causing her to gasp at the sensation and quickly mimic the movement eliciting the same reaction from Casey.

Each quickly located the others spot and began moving their fingers fast to reach that place of pleasure again. The faster they moved into each other the louder their moans and pleas became, each begging the other to make them come. This time Alex came first and the feeling of her clamping down hard on Casey's fingers as she came was what sent Casey crashing over with her. This time they both drew out their orgasms as long as they could. As they both came down from their highs, they lay wrapped tight in each other arms enjoying the warmth of the fire.

Casey couldn't imagine being happier anywhere else. Feeling Alex trace a finger down the scar that remained on her chest from the shooting six years earlier, Casey kissed her wife's head. "I love you, Alexandra, I always will."

Looking up at her wife, Alex smiled, "And I love you, Casey, forever and always. Let's go to bed before we wake freezing here on the floor at three in the morning."

Casey nodded and allowed Alex to help her up. As they made their way upstairs, Casey smiled at all the happy pictures of them and their children. There were pictures from when they first started dating, their engagement, both their weddings, the years before children, pictures of Alex pregnant with each child, and billions of pictures of their children and family in general. By the time Casey reached the top of the stairs, she realized she had achieved everything she had ever wanted in life.

Following Alex to bed, Casey crawled beneath the covers and pulled her wife tight in her arms. "Alex, thank you."

"For what, my dear?" Alex mumbled into Casey's chest.

"For helping me achieve everything I ever wanted in life, I owe it all to you and your love." Casey said softly.

Alex looked genuinely into her wife's eyes, "I feel the same about you. Thank you, Casey, thank you for loving me too."

"I love you, Alexandra." Casey smiled pulling her wife close. No matter what else would come their way, they both knew they had all they ever wanted. They would always be happy thanks to their love.


End file.
